He's not someone that I have spoken to in a while. We were very good friends in high school and college. We are both 30 now. He has since moved across the country. I found out through a mutual friend that he has come out of the closet. Evidently, he had a really tough time with this, even contemplating suicide. I would like to make contact with him and tell him everything is cool. I'm glad that he has found himself and wish him the best. The thing is, during our friendship, we were very much alpha males and I had no idea that he was gay. I think he would feel very awkward around me and maybe think I would not like him now knowing that he is gay. Anyone had a similar experience. Where do I go from here?
2007-09-19 06:40:03 · 7 answers · asked by Ham B 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Yes, I had a similar experience, except that I was the gay guy who came out. That story reads almost exactly like my experience. I worked in public safety with a guy who became my best friend. I was deeply closeted, and I do not fit the bull**** stereotype that most people have. Thus, my friend had no idea at all. After an Iraq deployment (I was also military, which further complicated this issue,) I returned to my home state and went back to college for a career switch. I also finished my military service and went back to civilian life, deciding that I was finally going to deal with being gay (like your buddy, I carried this weight around for all that time). I ended up coming out to him about six months ago. Yes, it was damn awkward and I just knew that the friendship was going to end the instant I said "I'm gay", but it didn't. He is fine with it and, if anything, we are closer friends because of it. He had no idea I either, and we have talked a lot about it, and he now has an understanding of just how f***ing hard it is to live with this. So, in your case, he may feel a bit awkward about it at first, but I think that he will actually be relieved as hell to know that you know, and are fine with it. So, my advice....get in touch and tell him that you know, that everything is fine, and that you are still friends. Trust me, I think that will mean a lot coming from you. If you have any other questions, you can e-mail me if you want to ask them. Good luck, and thanks for being open-minded and supportive to your friend...that's awesome!
2007-09-19 06:59:30 · answer #1 · answered by john 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Continue to be a good close friend to him. Tell him that you will support him and be there if he needs anyone to talk to and that he is a great person no matter what anyone says and you will stand by him. He will open up when he is comfortable talking to you about it and grow to trust you more as a person and friend
2007-09-19 06:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by A O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him just what you said about it being cool. No more. Leave out the part about the "alpha males." He'll be happy to hear from you.
2007-09-19 07:55:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be a good friend, let him know that sexual preference is not an issue in your friendship. Seriously you have platonic female friends and their sexual preference is not an issue.
I have several gay friend and it's not an issue.
2007-09-19 06:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call him - the sooner the better - if the dude almost commited suicid he needs more support and yours sounds perfect.
I am continually amazed at people like you - you are a great guy!
2007-09-19 06:54:04 · answer #5 · answered by reallynaughtystl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be the friend you always were... Treat him like you would any other friend, let him bring up the "gay" issue when he wants.
2007-09-19 15:38:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he would appreciate hearing from you and knowing that his orientation doesn't change your friendship. If he has had a tough time with it hearing from an old friend would certainly be welcome.
2007-09-19 13:17:49 · answer #7 · answered by golden oldy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋