No disrespectful comments, thats just rude.
Deeper i carve into my own flesh,
i take a look at this creation i've made into my wrist,
causing such a bloody bloody mess.
The thickening lines of blood running across my wrist,
a fine work of art, i must insist.
No, i don't have a problem, just a unhealthy obsession,
with my colorful artwork of self-mutilation.
You scream and shout "You'll regret those scars there!"
have you ever even THOUGHT, maybe it's what i want, maybe
i don't CARE.
To you it's gut-wrenching, a horrible unhealthy sight,
but to me it's beauty shining in it's brightest light...
2007-09-19 13:11:31 · 12 answers · asked by Saraaah:) 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
You need therapy.
2007-09-19 13:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Poetically? I have only one real criticism...your use of the lower case "i"...even in a self-mutilation piece, especially if you truly do not hate yourself and do it for some sort of twisted beauty's sake, you need to show your self-worth by using a capital "I"...the lower case "i" is not cute, it's not novel, modern, etc., it's demeaning, self-denying, indicates low self-esteem, self-loathing, inadequacy, etc. If that is what you're trying to imply, it's in conflict with what you "say" in the poem, and if you're trying to show the contradiction between your words and your actions, then it may do so, but it distracts from the poem itself. Use the upper case "I".
As far as the subject goes...if you're writing from a position of projection, in other words this is an action you do not do, but are projecting or imagining how someone who does this actually feels, then that's great. If, on the other hand, this is a practice you actually do...it's self destructive in ways you may not understand right now. You seem intelligent enough, so I'll assume this is a case of projection and leave it at that.
Again, poetically, it's not bad.
2007-09-23 08:17:09 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be a theme for this section. Apparently, this disease needs attention. When people says "true beauty is on the inside" that doesn't mean that you should go looking for it inside there.
I don't mean to be too flip, but my tone is about like the tone of this poem. It doesn't take the problem seriously. If someone is really doing this to themselves, a poetic expression of what's going on inside, not just outside, would help someone understand how the victim feels. Admitting that it's self-mutilation isn't very convincing. Admitting that it's something you really wish you could stop would be convincing.
2007-09-20 00:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by The Babe is Armed! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a literal interprtation of your own obbsession then I am sorry for you, but as a poem and just that, it is wonderful, stricking imagery, imaginative and it got me thinking more about self harm, a poem that can get the mind to wonder and think is a well written poem, and serves it's purpose, well done!
2007-09-23 18:46:51 · answer #4 · answered by kissaled 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, i don't have a problem, just a unhealthy obsession,
with my colorful artwork of self-mutilation.
- sounds a disgusting art that you enjoy! On the whole, it speaks clearly and good luck with your creative abilities.
2007-09-19 20:54:00 · answer #5 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem! You really captured a good sense of what a person doing this may feel like. I hope you do not feel like this, though. If you do, good luck!
2007-09-19 20:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...some topics are best not covered with cutesy trite rhymes. Self-mutilation is one of them.
If this is for real, please go get help. If this is merely a literary exploration, try it without the rhyme. It undermines the gravity of the issue.
2007-09-19 20:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love it. I don't think that way or anything!!!!It is very expressive and it's like your really in the person's head. I like how it contrasts between what other people think and what the person thinks
2007-09-19 20:38:40 · answer #8 · answered by Cottonswab!!!:) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good i like it it really shows how a person feels!!! =]
keep up the writing i have 6 books of poems!!!
2007-09-19 20:19:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
very creative but i hope you are not living this poem or know someone that is if so please get help or talk to someone immediately
2007-09-19 20:20:38 · answer #10 · answered by crazy in kzoo 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋