My girlfriend has a best friend (a guy) that loves her, and I'm getting tired.?

Question

I've told her how I feel, but it still causes problems. I'm getting sick and tired of it. I can't talk about things that are bothering me because she's got too much stress from school to try and deal with more. I'm supposed to help her relieve stress, but I can't ignore things that are pissing me off. Every time we fight, he's right there telling her how he wouldn't fight and he loves her so much. Yesterday we were fighting, this morning he left a note in her locker of all the reasons he loves her. I'm getting sick of this ****, My feelings matter too, so how can I pretend this isn't bugging me just so I don't cause her undue stress? What do I do? They've been best friends for years and we've been together 8 months. I want to help her with school and not cause stress but it's hard when I feel so insecure. please help...

We're also engaged. And something else that bothers me (just makes me feel insecure) is

Answer 1

.

Answer 2

Take a deep breath, relax, and remember to look out for #1,(thats you bro). Sounds like a small lack of respect on her part but nothing to worry about. Possibly you need to earn back some of her respect by showing her how well you can take care of yourself. You may try having an attitude where you dont mind other guys around your girl because it just proves how hot she is and shes with you. As long as there are no lines crossed where you have established them your good. What ever you do, do not get married until you end these fellings of doubt and insecurity, that would be really stupid. Im not saying this would happen, but if she does cheat or lead you on and your not married at that time, you can leave the relationship, hold you head up high, and know for the past 8 months you have been having the most sex in your life and your next "woman" will appriciate your experience in the sac. I'm not saying walk around like your soon to be spouse is just practice for the real thing, because acting like that would bring you down to her level, but you just gotta tweak your attitude a little. Dont let her lack of respect get you down, just keep it real with #1.

Answer 3

Wow! You're in a difficult place! First off, you need to have a heart to heart with her somewhere away from all the stress - perhaps take a drive out of town for an afternoon and go out to eat and tell her how you feel. Focus the conversation on your concern for your relationship with her, not on your feelings. If you talk about your feelings do it in the context of your relationship with her. But note, if you sound or act angry or insecure that'll come across as you being clingy and that will push her away. You need to sound confident and willing to let her go if that's what she wishes. Odds are this will draw her back to you. You may also need to set a boundary with her explaining that if she wants to share her heart with another guy friend or not she's free to do that but it won't work for your relationship. Good luck!

Answer 4

whether it will cause stress or not, you need to talk to her about this. you both need to make some decessions, this friend need to step back, and understand that she is not with him, she's with you. he does not need to be proclaiming his love to you every other day. you CAN NOT tell your fiance to stop being friends with him, that is not fair, and relationships have to be fair to work. but things do have to change, more on the friend's side. even have a talk with all three of you together. if it still doesn't work, i'm sorry, but i think that relationship will fail.

i have a fiance with a best friend in love with him. you have no idea! but things did get better after the conversation. and i made it clear that if a situation like this cam up again, i was gone, but before i left i was gonna beat the crap out of her. i know that sounds mean and rude, but i explained her that, and since she knows, we were good. and i', happy now.

good luck. i hope everything works for you!!

Answer 5

You know what how about she start caring about your stress level as well. If she is mature enought to be engaged one thig she has to learn is not to allow someone to come between her and her husband ever and she needs to set him straight now because he wont respect your realtionship if she doesnt even respect it. So tell her how you feel. Don't yell or argue but sit her down and calmly explain that this relationship with this other guy bothers you. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot how would she feel if some girl were your friend but in love with you and doing the same things that her male "friend" is doing. She needs to cut ties with him.

Answer 6

you should give her an ultimatum, f she doesn't stop hanging around this guy friend while you two are supposed to plan your life together then you'll leave her. if her guy friend loves her so much,why doesn't he marry her then.

he is way too close to her, and she should be focusing on school and the future. life is stress, just b/c school is stressing doesn't make it ok to not talk about your issues. she's supposed to be aware of your concerns as well. you should pretend its not bugging you. then your whole life will be a pretend marriage. it should be you and her only, not some guy friend who loves her. he's not in the equation.

Answer 7

You should let her go. Not that there's anything wrong with her. Your belief system tells you that when you have a girlfriend, you OWN her. The fact that another person loves your GF is a compliment but your raging ego won't lt you see it that way. He is validating to you that she has many desirable qualities and would be a catch for any man. Except you, maybe.

Not only should you let her go, you shouldn't be in another relationship at all until you can resolve these issues that you have with yourself. But go ahead and get married. I look forward some day seeing you on the Dr. Phil Show.

Answer 8

If you are engaged to this girl and she is accepting notes from some other guy, are you sure you want to marry this girl? if you can't trust her before you are married and if she won't listen to you now, do you really think she will when you are married?
i'm not saying you aren't supposed to be together.

but why don't you try talking to her & ask her how she would feel if some girl started writing you a bunch of letters saying how she loved you and she wouldn't stop. if your fiancee really loves you, she wouldn't want another girl doing that and she should tell this guy to stop.

I'm sorry for this. I hope things go better for you.xx

Answer 9

I don't care how long she's known him, she needs to make a choice, you or him. It's within her power to tell him his affections aren't appropriate. She's to be wedded to you. Either she tells him to back off, or tells you she isn't ready, and then you can talk about how your relationship should be. She's being selfish, wanting the attention of two men.

Katzy's first to say such wisdom as I and others have given. Give her the ten points.

I haven't read all of the answers, but, Tom C, you're full of post rationalizing crap. Leaving love notes to a woman and comparing yourself to her fiance is not a simple expression of love.

Answer 10

Actually you are completely within your rights to tell her that her relationship with her best friend has crossed the line and that it is jeopardizing YOUR relationship with her. Her best friend doesn't recognize your relationship with her and is in fact trying to break the two of you up.

She may like the attention of having 2 men in love with her or she just really wants to stay friends with her best friend but she DOES have to decide which is more important. You or him. She needs to tell her best friend that they are only FRIENDS (if that is the case) and let him know what his boundaries are. By letting him "court her" he thinks it's okay and that he has a shot.

You should always let your S.O. know where you stand in a relationship, especially if there's something this big that's bugging you. You're only doing yourself a disservice if you don't let her know.

Answer 11

You shouldn't feel so insecure shes with you for a reason right? Sounds to me like she is playing both sides. She knows both of you love her. I would tell her how you feel and if she won't respect your feelings then break it off. Theres plenty of fish in the sea.