What do I do?

Question

Let me start by saying that I love my wife to death, for real, I think she's sexy as hell, and I'm always trying to get her to have sex. But she is abit overweight. I don't care one freakin bit, i like some meat on em', as long as she's healthy, ya know.
But she hates the way she looks, no matter how much I tell her. She said she doesn't like to have sex too often cuz she said she doesn't feel good about herself, I quote "cuz I'm a fatass". I exercise often for martial arts, and the second I mentioned any exercises she could do, she gets pissed off saying, i quote "I don't need advice from a toothpick" and dismissing everything i say, saying what I do couldn't work for her, she couldn't keep up, yadda, yadda, yadda. I even said to get an appointment with a doctor or someone who could give her a "diet plan" she'll listen to anyone....but me. why? after all this, she still does nothing about it, and we have the same conversation a month later..............What do I do?

Answer 1

First and foremost, never have this conversation again. If she brings it up, calls herself names, whatever, just flat-out tell her, "I'm not having this conversation ever again." Then, tune her out, leave the room, heck, leave the house, if that's what it takes. This isn't harsh. You'd be doing her a favor. It's nothing but counter-productive.

Second, if she doesn't want to have sex very often, (This is coming from a woman, so believe me, I know.) it has absolutely nothing to do with her weight. After all, once you've seen her naked once, what's the difference? It's not like you don't know what you're getting, right?

Of course, I don't know why, and she obviously won't tell you, but I do know that low self-esteem and a low sex drive are both symptoms of depression. There are lots of others. Look them up, see if that sounds like your wife. It sounds like communication isn't so great between you, (Disconnection is another symptom.) so it might help to get a close female friend or relative (Does she have a sister?) to broach the subject with her, if there's one you feel comfortable discussing it with. At the very least, bring it up, be as kind and emphatic as possible, and ask her to discuss it with her doctor. Say, "Humor me," if you have to. Mental health issues are difficult to broach, but if you don't, they just get worse.

Good luck, sweetie, I'm rootin' for ya! :)

Answer 2

I would suggest counseling for the both of you to work out issues together. You suggest it, tell her exactly how you feel and tell her that you don't want to lose her but she is pushing you away with this negative attitude and let her know how much you love and value her and think she is sexy.
Also there is the nutrisystem diet that she could try. I try it and lost over 50 lbs in three months on that plan, it really does work if you follow the plan, out of the three months, twice I went off the plan for one meal and I still lost the weight but I was walking at least two hours a day for like two months on that diet as well. Just a thought!

Answer 3

If she doesn't want to discuss this with you -as all couples should- it is because she's holding "something" against you.
When in a couple communication is cut off it is a big red flag that something is not right. Specially when she's listening to everyone else and not to you, when from the beginning this should of been discussed, planned and fixed by you and her, by her and you and no-one-else.
Now, her weight is the excuse because that's the way she can "put the bandaid" to the problem in hopes that it'll be sufficient. But, as you experience, it does not fix it but makes it worse.
You have two serious problems:
Communication is gone, and Sex is gone also.
Do not force yourself upon her or it will make things worse.
Take care of yourself, but I mean physically and help her out in the house. Show her that you're not just her lover but also her husband, her partner, the one she can count on even at the worst circumstances.
Be honest and sincere with her.
Take her out.
She may be overwhelmed and needs a vacation or time off from the house or from her work or from whetever she's constantly at.
Be you who's going to her rescue as the husband that you are and accepted her as yours long ago.
Show her, constantly show her you-are-active in whatever needs to be done in the house, from cutting off a tree to make dinner or changing diapers. That's what a husband is and when she sees you doing so and eager to give her a hand, alone she'll come to you.
I know you won't like what I'm going to tell you, but, (as I have done it before), diet with her and be her strengh and her pilar at all time.
Remember, man, we are very different creatures when it comes to feelings and minds. We do feel and think "all
the way opposite" to women; it is as we were made. Think, but seriously think about this and make your adjustments but, for one reason and one reason only: Because you love her as not just your lover, but also as your bud, your friend and your partner.
Finally, things like this one are the ones that built and make marriages stronger, closer and solid when we're willing to fix it and going through no matter what.
Think about it and I wish the very best to you, I really do.

Answer 4

Bottom line--If you don't love youself you can't love others or let them love you. There is probably nothing you can do to truly help her other than reaffirm that you think she is attractive. Mentioning diet plans or exercise is only going to make things worse. She needs professional help, but if she is like most women will be to stubborn to get it. I would try to get an outside source (friend or doctor to suggest lipo). It may seem too aggressive, but until she feels better about herself your relationship is screwed. Women are more likely to get lipo than see a therapist in this situation. Go figure. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I speak from experience.

Answer 5

I admire you for your unwavering support and love for your wife. If you cannot have an open discussion with her about her "feeling unattractive", then I would suggest you share this concern to a girl person/girl relative who you know is absolutely close to your wife. Women have the tendency to be more open about insecurities when we discuss it with a person of same gender. If that close (girl) friend or relative can encourage your wife to join her in fitness classes then maybe this diversion will show your wife that she is better off in her appearance compared to other women of her age. She just needs more self assurance and more self esteem and she has to find this herself. You are there to support her BUT at the same time you have to let her realize that this negative feeling can be overcome by pampering herself a little more....keeping fit means becoming a healthier and happier person. Maybe she still looks back at her old figure when she was single BUT with the many alternative means (like yoga, aerobics, gym, good eating habits) nowadays - she can easily achieve her old figure back.

Answer 6

Dude, the first thing you need to do is stop talking about this with her, this is having the opposite effect...There are ways you can show her...How about you cooking her a nice dinner, do the whole flower bit, nice table, candles, set the mood...You could take her out on a romantic dinner, walk on the beach afterward (if you have one)...Date your wife...After people get married, they think that whole dating thing is over, it isn't. Show your wife you love her, your actions will speak louder than words. If she is uncomfortable with her body, that is something she will have to deal with, its her body...Maybe leaving the lights off will help her...But you need to set a mood and dont talk about diets, exercise or doctors...She will realize its her that has to fix herself. You good leave cute little notes in odd places to...There is so much you can do....

Answer 7

Get her to watch Phat Girls, with Mo'Nique. And remember familiarity breeds contempt so yeah she's going to get peed off with you, so yes, encourage her to see someone dietician or doctor. Plus bro don't pressure her into sex, and instead make her first feel sexy, make her feel like she's beautiful don't push excerises onto her she could be feeling depressed about her weight and saying "a little bit meat on 'em is ok" isn't really a good line bro, not every woman is ok with their figure especially if they didn't look like that in the beginning. BE PATIENT!!

Answer 8

I can understand her not feeling sexy. I was thin for a long time and then I started gaining weight and because I wasnt theway I used to be I started to feel a bit insecure so that part is understandable. But what is weird is that she complains and does nothing. Try to explain to her that you can do exercise with her that is good for her and once she gets used to it and drops a couple pounds then you can speed up and she can get on your level. Good luck with this. I know how women can be as I am one. lol

Answer 9

I think most women think they are fat, and most of us are insecure even if we're not fat. So with that in mind, most women are likely to say they are fatas*es, on a somewhat routine basis, sad as that sounds. She probably has somewhat low self-esteem if she doesn't want to throw down with you--the fact that you're in shape doesn't help. During sex a lot of women spend the whole time imagining what you're seeing and thinking about her rather than actually enjoying the sex.

So advice? I guess if I were you I'd tell her that I'm sick of hearing the same thing if she's not going to do anything about it. I'd reassure her that I didn't think she was fat and remind her that it's obnoxious to keep bringing it up. If she brings it up again (a month later), leave the room. Cover your ears. Just don't engage. Don't reinforce her to do it again by listening and saying the same things.

Answer 10

Do something special for her, buy her a new outfit and matching purse. Then cook her dinner and make an effort, oh and no diet food on the menu. You can take it from there, dont do it just once but make her feel like the princess you see her to be. If she still does'nt respond to that, tell her you want to go on a romantic walk with her and get her a little hidden exercise.