What letter grade do you think this paragraph deserves (Biology homework)?

Question

I wanted to test to see if caffeine effects the heart beat rate in mice. Mice have a higher heart beat rate than humans. I predict the caffeine will affect the heartbeat of mice. I went and bought fourty of the same species of mice, all around the same age. I put 20 mice in one 4x5 cage, and the other 20 in another 4x5 cage. In one of the cages I fed each of the mice a treat covered in caffeine. I waited 15 minutes (the average time it takes for caffeine to kick in) and hooked up each of the mice to a machine. The machine tracks heartbeats per minute. I fed the other cage the same type of treats, but with no caffeine on them. The average heart beats per minute in the caffeine dosed group was 78 per minute. The non-caffeine dosed group had an average of 62 per minute. My hypothesis was correct, caffeine does affect the he

I must have the following :

State the problem
Gather info
Hypothesis
Experiment

Control group
Experimental group
Dependent variable
Independent variable

Analyze
Conclusion

By the way I wrote this in 5 minutes, so dont expect the best that could have came out of me lol

Its freshman biology, shes not going to go insane with the grades. And yes this is a made up experiment.

Answer 1

Don't hate me for this but I would give you a 60. I'm sure if you took more time then 5 minutes, you could get so much better but right now, as it is, it is not too good. I think a 60 = C-. Anyways, you kept on repeating information that was already said and the paragraph was so choppy and didn't flow properly.

Answer 2

Here are some problems I noticed:

1. Watch your spelling ... affects, not effects.
2. I don't see any evidence of finding information before you started the experiment. (I assume that this is a made-up activity to practice the scientific method, so make up some research.)
3. Not "I went and bought", but "I bought" or "I acquired".
4. Cage size is 4x5? inches? cm? meters?
5. Mice - males and females?
6. Normal heartbeat of mice?
7. Identify the hypothesis, the groups, the variables, etc.

If I were your teacher, I'd have you edit this before I gave you a grade. If I had to give you a grade, it would probably be a D. At first I was thinking of a C, but when I re-read your question I realized that you hadn't identified the variables and so on.

Put some more time in it if you want the grade.

I'd strongly suggest dividing the paragraph into at least two paragraphs: first one about the question and set-up and the second paragraph about the results and conclusions.

Answer 3

A- 95% You did it well but not perfect so yea 95%

Answer 4

I'd send it back

all scientific experiments should be written up in the passive voice.

(nobody's interested in I, you or the Cat's mother) they are interested in what happened