Hey everyone! Before I get started, I just want to say that we all make mistakes in life and this mistake is the biggest one that I have made. My wife and son did not move with me to Italy because my wife decided she did not want to be with me anymore. We are still married but been separated for 8 months. We are going through a divorce right now. I met a beautiful german woman 3 months ago..she is crazy about me and I am crazy about her. I don't ever want to lose her. There is something wrong...I have not told her that I was married and have a son. There reason why I have not told her is because I waited so long to tell her and I didn't think that we would become so serious. I want to tell her but I know she will be upset and will not trust me again. A couple of days ago we told each other that we loved each other. I need all the assistance I can get.
2007-09-19 09:39:52 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell her the truth, tell her the reason you didn’t tell her before was, because you didn’t know it was going to get this serious. However now that you have fallen in love you want her to know about your past. If you wait it will only be harder, and she will find out some day.
2007-09-19 09:56:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm
Well, if you didn't have a child by your wife I'd say just continue with the divorce asap and be done with it.
But, since you have a son, he will be part of your life forever, and this you cannot change. If you stay with this woman and end up getting married your son WILL be made known to her. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
I'd say to let the initial "I love you's" float and settle before you drop this A-Bomb on this woman. Don't ruin this stage of the relationship by bringing this out into the open. You now have to wait. This is one of those biggies that should have been made known right away, or son after meeting and talking to her.
Now, things are somewhat fragile and if you bring this up and lay it on her doorstep it could cause damage.
My only thought is to wait until you feel she feels safe and secure with you and your relationship, and then start telling her things about you...sharing the skeletons in your closet. Then bring this up and tell her that the distance and so on has made the progress slow and it's taking a lot of time, but a divorce IS in the works. It would help if you had bona fide documentation to back this up. This will show her you are on the up-and-up.
Don't do a lot of tap-dancing around this. Share it openly when you do, do it kindly and matter-of-factly, as if it's no big deal, then tell her that you have been so enamored with her (which is true from what I gather by your description) that the divorce just seemed like a million miles away....which may be true for all I know.
Then deal with the wave she comes back with. She may be a cool lady and understanding.
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching, but.....people should disclose things about themselves to each other. Especially things like this. How would you feel if she dropped some bomb on you?
You never know for sure what's behind those eyes.
Be well, and good luck friend.
2007-09-19 10:59:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have made mistakes and some are bigger then others, you must tell this new woman as soon as you can so it doesn't come between you and her. It may not be too late, for some day you will have your son to visit and then its really too late and then you'll be screwed. After all as a Dad you will want to keep in touch with your son and share your pride with your new friend, Do it now and hopefully she will understand so you can start a new life with her.
2007-09-19 10:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not really all that big of a problem. The truth is always the best thing. I want to know why you think it's OK to leave your son, because apparently you've had no contact with him since being with this woman...
2007-09-23 02:19:19 · answer #4 · answered by Bridgeview 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is holding up the divorce? You should know that it is definitely moving forward before you spill your guts and then keep the poor gal waiting forever. Suck it up and tell her asap.
2007-09-22 08:51:36 · answer #5 · answered by tallbbwsearches4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. I'm not going to judge you, but as a woman who went through something similar I can tell you that the longer you wait, the worse it will be!
Everybody has skeletons in their closet- no exceptions! But if you want to have at least a chance with this German lady, you HAVE to gather your guts and TELL her about your past life.
When my husband told me about his past wives (yes, plural) and kids, I had been dating him for two years already....
I almost died of shock! Wanna hear my story?
From the very beginning he would tell me things like : "If you knew about my past ,you'd drop me like a hot potato..." but I never quite believed him. I assumed he was exaggerating.
When he finally had the courage to tell me EVERYTHING, he started by saying "Please listen to me and don't interrupt. This is very hard for me because I know there is a huge chance that once you hear me out you will leave me; but I have to tell you something..." THAT introduction made my skin crawl and I prepared for the worst....OMG...Was he gay?
Was he married? An addict of some kind ?
Granted....It wasn't easy for me to sit and LISTEN....But I did.
I sat and chain-smoked as he spilled out everything....
When he finished, I asked him to please leave because I needed to digest the information....and to please not call me.
I would contact him when I had decided what to do.
He left , heartbroken and was sure I was never going to call him or see him again. He felt SO bad for having withheld this information for so long, you see....
So I cried my heart out and made a list of pros and cons. And I decided, 3 days later, that he was the man for me....We're very happy together and we were fortunate to overcome this.
.................................................................
So....my advice is this: TELL HER TODAY... and prepare her for the worst. Tell her you will understand if she feels betrayed and hurt; and tell her you are sorry to hurt her but that you cannot keep on seeing her if she doesn't know who you really are.
And brace yourself.
Be prepared in case she freaks out....and ends it.
Good luck.
2007-09-19 10:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to go any further with her your going to have to tell her because she is going to find out eventually anyways. If she loves you like she says then she will accept it.
2007-09-19 15:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by Megan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think 3 months is a long time?
Tell her the truth and do it real soon. Otherwise you are going to have a BIGGER mess!
2007-09-19 10:01:45 · answer #8 · answered by peggy m 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm. my current boyfriend is in Italy ...listen..don't let anyone from ASK YAHOO..to give you advice..do what is best for your kid and you..and be honest with the German women..because in the end she might leave you for lying ...if she is that forgiving..ha ha..
2007-09-19 09:57:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No big deal, tell her that you are getting a divorce and want to be with her.
2007-09-19 09:54:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋