most women would have left a long time ago!! right? he's 37yrs and i'm 34yrs.?

Question

If you were to meet me i would appear to you as a young, pretty, smart, independant,happy woman, loves her family & life. BUT in reality on the inside i'm dieing! i'm ashamed, terrified, confused, angry, sad, bitter and quite frankly an emotional wreck. together 7 yrs w/my husband & have endured so much pain. i was married previously and have 3 kids(live with me) and he has 3 kids (they live w/their moms) i'm a loving & forgiving person but i can't do it anymore!!! just tip of the iceberg... he has physically abused me (broke my hand, bruised kidneys, numerous bruises & beatings(never when kids are home) , emotionally abused, mentally tormented, he has been mean to my friends & family (they won't come around) cold to my kids (not talking to them), lies continuosly, lied about having another child he wants nothing to do with, only thinks of himself & having a good time, came onto my sister-n-law, killed my sons pet snake, had to have abortion becasue of who i'm married to,owes $30k c/s

i have been through so much but i keep going! i'm not stupid & never thought i would be in a situation like this. i never thought i would tolerate this. but here i am! i want to break loose & discover myself again! i have so much to offer my family, friends, kids, some day someone else, & myself! i know this. i just don't understand why it's so hard for me to leave! most people who see him think he's this great guy, good looking, charming and full of life & i'm lucky to have him but they don't see the dark side of him. i saw those things at first too and thought that is who he was. i was terribly wrong &before i knew it i was controlled & swept into this life of pain & anxiety. i need to leave. i don't deserve this & neither do my kids. i just don't know how to break away emotionally &physically. he's a great charmer has convinced me before to let him come home. i wanted to believe him but here i am again. how do i keep focused once i make him leave? i just want to be happy not scared.

Answer 1

God doesn't want you to suffer, honey. HE loves you and he DIED for you....He wants you to be happy. And he wouldn't blame you if you leave this man today !!! You deserve to live in peace and you have to protect yourself so you can protect your kids, too!!!

This husband of yours is a terrible person, and you have endured a lifetime of horror already....PLEASE GET OUT NOW and DONT LOOK BACK!

You are NOT stupid, OK? You are a VICTIM and you need HELP ASAP. Contact your family, pack some clothes and LEAVE TODAY!

Abusers do not change; they get worse over time. They have SEVERE issues and traumas, and no one can help them except God. They lie and manipulate others, and they do not care about anyone except themselves. THEY ARE SICK.

Many women have been in your situation and they have had the guts to leave before it was too late for them or their kids...So please ASK FOR HELP and run before it's too late!!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.....

Answer 2

You sound just like my sister. It took her 17 YEARS to get away from the idiot she married. Her husband was a smooth talker, and a social butterfly. People that met him thought he was a great guy, she endured a lot of the same things you did. She would go to my mom's or call me when things were bad and say she was done. She was getting her and her children away form him, but then things would calm back down and he would come back home. She was 37 when she finally got the courage to stick to her decision. Her only regret now is that she waited so long.
Get a journal and write down everything you just wrote here. Then in those weak moments look back at them and read them and reread them, until it sinks in. YOU DESERVE BETTER AND SO DO YOUR KIDS! Your children will probably be relieved when he's gone too. (my nieces were when their dad left. They love him, don't get me wrong, but they yearned for stability and calmness) There is a world and a new life waiting for you, but you have to take that first step out the door. Just take it one day at a time. You know he's a manipulator, so don't even talk to him. You don't have any children with him, so you have no reason to stay in contact. If he calls, don't answer it. If you have a cell phone change the number. You won't regret leaving, but you will be full of regrets if you stay.

Answer 3

First of all you have to consider the safety of your kids, one of these days he will turn that anger toward them and severely injure or worse kill one of them. A guy like that is out of control when he starts. So GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!!! There are a number of organizations available to help. I don't know where you live but I'm sure if you checked the yellow pages you could find some support groups. No woman deserves to be treated like that. There are also places to run to "Safe Nest" or the like. Also many communities have 24 hour hot lines you can call for assistance. But if you don't care enough about yourself, please, please consider the kids because it won't be long before they are involved, then you'll have even more regrets. For your sake and theirs leave today. Pack up and go.

Answer 4

OH Honey, I'm sorry you have had to go through all of this. You asked if most women would have left, I would. I love myself too much to have to go through what you are going through now. I did have a husband that was verbally abusive to me, but never hit me and I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up leaving him after 7 years. You or your children shouldn't have to live like this. You deserve to be treated well and so do your children. I know it is easy for me to say leave him, but if I were in your shoes I would. I don't know where you are at, but I'm sure there are organizations that will help you leave if you want to.


http://www.angelfire.com/ar/LRfuzz1/shelters/dvsrca.html

Here is a website that may be of help to you.
Good Luck

Answer 5

Without any hesitation I can say I think you should leave. Abuse does not normally just stop. You don't have to take it. There are many avenues to help you get out of this. I am sure that your family and friends would be more than supportive. The fact that he abused you and killed your son's pet is just, for lack of a better word, evil.

Answer 6

Babe you should've done washed your hands of this man. I have never pesonally been in an abusive relationship but I know of one of my best friends. leave now not only for yourself but for your kids as well. it will never get any better but just worse. And sooner or later your kids will find out if they haven't already. find you a support group to help you cope. The sooner you leave him the sooner you can forget about him and start your life over again. No woman should be treated like that. Hope everything works out for the best

Answer 7

PLEASE.......get out NOW! Take your children and leave.......Find a women's shelter.........It won't be an easy road to go down...but if this man is physically abusive and capable of killing a child's pet, there is no knowing what he is capable of in the future.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. His behaviour is disgusting, and you are not responsible for HIS behaviour.
Physically abusive partners ALWAYS manage to isolate their victim from family and friends. It's part of their means of controlling the victim. And you ARE a victim!
This will not get any better if you stay, but it could get a LOT worse. Please save yourself and your kids by leaving as sooon as possible.

Answer 8

I'm really sorry you have to endure this.... well i'm really sorry you choose to endure this. it's never easy... to get out of a marriage especially when you've been married for years.yes you may be a loving n forgiving person, but there is a limit. you should never have to forgie someone constantly, for a broken hand or a bruised kidney! they aren't accidents. when he inflicted pain upon upon you he did it because he is weak selfish immoral and plain immature. he did it because he wanted to. and fighting back does not make you less of a loving or forgiving person. by fighting back i do not mean , hitting him back. i mean not staying in your abusive marriage and enduring it. even though the kids have never witnessed the abuse, it still isnt a safe environment for them,,,you even mentioned emotional abuse...he's cold to them. children need to be love....they need time, care and love... he is not able to provide that for you or your kids. so do it for your kids, if you do not want to do it for yourself. you do not deserve to be beaten like an egg!!

Answer 9

(never when the kids are home) and some how you find comfort in that?
Its wrong and you know it. Its not going to be easy, but once you're gone life does get better and better. Start your plan secretly and make it happen.

http://www.drirene.com/
Website looks cheesy, but it has got tons of useful information.
Constantly remind yourself:
"Dump the guilt; this is about survival. It is your responsibility to take good care of the precious gift you were given:
Your mind, Your body, Your soul.

Answer 10

Time to get out NOW. I know you are scared I was too.I stayed 12 years and that was way 12 years too long to a drug addict who emotionally and physically abused me.My nerves are shot from him.Leave before there is permanent damage or he kills you.It only gets worse.I left once he promised to change and all that and I came back and it got worse.Til I finally loved myself enough to leave.I have 3 children.