Every weekend it is something different. He will sometimes pick him up on Friday after school and sometimes he doesn't want to pick him up until Saturday morning. The problem is I have EMT class 1 Saturday a month and he refuses to cooperate as far as picking up my son at a consistent time on a consistent basis. He is doing it to cause me problems. I have asked him repeatedly to just pick him up on Friday and that is even in our custody agreement. I just went to court and spent all day yesterday hashing it out because he hasn't paid child support and is almost $10,000 in arrears. I am at my wits end with what to do! It always seems like he has the upper hand. Help! I need advice...
2007-09-19 04:56:05 · 17 answers · asked by bonstermonster20 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also, I guess I should mention that my ex moved 2 1/2 hours away to NYC just recently, and I don't know where he works, and I haven't seen where he lives.
2007-09-19 05:35:13 · update #1
I don't have a lawyer, and due to lack of child support cannot afford one. I have been representing myself each time.
2007-09-19 05:35:58 · update #2
Yesterday marks my 6th time in court and I have 2 dates coming up in the future.
2007-09-19 05:37:00 · update #3
What you need is a mutual place and time of pick up. I had the same problem with my ex. So I went to court and had it fixed that if he didnt come at the appropriate time and place he lost his visit for that weekend. You need to make sure that everyone understands that if he is not where he is supposed to pick up you child at lets say 6pm on friday at your lets say moms house then you will give him until lets say till 7pm to get your son and if he doesnt pick him up by 7pm he loses his visitation for the weekend. Hire a babysitter and have that be part of the new agreement that if your son goes to the babysitter he has to pay half and if he misses more than your states allowed visits then you will consider that he has abandoned your son and he forefits his rights to have joint custody. In my state if you do not have voice contact (if you live far away like in another county) 2 times a month its considered abandonment . If he lives in the same county and can drive no less than 1 and a half to get the child and misses half of his monthly visits then the court will change that visit to accomodate the new schedule if he continues to drop his visits then you can have his rights terminated and he still has to pay child support. remember this though you need to have proof and a "papertrail" And when he calls record the conversation and let him know on tape he is being recorded and when you speak to him tell him only of the goings on of your son and nothing more anything personal at this time would only get twisted to make you look bad. As far as the child support goes in my state if you have children then you can sign up for money help and they go after the missing parent and they find them and garnish their pay and the next time you go to court tell the judge you would like to be appointed a lawyer so you can be sure that no rights are being wronged
2007-09-19 05:36:59 · answer #1 · answered by lilbiddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you realize this man can be put in jail for not paying child support? I have a friend in the same situation. When the judge found out this man had a Harley Davidson bike he was very angry and ORDERED the man to sell the Harley by a certain date. THere was no arguing about it. If he didn't sell it by that date then he was to be thrown in jail and his drivers license taken away. Threaten for full custody. Tell your lawyer that you want to go for full because he is being very irresponsible where your son is concerned. Don't worry about lawyer fees, your son's father will have to pay them. You can amend the agreement at any time. Go for it. Don't do this man any fricking favors. He screws you and your son over with visitation and money. Don't be nice in this situation. It doesn't get you anywhere. Maybe if he knew you meant business he would straighten up a bit. Ya, right. Good luck.
2007-09-19 05:05:24 · answer #2 · answered by Paula D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same issue as you are. I have two son's with a man. Its so frustrating because you cannot count on him being there. The courts cannot MAKE him see his chilld, that sucks! I have recently started finding an alternate source of childcare when needed. I don't ever plan on Dad being there when he is supposed to be. If he is doing it to get at you, you just have to make it a non-issue. If you don't let it bother you, then he gets no satisfaction out of what he is doing. As far as the child support issue goes, I'm not sure what state you live in. In MN, where I live, they will take a mans drivers license, and if need be, incarcerate them. Something to look into. It sounds like he also makes you feel as though you should not feel the way that you do. Irrational, emotional or "crazy"? One day, your son will wake up and see what this man has done to his Mother. By then, it will be to late to little to have any type of relationship with his son. Don't worry, he will get what is deserved. Im sorry that you have to live this way, its not a good feeling. Please take care of yourself mentally and remember this: If there is a wall in your way, there are many ways around it. Go up, over or around it. Stay strong for you and your son.
2007-09-19 05:23:01 · answer #3 · answered by peoplearestrange 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
contact your attorney. Most likely what you will be told is that he has to go along with the agreement, but no one can force him to go along with it. I would keep a log of when your son is suppose to go with his father, and when he is actually picked up. So next time when you go to court, you have that as evidence. also, I know it can be a pain in the butt, but try and have a 3rd party around when he picks your son up (witness when you go back to court). What you will probably have to do is hire someone to keep your son on those Saturdays that you have EMT class. I would make sure you call on Friday to find out what time he intends to pick up your son, and if he is not there when he needs to be, then take your son to the sitters. Make sure you keep a log of all of this, so you can show the court that you are bending over backwards to help your son have a relationship with your ex, even though it should be your ex's responsibility. eventually your son will notice who is the one who is busting their butt, and I doubt it will be the father.
2007-09-19 05:15:38 · answer #4 · answered by Sun R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Separate meetings could also be the reply, however legally your ex, even simply being vindictive, can ban the institution from discussing your sons education along with her. She has joint custody and is a organic dad or mum. She can declare that your fiancee being there may be interfering along with her parental position. When you get married that alterations the equation. Joint method you ought to proportion. Is it quite valued at the battle that is gunna occur in entrance of your son over this? Or are you able to each paintings anything out and exhibit him that dad and mom can agree on anything an then attempt to paintings your fiancee into it?
2016-09-05 19:45:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would either go back to court, like you said you did and have another hearing or something that he is not keeping his part of the agreement OR don't worry about it. It is his loss. I would be afraid that if he really didn't want to spend time with your son anyways that he may not take care of him the way he should. I would just try and find someone to babysit for you while you have things to do instead of making your dead-beat ex husband do something he doesn't want to do. Good luck.
2007-09-19 05:37:47 · answer #6 · answered by Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry he's being a pain. If I were you, I'd take control of this situation. If he doesn't pick him up on Friday, just don't be available on Saturday. That might mean you have to get a sitter while you are in class but in the end, he misses out on his visitation with his son. If he doesn't show up when he is supposed to, don't be there when he does show up. You have a life and don't have to modify yours to conform to his randomness. If he really wants to be with his son, he'll make that his priority. But since he isn't contributing to supporting his son financially, he'll probably stop seeing him anyway. Hate to say it but that's my experience. My X owes over $70,000 in cs (hasn't contributed a dime in the past two years) and hasn't seen his son since Christmas. Really sad.
2007-09-19 05:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by real_kiss_fan 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't wait around for him. what about trying to find a consistent sitter to watch your son while you attend school. it is the father who is missing out on spending time with him. and if you are worried about the emotional bond your son would get from a male, sign him up to get a big brother. maybe if his father sees this he will start stepping up to the plate. tell him that his weekend starts on Fridays and if he is not willing to commit to taking him then, then the whole weekend is off. especially if that is what is agreed upon in your custody papers, then I think you have the right to refuse him to go there unless he is picked up on the according day. if not, you can't change him, but I wouldn't wait around to see if he will take him.
2007-09-19 05:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by whatever 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start dropping him off at your husband's work. He'll get the picture soon.
However, don't use your son as leverage by saying, If you're not here on my time you don't get to see him at all, as a couple of answerers have suggested. That's the worst thing you can do, not fair for your son, and not right.
2007-09-19 04:58:36 · answer #9 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have that same problem with my ex, & I have come to realize that we cannot force them to see our children. No it's not fair by no means. My ex ALWAYS make excuses I have heard everything in the book. I live in Texas and we went to court they said, if he is not holding up to his part of the deal with getting them I could call a # to report him for contempt of court. I opt no to because I figure he is only hurting himself and in time he will see. Whats funny with my ex he is such a retard that I reverse the roles, if I need for them to go with him I'll pretend that I'm upset at him and tell him to stay away, he cant see them,my kids don't need him etc.....his dumd behind is there within minutes to pick them up because I can't tell him that he cannot see his kids. Of course they do or should I say don't do things to cause us problems but please don't let him know that it is affecting you. Keep your head up and stay strong.
2007-09-19 05:20:47 · answer #10 · answered by con par 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋