I love this girl so much, but our physical relationship is non-existant. No passionate kissing or anything. The only physical thing we do is cuddling at bedtime.
Our sex lives started off great. She got pregnant and we decided to marry. We then had a misscarriage but still got married (I was already going to ask her before I knew about the pregnancy).
Leading up to the marriage and right after our sex lives died. She feels I left her high and dry because I got over losing the baby before she did. She thinks I let her down emotionally.
It's been 9 months and even though I am trying and being really sweet and letting her know I love her she still does not seem to be physically attracted to me. It's making me feel like **** and I am starting to get suspicious that she cheating. Anyone have any advise?
2007-09-19 01:00:11 · 17 answers · asked by jon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are 100% sure that she did not marry you because she was pregnant and was looking for a legal father for the child (I am sorry but this is a possibility too) you should see a marriage counselor.
Good luck
2007-09-19 01:09:37 · answer #1 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Losing a baby is hard, and this is likely the cause for her not wanting to have sex often at all. She could be afraid of getting pregnant and losing the baby again. She may not even realize that this is what she is feeling. It could lie in her subconcious. I would advise counseling for this. She also holds some resentment bc of you recovering from the loss quicker than she. However, that is unfair to you. She could have also slipped into a depression which can be treated with pharmaceuticals, and it really helps with it and helps with your sex life as well. Since the two of you are not having sex, then you will automatically assume that she is cheating. It is like it is programmed into the brain to think that when there is no sex life with your spouse. Do not let those feelings distract you from what is really going on. I honestly believe that her subconscious is relating the miscarriage to sex, and therefore, making her have no sex drive. Have her go to counseling for it before it ruins your marriage.
2007-09-19 01:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i say a Physical relationship is some what important in a relationship but its not everything.. An as for the answer of you would be well in your means to DIVORCE her cause its was part of the marriage agreement is BS it dont say anywhere you have to have sex with your partner..
I just had a baby 3 weeks ago an i dont want my husband touching me.. He is all over me an i can't stand the thought of having sex does that mean he has the right to divorce me?? "NO" This is something Most women go through .. Talk to her about what is bothering you an maybe she will open up to you about what is eating her up inside... But the main thing is always be there for her an let her know you love her...
2007-09-19 02:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by pruittsgurl_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex in the marriage is not something a wife gives you when she feels like it. It is part of her commitment to you and you are well within your rights to divorce her, if she refuses to fulfill this obligation. It is unfortunate that you lost a child, but these things happen. You can have more children, as I'm sure you understand. You may have gotten over it before she did and perhaps you didn't know how to console her, but that does not justify her denying you your conjugal rights for 9 months. This is much to long to carry a grudge against your husband.
Men always assume a woman is cheating, when she's not having sex; but understand that females can go without sex much longer than a man can. I'm not sure it's all about you letting her down. It may be that she's afraid of getting pregnant again, after such a terrible loss. If she is not using some sort of dependable birth control, are you willing to use a condom? Have you guys considered marriage counseling to work this out? In any case, you need to have a serious talk with your wife. In that conversation, you need to let her know that you expect to have a sexual relationship with her. If she says she can't forgive you, or cannot have sex with you for whatever reasons; you should seriously consider a divorce. A woman who will not be intimate with you is not being a proper wife. Furthermore, a woman who uses sex as a weapon is not worth having.
2007-09-19 01:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
well mistake number one was getting married because you knocked her up. even though it seems like the right thing to do it has back fired and now has you posting a message on yahoo for help. nine months is too long no matter what the situation is. there will be a number of things you will do or say or whatever that will let her down emotionally. does this mean everytime you will get cut off for half a year or more. my suggestion to you would be talk to her and explain that you love her and that you too were hurt with what happened but life goes on. tell her that you miss that part of your marraige. if she is not willing to understand your feelings then you need some counseling or a new beginning.
2007-09-19 02:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may be going through a rough time... yes 9 months later. Think about it. About now she would have had a baby. I don't know what its like, as we had 2 pregnancy's and have 2 wonderful kids. If she feels let down, you need to talk to her. I know that it is easier for you to move on, its not your body. She may be thinking things like, its her fault because it was her body, she may think she did something wrong. All I can say is talk, talk, talk! You need to let her know that you do feel the loss, but its nothing that the 2 of you did wrong. Maybe more talking and giving her some time and showing her that you want to just be with her, that may help.
2007-09-19 02:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similar thing with my partner, when i miscarried. I refused to have sex with him aswell, and even went as far as to move into the spare room. i felt that not only did my parner blame me for losing the baby, but that i had let him down by not being able to protect the baby from the miscarriage happening. It took a few months, and some really loud arguements, for us to sort thing out. so i suggest you:
1. both get a check up (cause it might be hormone related libido drop)
2. recognise that you both lost something precious (even if it wasn't so much the baby, but a part of your relationship)
and if your wife still hugs and kisses you, you can't be that repellent! so maybe you'll just have to woo her all over again.... you know, massages, bubble baths etc
2007-09-19 01:30:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you want to be physical with her but let me assure you that it is not required to continue living. Lots of people live without it but are not happy being without it.
A situation doesn't have to be true to be valid for females. It is true in her mind and that is good enough reason for her. My advice to you would be to communicate with her and tell her how much the miscarriage affected you too. Its going to take her a long time to get to the point she can return to her normal self. She is still grieving. She may never get completely over it. Having a successful birth will go a long way in helping her.
I hope things work out for both of you.
2007-09-19 01:17:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well personally I wouldnt put up with anybody holding out on me for 9 months. I meanoh god, thats almost a year. It's not your fault she had a miscarraige, or hers either. These things just happen. Tell her if theres no sex thers no chance of another baby... and if u think shes cheating, i would do some snooping. Maybe she needs to talk to a therapist about all this.
2007-09-19 01:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling may help. Tell your wife that the lack of intimacy is having a bad effect on you and you want to get back to where you were before. It sounds as if her losing the baby may be the reason. Perhaps she's afraid to get pregnant again therefore, no sex. Good luck.
2007-09-19 01:06:50 · answer #10 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋