2007-09-19 14:14:27 · 74 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are all so lovely!I have no family and very few close friends I can turn to, so to have so many people care enough to offer some support, has given me renewed sense of strength and courage.I need as much as I can get right now(:Everything I do is for my 3 Kids.Their exposure to this abusive atmosphere is literally breaking my heart. I hate myself for staying as long as I have (always hoping he'd get "help" someday). Well after 5 and a half years that day never eventuated,but TODAY(us leaving) will. I feel like an idiot, for allowing him to treat us like this,and for a long time I believed I deserved it
For those of you that inquired, I have had Clinical Depression for years, but it has gradually got worse with the constant Physical, but mostly Emotional belittling and Abuse. Exhaustion? Self-explanatory.
You have no idea just how much your thoughtful words, and Kind,honest advice means to me. (esp. today),so I just wanted to say Thanks.
2007-09-19 15:14:52 · update #1
Yes, I have been under a Psychiatrists care for 10 years, following my own parents Divorce, and am medicated approproately. So in short, I care enough about myself and my family to seek help and get advice for my own personal probs. It's my responsibility.
My Husband on the other hand, ALSO has a problem. He abuses us both verbally and physically, but REFUSES to get help.
2007-09-19 15:22:45 · update #2
Grace.
I've been in an emotionally abusive with bouts of physical violence for the last three years. I left him in May.
You are doing the right thing. And you have my support 150%.
The only advice I can offer you is to not blame your pain on your depression and to meet it head on in life. I joined an excersize class and force myself to go. It is a distraction as much as it is for health reasons. Keep your sights on your personal improvements that YOU need for YOU. Might you consider going back to school one day? Keep your eyes on it, if so. make it your reward.
You've got lots of love from NC.
Please keep me posted. You can e-mail me. I am interested in helping to support you. I can be part of your network.
LOVE TO YOU!
Don't look back. The world is waiting and i'm so glad that you are ready.
2007-09-19 15:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by beemusic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why the heck are all these people giving you advice without asking you WHY you're depressed and exhausted?!!! Never just ASSUME the reasons! Grace, I think you'd get much better results if you explained WHY you're depressed, exhausted and are leaving your husband. Please take a moment to explain, or to at least give the matter some more thought. Wait until the kids are asleep and then ask your question again, with more detail, or to think about what leaving your husband, for whatever the reason may be, before you put your children through that kind of trauma. I'm not saying don't leave him if he's a shithead, but don't do it in such a way that it will emotionally scar your children. I've been divorced twice. Trust me, don't do anything in the heat of the moment. Do you have any family that will care for your children for a day or two? Try that first, if it's an option. Get some quiet time where you can think without being interrupted and you're not so tired and stressed out. (((hugs)))
2007-09-19 14:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by Superfluous 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do and you may question yourself many times about whether you have made the right decision. Some friends and family may disagree with you, while others may be full of love and support.
Just know that you and your children deserve the happiest life possible and that if your husband is unable to be part of this then it is kinder to leave. Life is just far too short to live unhappily.
For the record I left my ex-husband and it was so painful, and than one day I realised I finally felt free. It was like a fog lifted and I knew from then on I could survive anything.
Good luck,
mum2MH
2007-09-19 14:20:55 · answer #3 · answered by mum2mh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was with my hubby for 9 years, married 7. I Iived in germany, and when i found out he was cheating, i was going to stay because i was too scared of being on my own with the kids. I was so unhappy though i knew i had no choice, i have moved to wales now, where i knew 2 people, i have been here 2 and a half months, and i have realised there is life after my hubby, i have made some good friends already. I am still lonley but at least i.m not miserable anymore.
2016-05-18 23:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Grace I can only hope that you have been planning for this moment? I hope that you have placed great effort into preparing for the deep dark whole of unknown. I pray that you're financially ready to make this leap. I hope that the kids are aware of what is going on, and that your husband won't react in a violent manner when this all happens. Please tell me you have a scheme to make the break. I hope that you're not dependent on him for everything. Victims right group for these types of situations might be a wise phone call to make. Now, if you have talked about it, and he is aware, but now you're finally following through this might be different. One thing I do know, I am a child of a divorce and things getting very messy. Children always get placed in the middle. So, for the love of Pete for the children's sake, don't do that! Also, don't ever talk bad about their father unless he was abusing them in some way. They do deserve to think of their Dad as loving man, don't besmirch his character if at all possible. Now, pack your things honey and get the hell out, if that is what you must do! Be careful not to become a shack up honey with some jerk to quick into your break! Best of Luck kid!
2007-09-19 14:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by logicboy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there. It will be hard taking the first steps and making the new transition. Your feelings are normal for your situation. Just remember that you are doing something that will better yourself, which in turn will lead you to happiness. Seek help from your friends and family. It is also important to find some time for yourself to relax and sort thru your feelings in a healthy way, such as journaling (you can always burn it later, it relives stress to write your feelings down.) You might want to take a sleeping agent to help you get to sleep thru these stressful times. A good nights rest will help you think more clearly and have more energy. Good luck and best of wishes!
2007-09-19 14:22:23 · answer #6 · answered by Jacob's Mommy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grace, I know you have read enough advice already, so I would just say talk to God about it, ask him what he would have you do.
I'm sorry about some of my not so sensitive answers in the past, I will pray for you and your family. Seek out a church that can help you, and try to find family, you need them right now.
It is wrong when others tell you that you should never have to be unhappy or go through things, God said we would go through the valley, but we wouldn't stay there. But if your life is in danger, you must leave. Only you know really how bad it is.
God will meet you where your at, he will have something better for you down the road, or maybe God will make him the man he needs to be someday for you and the kids.
Pray it through, and dont go back till you know he has gone for counseling and is stable for a long time. Him crying for you to come back is not good enough.
I will miss seeing your questions in my email, I was looking forward to them.
2007-09-19 17:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well i can say you deserve better than him, you need to give yourself some credit as you are very aware of the situation, an now are doing something about it... You an your kids DO NOT need to be around a husband an farther who puts you thought that.. A guy who is like that either needs HELP, or needs to go to jail, no guy should very touch a women. Good luck an hope all goes well. I am here if you need to talk.
2007-09-19 16:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just put the kids to sleep, fill the bathtub with some hot water, have some tea if you don't like tea than maybe some water or something calming, take a few deep breaths and take a long bath. Remember as hard as you think you have it someone has it worse, keep your head up girl ! Relax a little, don't leave anyone behind your just going through some rough times, toughen up and than after the rough times are gone you will be able to have your head raised high and say you accomplished !
2007-09-19 14:18:45 · answer #9 · answered by SSS 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Make sure you have somewhere safe and comfortable to go.
Contact good friend or family member and ask them to come around and be with you for support. Try and find a counsellor you can talk to regularly for a while.
Once you can, find a new place to settle into then contact a lawyer to discuss options.
I am so sorry honey, I wish you the best of luck and hope I have helped a little. Cuddle your kids a lot.
2007-09-19 14:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋