What kinds of rules should one stick to when trying to be assertive?
2007-09-18 17:46:26 · 15 answers · asked by the redcuber 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Be assertive, with a nice soft reason.
2007-09-18 17:49:13 · answer #1 · answered by Vickyy<3 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The trick to being assertive is knowing that only YOU know what is right for you. Its ok for someone to completely disagree with and you go ahead the way you need to. Saying no is easy if you give yourself permission to be the most important person in the room. You actually never have get angry or upset at all. Being assertive and kind go hand in hand.
You are in charge of every aspect of your life and people can only influence you to the degree you allow them too. Having trouble being assertive is about being afraid that others will be angry or unhappy with you. You need to realize that they will be just fine even if they do get angry. You however will not be fine if you don't listen to yourself. You can not believe the connections to health problems and stress. Nothing puts a back out faster than anger or crashes an immune system faster than fear.
It really is your life please give yourself permission to live it happily!
2007-09-19 00:55:15 · answer #2 · answered by mavrachangawoke 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Acknowledge the other person's feeling, wants, ideas. Avoid the words "but" and "however," because these words have a tendency to negate everything that you said before them. Instead use the word "and," and then transition into your position.
If it is a situation in which you are attempting to "get" something... Remember, how you say things is as important as what you say. Make eye contact. Use a strong tone of voice, if naturally you tend to speak softly, but do not yell/shout.
See on what level you and the "other guy" can agree. Find common ground and build from there.
When all else fails: Try a personal appeal. Explain your situation, and why you would be so grateful if _________.
I hope this helps. God bless.
2007-09-19 00:54:58 · answer #3 · answered by Mel W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me assertiveness comes naturally but when I really want someone to know that I mean business, I make sure to stand up straight and look them in the eye and talk to them very clearly so that they can't mistake what it is that I'm saying and I make sure that I say it in a very serious tone of voice. When you want to be assertive you have to make sure that your voice and body language project what you want the other person to perceive. You want to make sure that they understand that you're very serious about what you're about to say. I don't know if you have children but the same attitude that you have when you have a serious talk with them is the same that you want with others not when you and the kids are fighting but say when you discuss not using drugs or alcohol.
You don't yell or use curses as that will cause the person to be come defensive. You don't raise your voice but you look them straight in the eye and say what you have to so that they know that you take this very seriously.
2007-09-19 01:09:18 · answer #4 · answered by Kathryn R 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being assertive is not the same as being demanding or pushy. An assertive person makes reasonable requests and behaves respectably whether or not his request is honored. When being assertive, it is very helpful to know what you want, be very direct in asking for what you want, know the possible outcomes in the situation, and know the appropriate responses for each situation.
2007-09-19 00:52:49 · answer #5 · answered by Nikolas M 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
One should keep to the facts & maintain a clear & honest dialogue with your audience.
Showing respect is to broad of a concept to concern yourself with - it's all relative. If you're holding back certain points & ideas because of fear of offending - you're not being assertive. This would be passive, diplomatic at best.
State your case point by point. Lay out the facts & be honest with your feelings.
2007-09-19 01:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Avoid qualifying statements. That means don't say things like:
It would be nice if we could . . .
Do you think I could . . .
This might sound stupid, but . . .
This might be a bad idea, but . . .
Just say what you want in a friendly tone. Don't phrase it as a question, either. For example: I'll have the report to you by Monday at 2 pm. Or, if it's something that affects lots of other people, say "Let's move the meeting to 2 o'clock. I think that will work with our schedules better."
The leave it up to the other person to say otherwise. 99% of the time they'll be fine with you making the decision.
2007-09-19 00:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe treating someone the way you want to be treated is important factor. treat them as yourself. Also, listening to someone concerns taking note of what they say but still keeping with your own feelings and ideas about what you are discussing. Not interrupting someone when they speak, and listing go far, and hopefully in return if they feel you are respecting there feelings they will show the same respect.
2007-09-19 00:56:15 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always call them sir or ma'am, but only if they're older than you. If it's something that's taken a while to be said or done, it should be addressed, remember you have priorities too. Don't raise your voice and make sure you keep your body language in check, if they show aggressiveness, explain to them that they don't have to talk in such a manner and make sure to always keep watch how you speak (smile and be happy!)
2007-09-19 00:55:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jonathon Thurston's Wife? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be honest , polite and respectful of the other persons feelings.
it also helps if you are able to weave the conversation around so that they come up with your ideas. let them be the head and you be the neck
2007-09-19 00:56:44 · answer #10 · answered by xanie k 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋