I've heard a few men say how awful women are for taking all their money and their kids during their divorce, and how vindictive their ex-wives are. I've also heard a few women say they got stuck with bills, the kids, and their ex ran out on them and/or cheated on them. So what do you think-is either gender really worse to the other in divorce, or does it depend on the couple?
When I got divorced, I paid more of the bills and took more of the debts since I made more money. So I haven't experienced the horrors of divorce; we acted like civil adults (we divorced in our 20's).
2007-09-19 18:20:18 · 16 answers · asked by edith clarke 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've seen couples divorce and be perfectly civil to each other. I've seen other divorces get really nasty and the people behave super nasty to each other. So I really think it depends on the couple and their relationship at the time of the divorce.
2007-09-19 18:24:57 · answer #1 · answered by justa g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Each divorce, like the relationship it is based on, is unique. That being said, given a large number of divorce cases, and you can begin to see clusterings or patterns that give rise to generalizations about divorces and gender traits. But experience dictates that generalities are prone to not always apply to any given specific case....and any specific case may not necessarily fit the generality.
So, if you find a dog and discover it has fleas, does that mean ALL dogs have fleas.
Do this a number of times, and if every dog you found also had fleas you might conclude yes indeed, dogs have fleas.
But finding some dogs with and some dogs without ...the conclusion is that some dogs have fleas...or that some dogs don't have fleas.
Seems rather obvious that the vindictiveness and degree of fighting in a divorce depends on the individual details and people involved in the case. [Note: Attorneys don't necessarily make things better. Each is attempting to "protect" the interests of their respective client. And that protection could be from threats ...both real and imagined or supposed...which could then create counter moves by the other side against "threats" both real and imagined. All of this could stir the pot and emotions creating situations which might NOT have arisen from the "supposed this happened, so therefore I should do this to protect myself from that possibility" kind of problem creation/escalation. The problem is that by the time a couple gets to the point of considering a divorce, one or both sides have lost credibility and trust with the other. This makes conflict resolution and compromise and reasoning rather more difficult than it might have been.
Does any of this make sense? Hope it does...and hope that it helps.
2007-09-20 01:34:19 · answer #2 · answered by wisdomdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 15 yrs with 2 great kids when I made the decision to file for divorce in 1993. I know that both of us were at fault for the failure of our marriage and that it was really over long before then. We had some major life changes during that 15yrs that contributed highly to the split. On top of all the problems my EX has mental problems that made living with him just unbearable. Even though I knew he had problems and tried to get him help I couldn't make his family see what was going on. So I took the leap, ended up a single mom 2 kids, all the bills, bankrupt, and, even with court ordered support, broke.
Even now 14 years later I don't wish him any ill will. I didn't then, just can't live with the man. But he is the father of my children so I have to deal with it! I just wish he would get it together and be responsible for himself and the debts he owes to his children. Actually was in court last month for back support (child support's idea not mine!) I told the court that I was done with this. the kids were over 18 (23 & 26 now). And he should step up to the plate and be a man.. his kids supported him ! He should pay what he owe.. We have a grandchild now.. they need the support.
So that's my story in the short form.. I know women who are spite full nasty me me me I don't care me me me! My significant other's EX is that way... If I did 1/2 of what she did I'd be dead! Really...how some people treat family is crazy!
Soooo I think it depends on the the people involved, some people can be civil and others just can't get past the hurt to see what they are doing is wrong. I think it's a huge power trip.. just who can make they other one miserable and enjoy it.
2007-09-20 23:26:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ramoth41 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i would like to congratulate you on getting divorced on good terms. these days it is a rare occurrence for divorcee's to have a good relationship after divorcing. It can be so bitter and nasty, you sometimes wonder why they ever got married in the first place. I think that either party can be horrible and most of the time they are both at fault. especially when it comes to money and the children. Fortunately I'm not divorced and happily married, however a relationship needs to worked at and you do have your ups and downs. Some people give up on their relationship to early and I feel don't try hard enough. However in saying that, in most cases it usually is for the best. When it comes to infidelity, it can be disastrous. It really depends on the couple and what happened in their relationship I guess.
2007-09-20 01:32:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it does depend on the couple. Like you said you have known both men and women that have gotten the raw end of the deal after or during a divorce. I am glad that you divorce was civil. :)
2007-09-20 14:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by omorris1978 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom was definitely nastier in court proceedings when my parents divorced, but that's because my dad was flinging accusations when they were at home, and she felt she had to fight for my brother and me. My dad was saying stuff like my mom was hiding money from him and that she was going to steal my brother and me away in the night, when he was the one who cheated and he was the one who hit his kids. In the end she got the house and the kids (rightfully so) and he ended up with the brand new car...which he wrecked a couple weeks later going to Vegas. My dad made more money though so he was forced to pay child support, but it was never really steady, so my mom was forced to work crazy hours to compensate, so in the end I blame my dad, although he was just ordered to pay back all the back child support (in the thousands) to my mom which is good for her considering my brother and I are now out of the house and she has no real financial obligations anymore.
2007-09-20 01:31:17 · answer #6 · answered by localsdrocker 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I went through mine, things were not nasty. We both agreed that this could not be worked out and we decided to go our seperate ways. Yes I was hurt but realistically, this happened for the best. No regrets.
People make situations. It all depends on the people involved and their level of maturity.
2007-09-27 14:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the individuals, the nature of the reasons for the divorce, the influence of their friends and family, and their legal counsel.
2007-09-27 04:07:29 · answer #8 · answered by keezy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to work for a bank, and let me tell you they are all evil. I had a wife ask how far she could drive their joint account into the negative so she could ruin his credit, I had a guy try to get his wives name off of the account, when he couldn't do that he took everything but one penny out of the account, and put it all in his individual account, that I am so sure his wife knew about. Yep both equally awful.
2007-09-20 01:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by scorch_22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the individual. Some women are jerks and some are nice; and some men are jerks and some are nice. I've met several nice people and several jerks of both genders.
2007-09-20 09:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋