My closest female friend has the laziest boyfriend ever. This dude doesn't work and never has worked. Her life is totally falling apart because of him. When she gets her self fixed up or gets close to family he dogs her out to knock her self esteem down. Her self esteem is so low she truly believes he is something to have. I'm one of the few people who hasn't turned my back on her. Sometimes when she talks about the guy I want to tell her she's stupid but I hold my tongue. He has drove her car down and today the motor broke. Now she has no car with a 7 year old daughter. The guy doesn't care. He told her to ask me and her family for money for a new car. Now she is begging everone for money but no one will help her because of him. She told her 70 year old aunt who she stiff for a grand last year she would sell her body if she doesn't buy her a car. It's like I'm watching my friend loss all of her morals and the little bit of self esteem she has. How can I help her get past this guy?
2007-09-19 18:32:38 · 9 answers · asked by Big Sam D 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Think of a way to show her what her life will be like in a few years if she doesn't wake up and look at her world now. It will only get worse. My ex did not like to work either. When he finally "had to," he resented it and took it out on me. And eventually the kids.
Why not let her read this question and all of the responses? I would!!!
Good luck Big Sam!
2007-09-20 07:42:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very difficult situation. She is lucky to have you as a friend and you should be commended for attempting to help out.
I think you need to get in contact with all the other friends and relatives and have an intervention.
Also all the friends and relatives need to get on the same page, no money, no support until she makes the changes necessary. Sorry you could give her 1k per week and it would get wasted. So why bother at all.
Iceberg theory. Only 10% of the iceburg is visable, 90% is below the water. A lot of women hang around slackers for drugs or drinking. If there is any hint of drug use, it is 10x worse than what you see. Or maybe gambeling.
Also rock bottom is about 10x worse than outsiders think. There may not be anything you can do until SHE decides that a change is needed. I mean if she says all is OK, then what can you do.
2007-09-19 18:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by Gatsby216 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ive been through the same thing with one of my girlfriends. Honestly im sorry to say but all you can do is try and open her eyes. Sit her down and seriously talk to her. not "you're stupid" more like "you need to see what this is doing and how your daughter is going to see the way you let him treat you. shes going to think this is how ALL women should be treated and will end up in the same mess if you dont get a backbone." talking about selling her body? sounds to me shes hitting rock bottom. and sorry to say, thats what it takes sometimes for people who wont wake up. After all is said and done if she still takes the deadbeat over everyones good advice, all you can do is be a friend and hope she smartens up. it's her life and shes going to either stay or go, you cant force her, but you really can encourage her. She needs to do whats best for her and her daughter and clearly being in that relationship, isnt it.
2007-09-19 18:42:40 · answer #3 · answered by colostomy_punch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Phil might be a better show to go on. There is really not much you can do. Try to find ways to help boost her self esteem, and show her how better her life can be if she wasn't supporting this loser. The trick is doing it without bad mouthing the guy, or you will turn her off and she wont be receptive to what you suggest. As long as her self esteem is low she wont attempt to do better.
2007-09-19 18:49:24 · answer #4 · answered by ctelly22 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will never ever "see the light". You really are a true friend for being there for her but do not make it "easy" for her to stay with this idiot.
Tell her how you feel. Tell her how angry it makes you to see her treated this way. Tell her that you can not give her money because it would be the same thing as giving it to "him"....and frankly you would rather kick his butt as give this abusive idiot the first dime.
Be honest...she needs it.
2007-09-19 19:08:09 · answer #5 · answered by Chaz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We think we have a bad day until we read something like your question..then we count our blessings....this young woman has a "ball and chain" around her mentally and physically as long as she stays in this relationship....who owns the house ? can she leave or is it him who owns the place or is the rental in his name? Whatever the living arrangements are she needs to break away from him before something happens to her child. In so many cases when a woman has a boyfriend and especially someone like him...they feel the child is in the way...and become violent....If I were her I'd be warned to do something before he flies off the handle....Tell her to get help from a women's organization...like YWCA...or a church outreach program...they can help her start over again....there are many avenues to take...you just have to take the first step. Please encourage her to do something now...
Mama Jazzy geri
2007-09-19 18:53:27 · answer #6 · answered by Mama Jazzy Geri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her on Maury or Jerry Springer, for one of their deadbeat boyfriend episodes.
2007-09-19 18:35:50 · answer #7 · answered by August lmagination 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
man sometimes I wish I were gay so I could find a sucker to be my sugar daddy like your friend's girlfriend.
2007-09-19 18:38:44 · answer #8 · answered by Micheal M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick the bum out.
2007-09-19 18:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by Ham8888888888 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋