How would you react if your brother/son/boyfriend/best friend revealed to you that they were gay?

Question

I'm researching for my Drama devised piece. Any help would be much appreciated.
I want to find out different peoples reactions and thought who better to ask than the people of the Internet?
Also,How would it affect your relationship with the person and If you are gay how did relations and friends react when you told them?

Thankyou

Answer 1

My brother, whom I haven't seen for about 9 years (but we keep in touch ), met up with me this year and admitted that he's gay. I asked him outright, and he said yes and wondered how I knew. He's not camp or effeminate, and is your normal, average guy, but I suspected he was for a long time because of the lack of girlfriends etc. (he's 29). I've always thought I was open-minded, liberal thinking and cosmopolitan but I was very upset for the next few days when it sank in. I still don't know hy, but it was the confirmation of it, I suppose, as well as the regret and loss of his chances of getting married and having a family. It isn't possible for him to have a same sex marriage because it is illegal where he's living, and he cannot come out because my mom would quite possibly murder him or die of a broken heart, lol. It hasn't affected my relationship with him, but I feel bad when I talk to my parents and they say that he's gone to stay at his mate's, when I know it's his partner's he's staying at. I also feel terrible for him for living a lie, and trying to stave off the inevitable question about marriage from my parents and relatives. They have been trying to arrange a marriage for him but he keeps putting them off, but he won't be able to do that forever. Good luck for your drama piece, anyway.

Answer 2

If it were my boyfriend I would be a little shocked seeing as how I'm a gay man ;-)

And now that you know that, best friend or brother telling me wouldn't really throw me that much because I've been through it and I know what it's like. Just being there for moral support is one of the most important things a sibling or friend can do in such a situation. As for changes, we might find it easier to talk over certain issues which may have been "taboo" or uncomfortable before. There's a young man (my junior by about 25 years) who I've known for almost his entire life. He came out to me a couple years ago at a family get-together at an amusement park. We ended up spending some time together to talk about gay issues and had a really great time. No hanky-panky (my best friend, his aunt, would have NEVER forgiven me and he's like family anyway so that would have been icky...) but we were able to connect through our shared and common experiences.

I'm not too sure how I'd feel about my son telling me he was gay, odd as that sounds. I'm not a parent so I can only answer this from a truly theoretical point of view. While I would be proud that he could accept himself as he is, I think the paternal part of me would worry about his surviving through what I survived through. I think all parents desire a better life for their child than what they themselves experienced.

When I came out, things stayed pretty much the same except between me and my Mom though it's kind of hard to tell whether my coming out is the problem or if her neuroses are the problem. At any rate, none of my friends were particularly surprised and they treated me just the same.

Answer 3

This is a v sensitive and difficult situation. I would contine to love my brother/son/friend just the same. They would need even more TLC after 'coming out'.

It would have to be the end of a hetrosexual relationship with a boyfriend if he 'came out' as gay. It would depend on the circumstances if we could remain friends.

I think Society has changed. It is easier than it was 20 years ago for someone to 'come out' as gay (we have one or two gay people at work who happily are accepted and aren't discriminated against-it would be illegal as well as wrong anyway), but many people are still homophobic and that is not just the older generation. I know our mother would continue to love/accept my brother if he suddenly announced he was gay (he is not) but others in their teens/20's would attack a gay man, especially if drunk.

Answer 4

well my reaction would be different for each circumstance - if it were my brother, i feel that somewhere inside i would have had some sort of feeling that maybe this was the case. i might react in disbelief tho depending on my age/his age cause if teenagers alot of times siblings fear that the behavior of their bro/sis reflects on them ...with fear comes some anger usually - but also some relief if i had some sort of clue before this; son: as any parent one always is worried for their kid no matter how good bad or indifferent the situation is. for me i would have no problem if my kid was gay - however, i would worry about societal pressures and cruelty. again I would feel that i had some sort of idea this was the case. i would make sure that my son knew that i loved him no matter what and supported his lifestyle and accepted him totally. boyfriend would be really different because i would have had romantic expectations and probably would be pretty angry in some way but would be ok with it as soon as i processed it ... it would proabably take me a bit tho - best friend i would love no matter what and probably be happy that they found their truth!! hope this helped!!

Answer 5

I've had this happen to me and my reaction was nothing really. They are still the same person. When I was a teen the reaction was probably different because back then immature responses to such things are what are normal. In fact even then a few hours of "you dirty so and so" followed by an evening's reflection was probably enough for me to just let it go and get on with the friendship as normal.

Answer 6

I am Bi so it wouldn't bother me. I have yet to tell everyone in my life, but quite a few know. It is difficult; a scenario you can have for free 4 your drama is something I have done. Something I have done from time is get ridiculously drunk with people I work with or am friends with who don't know or I'm not out with and blurt it out. It isn't that I deliberately set out to tell people as I begin to slurp the booze down it is just easier when your heavily intoxicated and pissed (drunk to Americans). That will make good drama but I don't recommend it as advice. You can use what happens afterwards which where you have to go and see them stone-cold sober and face their reactions which is a little embarrassing. A lot of the people I have told have not had a problem with it at all. That’s worth remembering as it isn't as terrible as some people might think. Another thing, please don't paint your character as some camp stereotype, they exist in plenitude but were not all like that and we are human beings so try your best to portray your character as one.
One more thing; to the silly woman on this page who would shoot her son if he came out to her. You obviously don't love your son, as you would accept him for what he is, whatever that is. Why give birth to someone if you aren't going to accept him or her for what they are! Sorry honey but there are far worse things in the world than being gay, rapists, murders anyone?

Answer 7

Well one of my close friends revealed to me she was a lesbian. At first i didnt know how to act around her and altered the way i thought of her as an individual. I erased all the good about her and just focused on this one thing. I went through a time where i thought she did this on purpose and she could change if she wanted to. I soon came to realize that she is the same person before if not better. Today, I love her more than ever and everything is the same as it used to be. I came to realize that being a lesbian doesn't mean she isnt the same person. She is who she is regardless of her sexual orientation!

Answer 8

Brother, son, best friend - I'd say "yeah, I know". Nothing changes. I've had gay n lesbian friends since I was 12, all the roommates I've had, and I have lesbian family members.

Boyfriend - I'd be pissed, hurt n betrayed - because they'd been dishonest in our relationship (I'd have asked them outright before ever getting to that level). Everything changes.

People's sexuality and/or sexual proclivities - I have no problem with. I DO have a problem with people who cannot be honest or who feel they have to hide and are dishonest by proxy.

Answer 9

You know, now we live in the 21st cent, discovering that the pope was gay would`nt shock anyone, because it`s become so a matter of fact and acceptable now it`s almost boring, now if they said that they were or had paedophile tendencies then I would react, but gay, well I would say good for you kid, and move on ,simple
Regards
Ryan DiorX

Answer 10

Well in my case it was my sister. I was shocked at first and asked a lot of questions because I didn't understand, and then I she asked me if I still loved her, and I said of course! She's still my sister after all, and really...who she sleeps with is none of my business. In fact I like her wife much better than some of the boyfriends she's has in the past. It didn't really change our relationship because my sister is who she is and the fact that she told me she was gay didn't change the person she was at all.