really short...just wrote it...bla bla yea ya know what to do...=]
i miss but i dont miss
i love but i dont love
i want but i dont
i need but i pleed
i hurt but wont part
this i hate but its fate.
2007-09-19 06:08:13 · 10 answers · asked by Tiff 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
it is really a great poem,and short and true
2007-09-19 06:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by bp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Add a title...maybe "conflicted", then stop using the lower case "i"...this is a personal pronoun and it should be the upper case "I". Psychologists indicate that use of the lower case "i" indicates low self-esteem, low self-worth, insecurity low self-confidence and self-loathing. None of those words are fit for a poet and you "are" significant enough to use the captial "I". Using the lower case "i" isn't cute it's wrong and takes away from your poem.
As far as the poem goes, you have a good start. You need to decide whether or not you're going to repeat the key word or not...you say "I miss but I don't miss", but you say "I want but I don't"...so you've dropped the word "want", and in so doing, lost the rhyme for that line (internal rhyme). Also, hurt and part don't work for the same reason.
Lastly, in the last line it's "it's" as in "it is", not "its" as in something belonging to it.
Your poem has promise...keep working on it.
2007-09-23 00:10:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
This poem is short and sweet
it describes things that are
debatable
for example I love you but I don't
what I mean there is some confliction
I have a couple of lines
I care but then I don't
I'll see again but I won't
2007-09-19 08:30:32 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you should rhyme the fourth line if oyu aren't going to rhyme anyhting else. it sets it off.
i love butni don't love.
is this the title?
hmmm.
wow.
i like the poem though.
really.
it's nice.
you need more to establish more of a tone though.
i need more!
2007-09-19 06:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you aren't happy. If you hate it only you can change it.
2007-09-19 06:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by shellshell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
short sweet and gets to the point NICE!
2007-09-19 06:15:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it also; maybe next time make it longer.
2007-09-19 08:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it
2007-09-19 06:15:54 · answer #8 · answered by ryan9190 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...next...
2007-09-19 06:13:08 · answer #9 · answered by cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
....anyway...
2007-09-19 06:11:08 · answer #10 · answered by dontouchmedontrustme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋