I have been a house wife for 20 years with three sons. My husband has been an alcholic for pretty much all of our married life. We have 3 sons together.Over a year ago I met this guy online and 1 thing lead to another and I ended up in a 6 month on and off affair with this guy. My hubby found out and now we just got a divorce 2 weeks ago. I am having a very hard time with the guilt and I love my ex very much and he says he loves me too. He is dating and at the bars every night. I work 3rd shift and am raising our 12 year old. The other 2 boys are in college. I do not have a boyfriend nor am I looking. I want my ex back. Any advise?
2007-09-19 00:53:20 · 18 answers · asked by debbie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To all who said this woman shouldn't have had an affair - shame on you. She did what she needed to do. She should be applauded for living with an alcoholic for 20 years and bring up 3 boys.
If you want to get back together, it has to be be mutual. Divorce is traumatic. you need to step back and view the big picture. There is someone out there for you, whether it is your ex or someone else. Please take this time to contemplate all of your options. Contact girlfriends, family or clergy for support . You are not alone. This will take time. I hope it works out for the best.
BTW, I am a married MAN, and went through a similar situation - short of divorce. The affair happened. The cause was examined and it is not the fault of the person having the affai. he / she can be driven to it.
2007-09-19 03:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by verrico98 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one because you two are divorced now. To me, that means that the trust was gone and you two were beyond reconsiliation. Why did you two divorce instead of trying to work out the marriage? Why do you want him back now that you are divorced?
If you want your ex back, then I suggest you go to counseling either by yourself or with him. Like everyone has said, you need to find out why you chose to have an affair. You can make excuses on your own for the reason, but a professional can help you understand deeper issues. If you can't figure this out, then you fall back into the same patterns you had before and could cheat again.
Once you know the reasons, you can help rebuild a relationship; if your ex is willing. You will have to start off slowly though by just dating again. That will feel weird, but you have to rebuild the trust that was destroyed.
2007-09-19 01:39:37 · answer #2 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you get through the affair. The answer is really up to the two of you. Is it possible - yes, of course, with both of you committed to working on the relationship issues. Marriages don't disolve just because one person makes a mistake. It's both (I'm betting you wouldn't have cheated if your needs were being met at home). If you do still have genuine feelings for each other try counseling and address what happened in a positive way. I wish you all the best!
2007-09-20 15:33:36 · answer #3 · answered by Bob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An Ordinary Guy is absolutely right. You need to think long and hard about the reasons that drove you to that other man. Was your husband not attentive to you? Not showing you affection? Not meeting your needs sexually? What was it? Because whatever it was, I can almost guarantee it's still there. Until you get to the root of the problem and both you and your ex are committed to fixing it, there is no point in returning to the relationship.
2007-09-19 01:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by meagain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since there is still mutual love, ask for forgiveness from each other. Both of you have try to remain celibate to show good-faith effort. Not easy but this will create the foundation for mutual trust again. Meet up with your 3 sons with your hubby for dinners or weekends if possible and talk about common things and good ole days. Pray fervently for God's healing power. I will pray for you both. God bless.
2007-09-19 02:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to blame you for what happened. I think you should seriously think about all the reasons why you had that affair. Obviously you were unhappy with the relationship. If you go back to your ex, what's to say the entire situation won't repeat itself and you'll be unhappy again? My advise is not to go back unless you're sure something is going to change--not just you, either.
2007-09-19 01:02:02 · answer #6 · answered by AnOrdinaryGuy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No real advice except maybe try to talk to him. If he's an alcoholic, I urge you to reconsider reconciling for the sake of your 12 year old unless he is willing to get help. If he will, go to counselling together to try to work it out, or at the very least family counselling to help your child deal with the divorce.
2007-09-19 01:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by Allison P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you shouldn't have cheated, huh? Hindsight is always 20/20 and so many people think the grass is greener on the other side. Talk to you ex and tell him how much you regret what you did. If he doesn't take you back, learn from this experience and make sure it never happens again in future relationships.
2007-09-19 01:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should have known better than to do something like a affair on line, or any kind of an affair.
2007-09-19 02:28:53 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck with that one, the trust is broken now so you might just want to do something for yourself and not worry about what he's doing.
You need to ask yourself would you still want him back if you had someone else?
2007-09-19 01:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋