I feel that my husband has no respect for me in the bedroom. He wont take the time to you know and there isnt any four play. This is what he does he just climbs on top of me and forces his penis inside of me and it hurts and pinches. I feel like a prostitiute. He doesnt kiss me all over or anything he is a minute man he rips threw my vagina. i tried talking to him going to a councelor and everything he tries to take his time on me when he knows i am going to leave then when he thinks i am going to stay he will practially rape me again. so i wont have let him make love to me very much and his friends are coming to me telling me that he is going to strip clubs he tells me its not true and that both different people telling me this stuff he said they are just tying to break us up but they knew personal stuff about me sexually. I feel so empty and sad. He gets mad at me cause i wont kiss him but he kisses rough and forceful. I feel like a vitum.
2007-09-19 12:21:54 · 22 answers · asked by christina b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him you are a woman not a whore and you will not be treated like one.... tell him if he doesn't want to show you respect then you will find someone that will.... if he rapes you then have him arrested.... that is the only thing men like him understand.... maybe if he gets put in jail once he will be raped and then he will know what it feels like to be violated...
2007-09-19 12:28:23 · answer #1 · answered by DavidV 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Can I ask a couple of questions before I answer your questions? How did you two get together and how long have you been together? Did you have sex before you were married? If so was it the same way or is this something different since you've been married? How old are both of you? Do you two talk at all?
Ok enough for the questions. From what you wrote I would say that he is a very controlling, demanding guy. He only cares about himself with little regard for you. You truly are a victim of abuse. If you don't do something about it now it will only get worse with time. He may become verbally and physically abusive toward you. He needs professional help and if you don't do something soon you may need a doctor. I guess I have one more question: do you love him?
I think that you should leave if he refuses counselling or to at least talk with you in a rational manner without losing his temper which is what I expect from your description of the situation. Run do not walk away now.
2007-09-19 21:23:34 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear, it sounds like he's neither giving nor receiving.
You may want to start teaching him to Recieve. Light some candles. Put something soothing, like the ocean on the CD player.
Have him lie on his stomach and you give him a good, warm, loving massage. And that be the end of it. See if he'll go to sleep. Do it right before it's time to crash.
Repeat daily. Just him receiving. If he can tolerate it you can kiss and massage. The idea is for him to allow your touch.
Let him know his technique is no longer acceptable.
Go to SexInfo101, and Tantric Sex, learn a bit.
Consistently monitor your tone with him. Remain calm and placid. Breathe.
Eat nutritious meals, incorporate a good muti-vitamin into your diets, and get 8 hours sleep every night in a dark, quiet room.
Try renting a comedy a couple times a week. Pop some popcorn and have Movie Night. Laughter raises endorphin and seratonin levels. Help him with this.
You can upgrade to relationship-type movies or incorporate what you see in the comedies. Steve Martin, Father of The Bride. He doesn't raise his voice, he's tolerant, he loves his family.
And he's hilaraious.
Cyrano deBergerac (spell check's not gonna help that)...the way a man desires to have a woman....Ever After....a friendship and tender relationship. Put these things in his mind. I really think your man has, honestly, NO CLUE.
For whatever reason, he associates sex with violence. You have to teach him. He's not going to "figure it out himself."
See if you can find more information on receiving touch.
Part of it is going to be sensory. Part is going to be emotional. Be aware of when he finally does let down his guard and trust you to love him. I'd say this is something he greatly fears.
Once he can get past that, I think things may be better ....for you and your man.
Be consistent. Be calm. Breathe. Teach.
2007-09-19 19:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If my husband started acting like this all of a sudden, I would try and figure out what was wrong - it would be totally out of character. If things didn't go back to normal after some period of time, I would have to ask myself if I was ok with him being this way, or if I needed to leave the relationship. This kind of stuff would certainly make me question things.
However, if the man has always been this way for as long as I've known him, then I guess the fact that I was married to him would pretty much mean that these things didn't bother me that much.
2007-09-19 19:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am not in your position but I would not put up with it. Life is to short to be having bad sex. If you can't talk with him and have him consistently work on the sex, its never going to change. I don't think if his problem is being a minute man that you can fix that. The whole thing of him thinking that he can just throw you down and take it is cr**. I would really not be having that. Sex is supposed to be something special that bonds you, not some horrifying act by some guy that behaves like he has the right to throw you down and do what he wants with you. You should try talking with him, with the understanding that it is not acceptable to you, I would even think about finding somewhere else to stay or asking him to go stay somewhere else. Good luck to you...
2007-09-19 19:45:54 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would probably leave him if I were you. The only thing I would consider is hiring a dominatrix to come to the house and teach him how to treat a woman sexually and teach me how to dominate him and demand respect. If he didn't agree to it, I would leave for sure.
As much as you love him now, you could easily love someone better in the future.
2007-09-19 19:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave there is absolutley no intimacy in the relationship and i think that is really important when you are married and as far as the strip club thing..are there any reasons why his friends would want to break you guys up..im guessing no so i would believe them..he has problems and i wouldnt stand for that..bu t it is ultimatley your decision and make your decision be for you dont try to please anybody else do what you feel if you are fed up then leave
2007-09-19 19:34:27 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffany R 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The way you are being treated is insensitive and violent. I am sorry for you. You need to sit him down and tell him that you can no longer tolerate this type of behavior. He is hurting you and doesn't seem to care. You need to have him understand that he has to take time and be gentle in order to get you to respond to him. He should not be discussing your private business with anyone but you. I think you should try to get him to go to a marriage counsellor with you so you can get some help with this issue. If he won't listen and continues to abuse you (that is what it is), then you need to consider leaving. You are a victim of sexual abuse and brutality. He needs to learn to treat you with respect, gentleness and love if he expects you to stay with him. It is no wonder that you are feeling empty and sad; this is not the way someone who loves you should be treating you. If he won't go for counselling, you go yourself and learn how to stand up for yourself and not allow anyone to treat you this way. You deserve so much better.
2007-09-19 19:33:59 · answer #8 · answered by turkeybrooknj 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Was he not like this prior to marriage? If not, what has changed. If so, why are you complaining now? If you're not happy, you need to tell him what you need and that you will not be "raped" anymore, not one more time. If he is unwilling to go to therapy or do anything to change, then you need to decide how to proceed.
2007-09-19 19:27:34 · answer #9 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
than maybe you should leave. but you know when my husband doesn't want to have sex with me it makes me mad and if he didn't want to kiss me than i would really be pissed. sounds like he doesn't have a wife who respects him either. you have to be tentive to his needs as well as him to yours. you like it all nice and slow and he doesn't so take turns and as far as him just sticking it in and it hurting because of no for play that is what lube is for so that it will just slide right in so no forplay needed. **** sometimes people just want to f*ck and not all that kissy kissy crap. but if you truely have a problem with this than leave but if everything is okay in the relationship than maybe you should have willing sex with him more and kiss your husband and stop acting like a damn prude
2007-09-19 19:35:04 · answer #10 · answered by stt143 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋