What do you think happens to a married family man once he reaches his 40s? Is it just a case of re-evaluating his life and wanting to live it to the full and not caring about the devastation he leaves behind? My husband refers to our marriage and family as having done his duty and now wants something for himself. I need to hear that not all men think like this otherwise I will have lost faith in humanity. Am I a statistic of a changing world? I have had to exercise so much patience that I am at bursting point. Last night we were watching a soap in which a man said to his wife "you know I love you and would do anything for you". I turned to my husband and asked whether he thought there were men who still said that to their wives. He replied "look at him, how ugly he is, he is just compensating for his lack of looks by saying these things to a woman in order to keep her". Does he think that he is good looking then, because he never says he loves me.
2007-09-19 01:29:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You poor thing!
Your husband has a very shallow view point.
Is he actually insinuating that only ugly men reveal their feelings of love and affection??
I do not think your husband is having a 'mid-life crisis'. He is just a mid-life jerk.
Never hearing your husband tell you he loves you, must be a devastating thing. I can only imagine what an un-fulfilling existance you must be sharing with him.
And , yes he must think he is good looking then.
2007-09-19 01:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by Rev. Deb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mid-life sucks for the husband, but especially for the wife. Yes, it's a re-evaluation of what you've done in your life. Yes, it's a realization that you've accomplished everything you were "supposed" to, and yet, there's still the nagging feeling that there's more out there that you haven't experienced - and you want to. It's a constant pull on the husband, but it's much, much worse for the wife. Lady - it's not your fault!!! It's not you. You aren't doing anything wrong. Oh, he'll pick apart little things you do and complain about the fact you gained a little weight, always nag, etc. etc. But the truth is, he's not happy within himself. The only thing I've seen that stops men from acting on these weird feelings is a strong sense of moral obligation. Counseling can certainly help too, but he's got to agree that something needs fixed.
2007-09-19 08:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time when a man can begin to feel as if all they are to their wife and kids is a provider, bread winner, and after a while begin to feel resentful, taken for granted, not loved and cherished for who he is. In a marriage a wife can get caught up with dealing with the children, decorating the home, cooking, everything and having less and less time for her husband. Now, I am sure most women do not do this on purpose and I am also sure that some men are just not verbal about their feelings. This is when the lines of communication is lost, the friendship between husband and wife begins to lose its basis for sharing and caring about each others feelings and needs. Think about how it was in the beginning, before the both of you were married, think about how your heart lighted up at the sound of his voice, how your eyes sparkled just to see him walk through the room, how you tingled just by his touch, how you talked and listened to each other. Time to renew and get what you both have lost. It is not too late, and know that most couples go through this at one point in life or another, the key is to not let it go. I do wish you both the best of luck!
2007-09-19 09:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't panic, he is evaluating where he is in his life. He is entering a new chapter, very normal. He has worked hard and provided and now would like to spend some time doing things that he only dreamed about before (also normal). Talk to him and invite him to share where his thinking is and what sort of things would he like to do. Something might include you and some might not. This is not a slight but rather exploring his own self. Good Luck
2007-09-19 08:39:58 · answer #4 · answered by Pure Star 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think as we age, we have our stuff. you begin questioning things and looking for something more in life. you realize that the stuff doesnt make you happy, so you start searching for something that does. unfortunately that search takes many forms.
i fell into the trap, and i partly blame the world. our society kind of pushes being selfish on people. you'll hear all the time about taking care of your needs, finding happiness inside your self, staying in an unhappy marriage isnt good. our world doesnt value marriage now. just throw it away, the kids will be okay, and you can go find something that will make you happy. what happened to working with what you have? what happened to making your relationship work?
i went through a few years where i had my head in my behind, and i hurt my wife. i am ashamed of it, but i have learned from it, and i have grown from it. you can have happiness anywhere. it comes from inside, and it comes from combinations of outlooks, expressions and maturity. instead of running off in search of some magic thing to make you happy, all of us need to start looking inside. that is where you will find your true self, and your answers.
2007-09-19 08:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by ohiojeff 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know...sometimes the answer lies with us women. Some of us just take our spouses for granted. We stop taking care of ourself. Stop taking care of him. We sleep before he comes. We go out with him looking like a duck. We wear anything which is comfortable and dont really care if that is really making us look like a walking cupboard.
We get ourself more busy with kids, home, soaps and serials.
That is where the man starts feeling like he need a change. Where he starts feeling that he is not important at all. He wants to feel that importance and start looking it outside of his home.
I think a bit of change in your life style will bring him back to you. just try.
2007-09-19 08:41:50 · answer #6 · answered by janet j 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like mid life crisis. And if i watched soaps i would be depressed. How about watching something good.
2007-09-19 08:39:36 · answer #7 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you say, "honey, you're right, you should do something for yourself", then discuss a few things. Maybe he wants a new sports car, motorcycle, hobby etc.... maybe he should start hunting or fishing, or, maybe you should get a divorce,
either way, ask him what it is he would "like to do for himself"
2007-09-19 08:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by jerry kaye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋