I am starting to see that i have control issues with my boyfriend, i dont have much trust and am always so scared that he is going to hook up with another girl, he has really never gave me an excuse to be like this, but i mean i will put off even seeing my family so that i know where he is when he gets off work, i dont want to be like this... (we live together) what do i do how can i change this?
2007-09-18 17:41:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes my self esteem is bad, i dont feel like i make him happy and he dosent let me know that i do, i feel like the only way i make him happy is sex.. and hell he like to rub one out more that doing it..
2007-09-18 17:47:38 · update #1
yes he is my reason for living.... everything circles around him, but i mean i cant get him to go out with me to a bar nothing he just wants to work from 8-9 every day and watch tv... we are 24 and 21
2007-09-18 17:49:43 · update #2
see i have tried the girls night nout and stuff, and i only think of what is he doing ... and see what he would do is get drunk and pass out where ever he is, so then i would be worried about where he is and what is he doing
2007-09-18 17:52:04 · update #3
you have to be willing to stop that.. you need to find a hobby or something that keeps you busy. you dont want to look like you dont trust him or he will get mad.. good luck
2007-09-18 17:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your reason for living? Gee, if nothing will drive a guy away, that will. You are putting too much responsibility on him for you. You seriously need to put things into perspective. Even if he went away for good, it would hardly be the end of the world for you. There are indeed thousands of great alternates out in the wings to discover should you need to find a new guy. Very few will put up with that pressure though.
That said, what you feel is pretty natural. Most of us go through the possessive angst when young and inexperienced. We outgrow it usually after making complete asses of ourselves in ways that are exceedingly embarrassing in hindsight. Just try to be objective and rational. Talk with friends, family if you must, and a doctor if you are getting nowhere.
2007-09-18 18:02:10 · answer #2 · answered by jcsuperstar714 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
start off slowly with loosening the leash. for example, do something with your friends or family that only requires a short amount of your time, that way you are not away from him for long, but you've taken a small step in giving him a little trust. do that maybe once a week, escalating to either twice a week, or for a slightly longer period of time. During the time you are away from him, don't call, if you can help it. It may be hard to even enjoy yourself, but these small steps will make huge impact on keeping the relationship going. good luck...and since he hasn't given you any reason to think otherwise...give him the benefit of the doubt...you, him and all your friends and family will be happier!
2007-09-18 17:51:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop having him be the only reason for living. It will eventually drive him away. My gf knew where her hubby was every minute of every day and he still found a way to cheat. You cannot control that. You CAN control obsessing about him. GET A LIFE. Or he may find a woman who is interesting. Get a hobby, join a club, take a class, get some friends to hang out with without him. Good luck, and remember to become a more well rounded person.
2007-09-18 17:47:54 · answer #4 · answered by funngirly 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you see my dear that this behavior is controlling your life, as it seems to, you need professional help to correct this.You do know this will drive him away eventually. He will hook up with others if 1 he has no character, Or wants to get rid of you because your driving him nuts.. You say you live together. You do mean shacking up don't you? Like a unpaid whore correct? How sad you have cast your family aside, l;iving in a un committed house...Changes need to be made my dear for you to take control of your life in a positive way
2007-09-18 17:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love can not exist without trust. Eventually, you will get tired of checking up on him. If you have trust issues, you need to resolve them before you run him away. If he has given you reason to believe that he is not being faithful, then you need to confront him, and find out the truth before it drives you crazy. There is not excuse for living in misery.
2007-09-18 17:48:36 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you feel insecure about yourself. you need to explore the why. there is nothing he could ever do to make you feel safe. because as you say it is not him. you may need some counseling or just try to accept that he loves and exercise trust with him. " dont be at home waiting for him to come home" go to your family. test the trust and give yourself some space from him to learn you can indeed trust him and relax in the love and respect you share. if you hover he will run from you.
2007-09-18 17:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by phantom43 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are to be commended for recognizing this problem within yourself, as it shows you have self awareness. What you need to work on is your self-confidence. Start reading self-help books about increasing confidence and do your homework. Remind yourself what a great catch you are and why your boyfriend has chosen you above others. When you are tempted to keep an eye on him, try to focus on something else, like your own interests.
2007-09-18 17:52:05 · answer #8 · answered by Ann 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Try yoga or some type of relaxation, get your mind off of it. Sometimes you feel this way for a reason, be it past relationships or something he has said. Let him know your feelings. If he is truly faithful, then maybe you need some type of counseling, doesn't have to be prescriptions.
2007-09-18 17:49:39 · answer #9 · answered by shes_marie77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy and not trusting is not love. you dn't trust him and you are worried about him doing soemthing and you are the one that goes out and stuff. you have to be happy also and if that is what you are worried about you need to look for soemone you can trust and when you do then you will feel good and not worry that is loveand trust take care.
2007-09-22 14:05:12 · answer #10 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe try and figure out why you're so scared he'll hook up with someone else?....is it the fact that you'd be alone, or you'd feel abandoned?
try and think of him differently...he's with you to love you, not to hurt you.....pay more attention to the quality time you spend together, and don't worry about the times you're not with him.....my opinion, you're focusing on negative stuff that hasn't happened yet....so, try and stay positive....use your energy for fun stuff.....
I hope this helped a little :)
2007-09-18 18:02:06 · answer #11 · answered by nemofish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋