In march of 2007, I left maryland, my husband and my two sons. My ex and I have had a very rough road and rather then uproot my kids. I allowed them to live with their father until I got a place of my own and settled in New Hampshire. It's taken 6mths to get settled. I finally have a place of my own, a good job and I have starting seeing a man I am so happy to be with. In early Aug. I brought the kids to visit for one week. I didn't have a place of my own at that point, so we spent most of the week with the guy I've been seeing and his two sons, who are just about the same age as my two boys. We had a great time together. But whenever Phil(boyfriend) was around me, Cody(my son age 6) would flip out.. I tried to explain to Cody that Phil and I were good friends and that Cody was the most important part of my life. Cody says if Phil's apart of my life I don't love him. Cody's dad has a new live in girlfriend and Cody's great with her. Why is my son treating me like a jealous boyfriend?
2007-09-19 02:46:38 · 18 answers · asked by Angie in New Hampshire 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to re-establish your relationship with your kids before you start to reel anyone else into it.
2007-09-19 02:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son feels as if this guy is going to take you away from him... from cody's point of view, the boyfriend is a threat and deep down, he probably wants you and his daddy back together.
kids feel abandoned and as if they have done something WRONG when their parents divorce. many times, they feel as if it's their fault.
there are a couple things you could work on -- your boyfriend could casually let Cody know "your mom told me she loves you more than ANYTHING!" He could tell Cody that he wants to be a special friend of his, also. Cody may not accept it for a while, but i think that given time and patience, he might come around.
if your boyfriend hugs you or kisses you in front of Cody, turn around and give Cody a big hug, and a kiss on the cheek too.... you really need to focus on Cody just as much as the boyfriend when they are around each other.
Cody is simply acting like a six year old, who feels abandoned.. because that is what he is!
There are a lot of resources on line about children of divorce, coping with a child who is jealous of your boyfriend, and other subjects. You can do a yahoo search and find a lot of good information and advice.
take care !
2007-09-19 03:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was TOO soon to intyroduce the boyfriend in to the your son's life.
What you seem not to realize is that whatever happen to you, has happen to him too. He has also suffered the devastation of divorce, relocating and being wothout his mother. This is hard to handle when you are a child. You cannot pretend that eh has to be all smiles and roses: he is hurt and confused!!!!
All children of divorce have the secret desire of their parents getting back together and that's why some kids react with jealosy and rebellion against the new SO.
My advice is for you to spend time with your son ALONE without the boyfriend. This is just too much for yoru son right now. Not only he has to cope with not seing you for 6 months, living with the new gf and now seing you paying attention to Phil and his kids. Excuse me darling, but this is time for you to BOND with your son and not shove Phil down his throat.
Your son has all the right to feel the way he feels. May I suggest counseling for you and him both. Do not push the Phil situation any further, if you push, he will be more against him. I'm sure he is a godo guy but your little one is hurt and he should be your priority, he needs your undivided attention. Take it slow and don;t push it sister, it's too soon, too much and too fast for your son.
FYI: he is not resenting Phil, he is resenting YOU for leaving them behind and now focusing your heart into Phil and the two stranger kids. Youa re playing family with them, dad is playing house with the other one and the kids are in the middle belonging no-where. You have to set priorities now, and your kids NEED your UNDIVIDED attention now. Phil and his children need to back off for a while if you want the relationship with yoru kids to work.
Good luck
2007-09-19 03:14:23 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get reacquainted with your boys. Don't just throw them into a relationship with you. Now that you have a place of your own bring the boys back and try again, this time let them be a part of, and ask questions about what is going on in your life. then talk about your gentleman friend and get their input and maybe Cody will understand that just like their father, you need someone in your life.
2007-09-19 03:04:04 · answer #4 · answered by LovelyChoc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your sons stayed with your ex-husband when you divorce and than you had the boys over for the weekend and didn't have a place of your own and took them over to your boyfriend house this was very wrong of you know matter how much you missed them. Because you are his mommie and this man has come between you and him that's why and you should have waited until you introduced them he is going though hard time it is easier to see they dad with someone else but not there mommie.
best of luck
2007-09-19 03:02:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cody is only six give him time he is trying to take in all these new changes which if you think of it it is hard for even you to digest and here is a six yr old trying to come to terms with it. Just keep doing what you are and let him know his is important, not just with words but actions too. My ex left me and my son who lives with me acted like this too and I didn't bring in a new boyfriend to meet until 2 yrs later, don't get me wrong I dated I was just able to keep it from my son until I found the right one to introduce to him. Which I married that man. My son and him get along great now. Just be patient.
2007-09-19 03:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by lucidwillow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he misses you and don't understand why you don't have time for him and you do Phil.
You left him and until he feels that you love him he will aways be angry.
Only spending 1 week with your kids in 6 months does not help any.
I suggest getting custody & if you can't then get them then at least 3 months in the summer.
Until that can happen maybe you should try and call him everynight before bedtime and tell him goodnight and that you love him.
He might think that you have forgotten him, the point is stay in touch with him don't let him feel unloved.
2007-09-19 03:34:25 · answer #7 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know why but generally boys have a tendency to their mothers and vice versa for girls. Maybe he acts with the feeling of protection and fear of losing the best guy place in your heart. Since 6 y.o is the most difficult part of childhood (they may be stubborn and they may have a huge ego and selfishness) perhaps you should see a child psychiatrist and take some advice on how you can re-establish your relationship with him.
PS: Probably he is not afraid of losing his place in his father's house and have secured feelings for him since he sees him everyday. But he cannot see you all the time perhaps because of this he thinks that he cannot trust you.
Good luck
2007-09-19 03:05:56 · answer #8 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can think of a lot of reasons. In his mind you abandoned him. You are an adult and can reason out and justify what you did and why. He is 6, his mommy left. Next, it has only been 6 months. Who cares what your ex is doing, you have a new man in your life and this is shoved into your child's face at the same time you see him after 6 months. You didn't give your son any time to adjust at all.
2007-09-19 02:56:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can you not understand how all the changes in your son's life is affecting him. Children, especially boys are more easier to deal with their dad being in a new relationship, but their mom is supposed to be their foundation for nurturing, for love and hugs. To a boy his mom is virtuous, not to share with another man. It is disturbing to him to see all of the tumbling down. As I can understand how you want and enjoy having another man in your life, I feel you introduced this relationship to your children way too soon. You must concentrate on creating a loving home for your children, and see this other man on dates away from your children's view, at least until they get used to the idea of mom and dad not being together anymore. Best of luck to you!
2007-09-19 03:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this but think about it. You left daddy and got a new one. You left him and his brother and now have two more sons about the same age. You replaced your entire family in the eyes of your son. It's hard thing to do, but make sure when they visit, you don't pretend that this family you have just made has been there forever, treat your sons to night out with just the three of you. Enjoy them, don't pawn them off on his sons.
2007-09-19 02:56:44 · answer #11 · answered by rothe_jabbuk 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋