I have a friend who I am in currently in a relationship with, but the problem is that he is married, and his wife wants them to get back together. However he doesn't want to get back with her, he says that he wants to stay with me. But I don't want to get in the way of them possibly getting back together. So I have decided to keep him just as one of my guy friends. He is having problems with this because he says that I am hurting him, by doing this. He says that he loves me, and I seriously believe him. Here's the other catch I am married, but I am in the middle of a divorce. I don't want to stand in the way of any marriage getting back together. I care about him, but I am not in love with him. My husband wants us to get back together, because he still loves me. I need advice. What should I do?
2007-09-18 18:12:23 · 18 answers · asked by Jordan Is My Love 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To White Tornado: I am not a home wrecker, and he's the one who came into my life. His relationship with his wife has been strained for 2 yrs, and I have known him for 8 1/2 yrs.
To Crystal G: I never slept with him, we have had plenty of late night conversations, but we both agreed until we decided what we going to do. We could be friends.
To Crystal G: We are just friends, and we never had sex together.
So to everyone who wants to call me a homewrecker, I am not. He is actually the home wrecker.
To Shellbell: Yes, I do still love my husband, he is very important to me still. Which is why I am considering letting him come back.
My husband was the one who cheated on me, I never cheated on my husband.
2007-09-18 18:33:24 · update #1
Summarising what all these wonderful people above have said and including my own opinion-
1. Calm down, relax, take a deep breath 10 times.
2.Stay away from this 'guy friend' of yurs.
3. Love yur 'own' husband.
4. Get back to yur 'own' husband.
5. Avoid any other male frnz in future who is not a common frnd of thou and thou spouse.
6. Forget this whole episode, yu and yur husband plan a trip out together and relish each other's company.
Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-09-18 18:59:02 · answer #1 · answered by 13 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first priority is to make sure that your marriage is finished. If you still love your husband, possibly some counseling would help the two of your to work things out.
If you decide against continuing your marriage, then the next thing is to make sure that he is absolutely finished with his marriage. Has he made every effort to work his marriage out, especially if he has children with her? Too often , 6 months or so down the road, they feel guilty for the children's sake and end up back with the wife. You do not want to be his rebound woman either.
The last thing is that if everything else seems to be in order, you need to take your time before making any commitments to him or anyone else. Usually the first relationship after a marriage is a rebound relationship, where you regain your confidence to face the world single again. Once you feel comfortable being single again, then you can move on to another serious relationship. If you do not take these steps, you will eventually wonder if you made the right decisions. Too often newly divorced people move into a new relationship too quickly becuse they are used to having a companion in life. Because you have become so dependent on having a partner, your heart may fool you into believing that you are falling in love too quickly. Just remember this--the faster the relationship progresses, the greater the chance of it ending. The one other thing to keep in your mind is that lust and companionship should not be mistaken for love.
Good Luck!!!
2007-09-19 01:32:49 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you have so many emotions going on right now. Both of you should step back and see whats up at the home front first. If it is meant to be, then it will be. But only after divorces are final if that is the route that you both so choose. Are both of your current marriages that bad that you can't work it out? Or is that you just don't want to? Too many people are gonna get hurt if you don't get divorces first and don't start being real honest with yourselves. You have to decide whats more important to you. Your husband is still in love with you, are you still in love with him? You might want to try to work that out before you just give up all hope. Your boyfriend/ guy friend sounds confused. If he doesn't want his marriage, then why isn't he in the middle of a divorce? All of this just isn't fair to anyone. How would you feel if you were that man's wife? Think about it. I think that in your heart you know what you need to do or else you wouldn't have asked that question. Thats why you tried to step back from him. Some time it is just hard to do the right thing and you have to hear it from someone else. That man is not free. You are not yet free. You need to pump your breaks a little bit harder.
2007-09-19 01:32:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lil Momma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it always looks easier to run away from current relationship and go for a new guy
there seems to be more underlying problems other than i don't love my current husband now but i love my new guy......
i may ask what if after a few years you don't love your new hubby? you may say no now but it did happened to your current marriage?
Before both of you decided to jump into a new relationship, make good use of the opportunity to understand where the problem lies in both of your current marriage (most likely different) and there is a possibility it may lies with you. So maybe it may trigger either a patch back to your current marriage (which I do hope so).
God bless!
2007-09-19 01:21:38 · answer #4 · answered by sydneybeach 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop Straddling the fence and tell him to do the same. you don't love him. tell him and stay friends. don'tlove the husband finish the divorce and date again. If your guy friend doesn't love the wife.divorce her then he could date again with someone not you. if any kids are involved maintain a healthy growing environment and stay civil with spouses. That is a tangled web and the only way to fix the knots is to stop lying to each other for the sake of feelings. seriously straighten this out before it gets worse. Good luck
2007-09-19 01:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by Gray 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump the side and stick with your husband especially If you don't love him. Focus your love on your husband, it will surprise him and maybe you too! Been married 22 yrs. and have found it's best to be your husbands best friend. Call him once or twice during the day just to say.... whatever. Focus on your own business and not someone else's!
2007-09-19 01:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by Strawberry 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go back to your husband. If you are still in love with him and he wants to work things out as well.. you made a commitment to him in the sight of God, that is where your obligation lies. If it hurts the other guy, there is nothing you can do about that. I know it sucks, but things happen for a reason, and one day he will understand.
2007-09-19 01:16:42 · answer #7 · answered by Tina W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you guys have too much going on right now to think about a relationship with each other!! I always believe the rebound person never works out!! I have yet to see it work out! I know it will hurt but if you and this guy are meant to be then it will happen! But I would step away from it for now and take care of yourself and your own situation and let him take care of his!
Good Luck with everything and take care of yourself!!
2007-09-19 01:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by Simply Stevie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest to let your "friend" go and give your husband another chance since you say you love him. But this "friend" will have to keep his distance and if he seriously "loves" you then he needs to give you the space and time you need to carry on with your life.
2007-09-19 06:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know what to do, but if you still love your husband then try to work things out with him.
2007-09-19 02:07:22 · answer #10 · answered by Jai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋