My husband treatme bad,mentally,verbal abuse,low self steam. Never told me "I love u" I beg him to have sex, he never apreciate me as a woman, he thouth everething was fine, until I spoke & told him, how I felt. He couldn't belive it. I have the courage to said. I felt release for the emotional feeling in my heart, now things changes, I dont love him anymore, I have a lot a pain, i'm angry, exausted for the whole situation. I dont know w/to do. I have 3 kids, but I cant handle it anymore, now it's my turn.I was always lonelly, I'been living depress,& low self s. cause of him, he's a brain wash. I consider my self, pretty, good person, loving mother, but I belived that I was fat,ugly,nobody could love me, I belived for years,til somebody came to me as a friend,he's my sweet love from midle school, he's lovely, good person. But he's married. Anyway I need your opinions. Thanks.
2007-09-19 17:35:01 · 21 answers · asked by Butterfly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to leave his butt. Get a sound plan and leave. Make sure it is a good plan that involves the kids and their safety. They need to be with you. There is a lot of help out there. I know exactly where you are coming from. Do not stay for the kids. They will grow up to treat women just like the father does. You deserve better. Forget counseling...he is just wrong and he is use to having it his way...I promise you, when you leave, you'll be smiling all the way out the door. Girl, Go...get a good plan first and do not be scared of this creep. But if you go, you cant run back to him. You will miss him, because you are use to his attention, which is unhealthy for you. If you want to be strong for your kids and give the a better way of living, go.
2007-09-19 17:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The absolute rare honest answer. Stay for the kids but never tell the wife that is the reason. Nothing can put the knife in quicker than the concept that you are just biding your time. That attitude removes all desire to improve the situation. I will suggest marriage therapy because I have seen it be very effective in teaching how to have non confrontational discussions about serious issues. Therapy also strips away the vernier of defensive mechanisms which prevent getting your attitude across. The value of happiness in marriage is way overplayed. Happiness is NOT the purpose for marriage and now that it has seemingly become the major measuring point it is difficult to gage how truly effective a marriage is. The reality is that unhappy people create unhappy marriages. Perhaps some therapy can point this out. One or both of you are unhappy with each other. I find it much easier to correct that than to deal with all the crap which comes with splitting up and its effects on the children. If it comes to the point where one of you decides you will not do therapy it sort of shows that you really do not want to fix it. In the long run, you will have done your children a much greater service to teach them how to create a stronger relationship. Far too many couples decide that just because today is unhappy that it is better to run away by divorce. Divorce is the final solution when everything else has been tried. I found therapy to be very effective after resisting for too long. The concept that you can figure it out on your own or without help is incorrect. The key is a good therapist and a good one can clean up many problems in as little as 8 meetings. If you run into one who does not tell you this get a different one. They are to teach you how to communicate and you take care of the rest at home. You always hear people talk about therapy being about communication, well as cliche as that sounds its true. The key to happiness is the ability to Communicate the problem and devise a solution without the rancor. Once again this is the rare serious answer because you have the chance to fix things now. A benefit I did not avail myself of when i was younger. This seems to be that wisdom which comes with "I should have done that differently". Been There, Good Luck.
2016-05-19 00:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear it’s a really complicate situation.
My mom had the same status so he wait and he hoped that he ll change or things will get better ! which is ‘Did not happened ‘
I don’t know how old r u but he she waited till 45 which was late for any other relation .!
But whats the result ,,,she said for my kid to grow up ,,,,but now where are we ..i moved to another country which I far from my home town so I m not there for her ! my brothers got married and they don’t have time to see her ,,maybe only when they have a request!
But maybe if she was not decided like this we were not success as we are now !
I am an electrical Eng and both of my bro are IT eng. This what can make her happy
Now you should decide between your kids and your self .
And dear friend it will be horrible for your kids if they see any relation btw you and and any other guy while you are still married to their father .
Smt which is like nightmare and it will effect all their future life .
:) be a mother is not easy
2007-09-19 17:51:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there....
You gotta think and make decisions over some serious matters like your children and finances. If you think you can afford to keep all 3 children with you and you are financially sound, than half of your problems are solved. If you are not financially stable and cannot afford to have all 3 children with you, are you able to live without them should you divorce? If you can, I think your next consideration is whether you want to divorce your spouse. If yes, than get the best divorce lawyer in town and sue the pants off the bugger!
You feel fat, ugly and nobody could love you is because your spouse have conditioned you to feel that way by torturing you mentally witholding affection in gesture and words! He is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with! Such manupilative creature... Divorce him!
As for the married friend of yours, well, if you think you can handle the fact that he is married and he gives you the boost in life, make you feel good and happy.. than by all means, hang on to him.. But you must always remember that he is just your life jacket for the moment. Once you are on board safely, you will have to take it down and get some dry clothes! Of course, if things change and he divorce his wife for you, you are free to marry him if your kids are happy about it! But dont bang on this fact ok... it doesnt always happen.. in fact, it seldom happens.
2007-09-19 18:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should stay married just for the kids' sake. I think nothing is worse for a child than growing up knowing your parents don't love eachother, and trust me they will be able to sense any negative feelings you have towards eachother. I think you have realized just how hurtful and negative your husband is...you should get seperated and start the counseling process for yourself. Your children will be able to be happy once they see you are happy and fufilled with your life even if you aren't with their dad. Plus I wouldn't want my children near a person like that, who knows when he will start abusing them too. Get out while you can. You deserve love and happiness and to feel good about your relationship. He is purposely holding you back from reaching your full potential as a person/mother. How can you be a good mother if you have no selfworth? What are you teaching your children by staying with a man like that? Do you want your boys to grow up and treat women the same way? Or would you want your daughter to grow up and look for a man just like her daddy? No. It is healthy for all of you to move on.
2007-09-19 17:46:29 · answer #5 · answered by greyskymourning82 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My motto in life is that everyone should be happy. You have to accept yourself for who and what you are. I believe that couple should not stay together because of their children because the child are played as pawns in a game. Children are the most precious things in life. Every child should be given the chance to have a happy normal life. I fell if he is controlling you then he will later control your children. Your children can have a life with you and their father just because things aren't good between the 2 of you does not mean that you can't act like grown adults and be civil to each other for the children's benefit. If you feel that you can leave and be satisfied with that decision then you should file for legal separation. And then proceed from there.
Wish you the best of luck
2007-09-19 17:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by honeybeeinwv 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy, you are setting an example for what your kids will expect when they get married. Do you want them to grow up and have happy, healthy marriages, do you want them to replicate what they are observing now? Do yourself and your children a favor and get some counseling, and prepare to leave. So sorry to hear you're going through this because you deserve soooo much more!!! The perfect man is out there waiting for you.
2007-09-19 17:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by I do 26.2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.. what a pitiful statement of your life. My heart aches for your children trapped between feuding parents in a loveless house.
You should leave. Not because I think he is an awful man, but because you are too far gone to contribute anything useful in this marriage. You blame everything entirely on him, and see yourself as the only victim.
Your husband deserves to be in a happy relationship as well. Please leave him so you both can pursue happiness.
Good luck.
2007-09-19 17:53:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anne Noble, Director 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me that you have met an old friend and now you have discovered a whole new you.
what you need to ask yourself is.... i am in love with this person from middle school and now i want to leave?
if this is the case, it is a decision you should consider very carefully so that its just not a case of the grass appearing to be greener.
if you are truly in pain and have suffered over the years, be certain to make your decision on facts. eliminate the idea of your middle school friend divorcing his wife and marrying you.
don't confuse the issues and jump with your eyes closed.
hope you find happiness whatever your decision, but be very thoughtful.
2007-09-19 18:02:03 · answer #9 · answered by ramni222 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you are ready to have an affair. But to answer your question yes you should stay unless the situation is bad for the kids. Why should the kids have to suffer for your mistake. If you can safely fill your time with this other person that you know you want to affair with anyway then do that.
2007-09-19 18:04:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋