It's nice to finally see some positive answers/questions/replies in the Marriage/Divorce category. Lately it seems there aren't any solid relationships anymore. Congratulations to the ones who've survived - and to the ones who didn't make it - I'm sorry - but you scare the crud outta me about ever getting married! I finally found a great guy - by far the greatest guy I've ever met. We talk about the future like marriage is inevitable, but lately it seems like all I see and hear is negativity about marriage. Is there anyone happy out there? If you're willing - can I have your brief, personal love story? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.... and want to believe they still exist.
2007-09-19 02:08:20 · 28 answers · asked by bedee9731 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I am working on mine... will be 6 years in Dec. We've had our ups and downs... but we're still here day in and day out. Marriage is difficult, but the things we work the hardest for have the greatest rewards.... If you want a true love story, you need to go read a book, BUT... if you want a positive, here is a few...
My parents, married 27 years and still act like its their honeymoon. Yes, they have their different opinions, yes they even have fights here and there... But at the end of the day, my Dad takes my Mom and dances in the kitchen with her. My Mom makes my Dad anything his heart could want and he still brings her flowers and such for no reason. (Thats a true love story to me, to see that they are human, and yet so far in love that the differences are not a big deal)
My Grandparents... My Grandfather passed away a few years ago, but my Grandma still celebrates their anniversarry as if he was still here. I still see the love for him in her eyes.
My husband's Grandparents... They just celebrated 50 years together. They went with the whole family on a cruise this summer. From what I am told it was really nice. They take care of one another and are very sweet to each other... 50 years and still going.
I hope to be that way with my husband. So let me tell you, YES its hard, but living with anyone is hard. Even if you tried to live with your best friend who is like your sister... Give it a few weeks and you're going to be driving eachother nuts. As for marriage. The best advice I can give is to lean on your husband, where as another man will become that "I wouldn't do that" man. Never take it personal. Everyone has a rough day and we all get irritated. Bite your tongue, or tell them you'll talk to them in about an hour when they have had the time to unwind. Have open communication, always. Keep it fresh and always date, no matter if your 20 or 80. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you can see 50 years with the man who becomes that man of your dreams!
2007-09-19 02:32:25 · answer #1 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already have a lot of good answers posted here, so I'll just add a couple of things.
Our society today is constantly bombarded with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) messages that bring extra challenges to married couples. Wild, abandoned sex is everywhere for the taking if you believe everything you see on TV.
A successful, happy marriage requires a constant effort by both parties. It's often been said that marriage is a 50-50 proposition, but that's not true. Marriage is a 100-100 proposition. Each partner needs to put 100% effort in.
the other two key elements are good honest communication and mutual respect.
2007-09-19 02:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by nevit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there are many unhappy married couples because a lot of people don't realize how much work goes into maintaining a marriage. They assume that once you're married things will just come together. But there's actually a great deal of communication and compromise that's involved that couples look over. Also I believer pre-marriage a lot of couples rush into taking those vows. Don't underestimate the importance of courting. Something society has lost site of. Take time to get to know a person and understand that they are who they are, assuming you can change, mold, or influence someone is falling for their potential and will leave you (and most couples) unhappy.
Also, I think there are more happy couples then we give credit to, its just that those in distress are a lot more vocal. I, too, am interested in reading submissions from the happy couples!
2007-09-19 02:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by foolproofdiva 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the truth of the matter is, that whether your marriage survives or not, there are going to be many bumps down the road of life, and of marriage. this is a fact that you will need to accept within yourself. I mean if your looking for a fantasy type marriage, then you will fall, when the big struggles come your way, and be assured that they will eventually come your way too. You are a part of this society, are you not, and so you too, will have some struggles along the way. Marriages, and relationships are a huge struggle in today's world, and there are many ligitimate reasons for this.
I'm sorry that i cannot tell you what you really wanted to hear !
There will be many good times as well, just that it's not the way i had envisioned so many years ago, and i'm sure that you are envisioning for yourself today.
2007-09-19 02:27:32 · answer #4 · answered by sharky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for those that have never found that person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Being married is an adjustment both have to make. Many marriage fail because one or both refuse to adjust to each others habbits or circumstances. If you are totaly commited to him and assured that he will be totally commited to you then it is a good thing. I am happy, and married. I still look at her the same way I did when we first met and wonder how I was so lucky to get such a beautiful woman to fall in love with me. We both knew it was right and we got engaged 10 days after we met on a blind date. You have to feel it in your heart that it is right. Here is some advice that I received and we both live by it.
1.12 hugs a day
2. Be your mates best friend, they are your confidant. Take up hobbies that you could do together like dancing bowling or camping. Make it something you both enjoy and not something because the other likes it.Talk to each other and express what you like and don't like and be open minded to the others habits.
3. Live within your means. Many people live together only to break up after they marry because what used to be seperate is now joined a financial burden puts lots of stress on couples.There are more happily married people than you think.
4. What is in the past stays there. Don't bring up what can't be changed. You are going into a future not trying to fix the past.
2007-09-19 02:18:09 · answer #5 · answered by tman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for two years to the man I met on the Internet two years and three months ago. We have had our ups and down but each usual marriage fight brings us even more closer together. The reconciliation can only be experienced. (with your man of course)The key to a happy marriage is love,tolerance and understanding. Did I mention both parties should have a forgiving heart? One more thing do not let third parties into your marriage the are the root course of every marriage that will not work out, has not worked out or or could not work out. Good luck:-)
2007-09-19 02:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very happily married. I was with my husband for six years before he proposed and I thought it was never going to come. It was worth the wait, let me tell! We spent our first year of marriage apart (he was working on a project in another city) and it was incredibly tough, but we made it and are happier then ever.
I think there are several reasons there are a lot of negative stories on here. Some of them probably aren't really true and it's people thinking they are funny or being mean. Others are true and people just want to vent. It's a lot easier to vent to strangers when something is wrong. It's anonymous and people don't have to be as careful concerning what they say about their significant other. People don't gush to strangers when they are happy, they gush to friends and family. But venting to strangers is very liberating.
Know that happy marriages are out there and there are more than you think! They don't happen by magic, but they are well worth the time and effort! Keep the faith!
2007-09-19 02:21:58 · answer #7 · answered by tnk3181979 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get to know him really well before you concider marriage, also make sure you are financially ready for this! I am recently remarried to a guy i waited 16 years for...we both have kids and we also just bought our first home together. We both work and let me tell you marriage is a good thing with the right person.If you both stand by each others side no matter what the problem is you will survive.You must respect each other and learn to do things for each other even if its something you normally would not do. I love my hubby to death and he is a terrific dad to my kids. I cant wait for him to come home after work just knowing he is there makes me feel safe. I hope your guy is a great guy too and you both end up happy together!
2007-09-19 02:36:32 · answer #8 · answered by robin r 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, a lot of people are very happily married, but they're living their lives, they aren't on Y!A Marriage and Divorce section complaining about how horrible their spouse is...if you watch Jerry Springer long enough, you think everyone is cheating trailer trash...but most people just aren't like that. My finace's parents have been married over 40 years, and his mother still lights right up whenever her husband walks in the room...they really love each other. I would never advise anyone to marry someone just for the sake of getting married. You don't marry someone for any reason other than the person is your favorite person in the world and you just don't want to share your life with anyone else....I think people end up divorced when they marry because they're at that age, they feel pressured by family and friends, they want to escape their parents home, they're looking for financial security or the person is "good enough"...good enough just never really is.
2007-09-19 02:35:25 · answer #9 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised to see no one has answered you yet. There are happy endings, You just have to find your happy ending. It's hard to be scared because we hope that this is a life long decision. And for alot it isnt.
My husband and I had met each other many of times before we actually met. My mom and his dad live across the road from each other. I had just gotten out of a three year relationship. We went on one date and I was hooked. And we still are.
I think the most important thing is to be honest and true to each other. You are going to have some tough times, but stay loving and understanding and you will get through to them. Good luck
2007-09-19 02:17:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋