People with self-hatred issues?

Question

I am so sick of people disrespecting their own race because of bad experiences. Example, I have had black men tell me that they date white women because they have no drama and they will do "anything"???? Ok first of all, most have people regardless of race have experienced some drama in their life whether it be major or minor. I have dated outside of my race but would never disrespect my own. Most people have been in bad relationships(I say most because the divorce rate is at 50%). I have had bad experiences(relationships) with black men, Latino men and white men and guess what? It was all the same BS that women hate! Lying and cheating! So again, what does race have to do with it? Nothing! A message to white, Latina, Asian and every non-black/African American females: don't ever date anyone who is pretty much with you because of you skin color or hair texture...you get me? Date a man that will respect and love YOU for YOU.

I think some of you missed my point but I will explain further...All Im saying is you can't judge a whole race of people from a bad experience. Even though Ive been hurt by a black man, I will never say "I hate black men". I love my brothas and there are good black men out there. To say that I hate black men would be like telling my father or my brother that I hate them and I don't. That all Im saying. Im not hung up on any bad relationships. I got over them and Im happy woman. I just posted this because self-hatred is a big issue. Interracial dating is fine. I've dated outside my race many many times but I didn't choose them for their skin. I chose them for their character great personality and what we have in common.

Answer 1

Let me say firstly, that I don't have self-hatred issues. I'm black, know it, don't care and never had a problem being black. Never got denied opportunities because i'm black.

Now, you MUST face the facts that there is a sigificant problem with accountability among black men in black communities. Of course, this doesn't apply for EVERY black man, but there are definite problems specific to the black community that cannot be denied. They include:

Men abadoning their children

Men fathering multiple children with different mothers and not supporting any

Nearly 70% of all black children are born out of wedlock.

The prevalence of STDs

In the inner city especially, a large number of black men are caught up in the prison mentality where being thugs is respected. Being educated is seen as being "white."

I feel like people try to act like there aren't problems within the black community when we see it every single day. I grew up in Detroit and saw it every single day. Sure, you had the black boys and young men who were trying to do something good, but in my high school, the majority of the black boys there wanted to be "thugs."

Even when I went to college, I ended up having to help practically every single black male on the football team because they got full scholarships for sports but couldn't put together a coherent sentence. And i'm supposed to want that? This is COLLEGE, mind you? That's a big problem.

I personally have been cheated on by every black man I have been with. Wasn't because I was a bad person. I was a loyal, smart, pretty charismatic woman and it didn't matter. It's a subconscious thing with a lot of black men. They glorify the demoralizing ideologies portrayed in rap music and black women get the brunt of it.

I have never been cheated on with white men. They have never disrespected me, called me out of my name or put a hand on me. They have been loyal, supporting, loving and generous.

Can't speak for you and your situation. But don't judge me because of my experiences.

Until more black men stop think the thug life is cool; until they stop looking at black women as female dogs and garden tools, until they stop hanging on the corners, selling weed and crack, until they stop dressing like slobs, etc., you will still have women like me.

Doesn't mean that I hate being black at all. I just hate how a lot of black men treat themselves and their women.

http://racerelations.about.com/od/parentingrace/a/outofwedlock.htm
http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/980319/johnson.shtml
http://washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/.../AR2006032500029_pf.html

Answer 2

Oh, sister I'm way ahead of you on that one.

I hope all the non-black women take note of this too because when a black man makes those kind of excuses he's only using his non-black woman as a crutch. In actuality he hasn't truly moved on. It's not our problem, it's their personal problem.

Also, ladies please...I know it seems like there's a shortage of men but no matter what please do not settle for trash.

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.02: All women flip out on their men, our color is irrelevant. It's not fair to pin this type of behavior only on Black women and by doing so you are no better than White racists.

Answer 3

Because of history, black men have always had self-hatred issues, using these women as trophies, and I quote that "I am pessimistic" it will never change, so dear go on with your life and be happy. I know from experience it can be upsetting because in my family the men folk date nothing but Asian and white women too, and make nothing but hostile remarks about black women. It's just another challenge in us black women's lives that will make us even stronger then even.

Answer 4

Im black (Nigerian) and I date mostly white men. This doesnt and SHOULDNT count as selfhatred issues, because Im attracted to white men. I dont go about condemning black men because of my preference. That self hatred issue is common within the black American culture (usually with the men) though and its sad.

That Lina H person is such a loser, if she thinks its black women who do that often. She probably refers to women like me who date only white men.

Answer 5

EXACTLY!!! And when black men say crazy, ignorant, rude, disrespectful things like that, thats why black women dont like it! And if I was a white woman, I would be offended as HELL! I have heard more than one black man say that crazyness, even on national TV! We as women need to get it together, stop arguing amongst ourselves, and put the blame where it really deserves to be! I have dated, and married inter-racially and have 2 beautiful kids. My white husband never did any of the things that I heard my black female counter parts say that their husbands or boyfriends have done to them. BUT...I would never say that I wouldnt be with someone that looked like my dad or uncle or any other black man that meant something to me, but a black man will say that quicker than you can blink an eye. I feel sorry for them because they dont realize that if they got it together, that they would have a whole lot of women going to bat and fighting for them, but instead what do they do, talk down to us and tell us that we are no good and that someone else is better.....

Answer 6

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Answer 7

All I have to say to the questioner is preach sista preach!

To Lisa H: Your wrong we have more black men on here saying that they hate black women, that they think another race of women is better than black women for whatever reason. What you do see is black women (like myself) on here who date interracially and are ostracized, or harassed by the black community, or society as a whole for doing such. What you do see is black women on here asking black men why it is they refuse to be responsible for themselves and their actions. If that comes off as bashing to you, then so be it, that just happens to be your perception.

$0.02 If you are picking women (regardless of race) who "come up to your job acting a damn fool in front of your co-workers" that says something about you and the fact that you need to be a little more discerning in your selection of women. I mean if I ever behaved like that I wouldn't have to wait for my boyfriend to dump me, my mother would kill me!

Answer 8

I agree with you.

There have been great efforts to divide Blacks since slavery.

Many have been brainwashed by the media, and have accepted the European standard of beauty while rejecting their own.

It is a setup, but don't fall into the trap that is meant to divide us.

Answer 9

Woah. Awesomest post I've seen in ages!

Answer 10

Why do you suppose Black men keep saying that white women have less drama. I have never seriously dated a white girl, but the handful that I have casually dated do seem to be less ... lets just say "confrontational."

The white girl just seems less likely to come up to your job acting a damn fool in front of your co-workers (not saying it wont happen, just less likely). Im only speaking from personal observation. Iit isn't just white girls. Any race of girl will be less likely to kirk out on you than a black woman.

Now, with that said, if you are treating your woman right you dont have to worry about that. So when a guy says he prefers white women because its "less drama" he is really confessing much more to you than he intends to.

edit: also, even though sisters flip out on a brother from time to time, its OK. The passion that she is kirkin out on you with is the same passion she is loving you with when you are doing whats good.