What do you thank?

Question

Walk Away

Every time you walk away I say come back
You never even turn around I knew it was over
I stand there thanking what i did to deserve this
I try calling you but you never answer my calls
When i try to get you out of my mind it comes right back
When i don't to hear our song it comes on
I want to keep the memories you throw them all away
When i pass the spot where we met i start to cry because your gone

What do you thank about this poem? it is called walk away, should i add anything, take out anything, or keep it the same? should it be called Walk Away? be truthful

Answer 1

I thank the dictionary for existing...and I thank God that there are literate people out there. If you're an ESL student, I apologize--if not, wow.
1) it's "you're," not "your"
2) your "poem" isn't even a poem--there's no metre or rhyme at all
3) do you know what punctuation is? some sentences, i.e. the second sentence, makes no sense without punctuation
4) "thanking what I did to deserve this": the vocabulary and sentence construction makes absolutely no sense
5) 5th sentence: why do you say "you" and then refer to him as "it"?
6) "When I don't to hear our song" makes no sense
7) the next sentence also makes no sense because there's no punctuation
8) "YOU'RE"

Answer 2

I credit your attempt at poetry. It is not an easy thing to write a poem and then post it for people to review, so you've overcome the first two biggest hurdles for a poet: write a poem, ask for comment. The next hurdle is to listen to comments without trying to defend your position. Not all reviews will be accurate, but they each tell you the author's perspective on your poem, which is precisely what you requested (don't shoot the messenger).

That being said, you need to understand a few ground rules for poetry. It doesn't have to rhyme, but it needs to do more than just "tell" us...if you only tell us, you're writing prose, which is okay if you want to write a story, but not if you want to write a poem. Grammar, punctuation, spelling and syntax is very important in poetry because they are what allow the reader to picture what you're saying, and hear what you're saying the way you meant it to be heard when you are not actually reading it out loud. For example, your poem should have said,

Every time you walk away, I say, "Come back!"
You never even turn around

however, you then say, "I knew it was over", but don't follow it up or explain yourself. "I stand there thanking"...okay, perhaps a typo and you meant "thinking", but it is not a follow up to your previous line. Assuming you finish the previous line's thought, this line should look like this:

I stand there thinking, "what did I do to deserve this" or "why do I deserve this".

When I don't "want" to hear our song, it comes on. It doesn't make sense unless you add "want". Many of these types of errors can be found if you simply have someone else read your poem out loud. Don't correct them, just make notes on the parts that sound strange and you'll catch most of these kinds of errors.

Spelling errors are death to a poem..."you're" means "you are" and "your" means something that belongs to you...they are homonyms, because they sound alike, but they don't mean the same thing (not synonyms).

Don't let the negative aspects of the feedback get you down...it's all part of improving as a poet. Just listen to the comments, especially the negative ones, and try to improve the poem by editing or starting over with a new poem.

keep writing

Answer 3

You don't have to have rhyme and meter to have a poem. You write from your heart, and the emotion says it is a poem. The punctuation in a poem is up to the poet, especially in free verse like this. However it is good to use standard spelling, like using a capital I for the word instead of i, and don't use "thank" for "think." Using some commas and semicolons might help make your poem easier to read. "Walk Away" is fine. You might want to call it "Because You're Gone" Here is an example of how you might punctuate it and refine it a bit:

Every time you walk away, I whisper "come back".
You never even turn around; I knew it was over
I stand there thinking, "What did I do to deserve this?"
I try calling you, but you never answer my calls
When I try to get you out of my mind,
The thought of you comes back
When I don't want to hear our song, it comes on.
I want to keep memories; you throw them all away
When I pass the spot where were met, I start to cry
--because you're gone

Answer 4

OK, I get it that there was a breakup and you're hurt, and you wrote a poem about it to express your feelings. Just because you feel deeply about something doesn't make you a great poet. First you have to have a command of the english language. spelling, grammar, etc.
I hope your poem helps you to feel better, but it's really not for sharing.

Answer 5

It is a decent fine poem, with heart and good grammar, however it is very forgetable, you need to inject some more, for lack of a better term, bite into your work, write about the morbid and strong pain when loss has occured, how the soul shatters and the bodyn crumbles inside, good work

Answer 6

You are the one that determines what to add, or take away. It is very short. Turn around, old I knew. Thank for a minute that you never answered my calls. It is on my mind, with you, but the separation is unclear. It, mind, you. Walk, away, and never, do they ever turn? Not. I expect more.

Answer 7

What do you think
The poem describes a relationship
or friendship which has gone sour
for example the line what did I do to desserve this
asks why are you hurting me like this?
then another line that says crying because you are gone
it describes about missing someone.

Answer 8

First, I thank you need to learn to spell think, or fix your defective keyboard, and second, it's not a bad letter, but as a poem, it's kinda sorts bites. Give it some rhythm, make the words flow. Yeah, I know it's hard, but if you intend to write poetry then you must. Bad grammar and no punctuation does not make a poem.

Answer 9

Do you mean "think" and then later, 'thinking"?, 'coz that certainly would make more sense.

I think this is not poetry, but prose, due to its lack of meter and rhyme structure...but I think it's pretty good..

I thank......you! Keep writing

Answer 10

I gues this just needs to be worded ``a``LITTLE better !! maybe just to re`do it & it might make better sense !?! SOo uh'mMm Just try again !! Or like I said..~!! `'R"r,r`r.r',-