ok so first of all im only in 8th grade. my teacher gave the class a really bad paragraph and we were suppose to edit it and make it better. it is going to be the beginning of a story:
Joan slowly crept along the dark hallway. She heard strange yet quiet noises. As she walked further to explore what was happening, she could feel that the walls were slimy. Joan saw a bit of light in front of her at the end of the dark hallway. Goose bumps crawled upwards along her arms and she felt cold without her jacket. Suddenly, she heard a voice whispering something she couldn’t understand. Joan took a frightened step and suddenly fell into a deep black pit.
that was my version..but i have to write a continued part. it can be about anything...just an addition to it. what happens after she falls in the pit?? can someone please help? :D! this is only a scratch copy so it doesnt have to be PERFECT. you can add different stuff. people in my class added that joan woke up in a hotel and stuff.....
2007-09-18 17:27:28 · 12 answers · asked by Top Contributor 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
the second part only has to be a paragraph
2007-09-18 17:27:53 · update #1
oh and i already turned in the first paragraph so no changes to that one
2007-09-18 17:31:48 · update #2
oh and i already turned in the first paragraph so no changes to that one
2007-09-18 17:32:03 · update #3
no i just need help. im doing my own homework. i'm honestly a pretty good student..but when the writing homework comes, i go to yahoo answers.
2007-09-18 17:40:58 · update #4
she stood up an looked at where she had fallen from, but before she could see she herd that same voice but this time it was closer, the words got louder and louder, when suddenly something taped her on the shoulder, she screamed, then she could hear a roar of laughter......."JOAN! are you listening to me?"
"or are you to busy daydreaming to hear what i have been saying? " now can you please answer the question up on the board.
sorry i duno thought i wuld give it a try, im nmal good at writing storys but it takes me awhile to come up with ideas lol
2007-09-18 17:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Joan slowly crept along the dark hallway. She heard strange yet quiet noises. Suddenly, she heard a voice whispering something she couldn't understand. As she walked further to explore what was happening she could feel that the walls were slimy. Goose bumps crawled upwards along her arms and she felt colf without her jacked. Joan saw a bit of light in front of her at the end of the dark hallway. Joan took a frightened step and suddenly fell into a deep black pit.
Joan woke up after what seemed to be days but in reality was only a matter of moments! She must have bumped her head when she fell and lost consciousness for a few moments. But what had happened, she couldn't remember. She tried to stand up but she felt weak in the knee's and a bit faint. As she looked around the pit she realized she had fallen into a hole covered by just a board. But it was so dark in there, she was frightened as she realized she was alone down there.
2007-09-18 17:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by steracrudy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Joan slowly crept along the dark hallway. She heard strange yet quiet noises. As she walked further to explore what was happening, she could feel that the walls were slimy. Joan saw a bit of light in front of her at the end of the dark hallway. Goose bumps crawled upwards along her arms and she felt cold without her jacket. Suddenly, she heard a voice whispering something she couldn’t understand. Joan took a frightened step and suddenly fell into a deep black pit.
It seemed to Joan as if she had fallen for quite some time, though in fact the drop was only about eight feet. It took her a moment to regain a sense of her surroundings. When she did, she regretted doing so almost immediately. A rancid slough of murky liquid lapped about her thighs. Cool, congealed, brownish slime drenched her hair and skin as if it wished to suffocate her very pores. It did not take her long to realize that the liquid, for the most part, consisted of blood; in the dark corners of the room, the faint light drifting from above hinted at large piles of bones as well as the rotting flesh (of what, no person could now tell).
However, despite her disgust at the current situation, Joan maintained the contents of her stomach. No, Joan was too terrified to vomit. Her eyes had locked with two bloodshot orbs that seemed to glow red with an eerie light - she had come face to face with the beast of all her nightmares. A low growl met her scream as the beast leaped...
2007-09-18 17:40:53 · answer #3 · answered by mickundca 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I won't write the paragraph for you because the assignment is to help you learn to stretch your imagination and learn something about writing. I already have a college degree in English, so I don't need that practice. :)
So, let's think about Joan falling into a pit. How deep is it? Does she land on something? What else is in the pit? What might happen next?
You have a good imagination. You've read books and seen movies. What do you think is in the pit? Is it shallow enough she can get out? Deep enough she has to explore it and find a tunnel that leads to ....?? yeah. Where does it go?
See, how it works? You start asking yourself "what if" questions and they lead you from one sentence to the next. Maybe you want to have a funny ending, so she ends up in a pool of Jello. Maybe you want a scary ending and there is a monster in the dark. Maybe you want something that might really happen, so something else takes place.
I'm betting you can write a very good paragraph if you close your eyes and see Joan after she fell into the pit.
2007-09-18 17:36:50 · answer #4 · answered by Iris the Librarian 4 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Dark. cold. But, joan took a deep breath, said a prayer, recalled her lessons on courage, bravery: surveyed the scene around, willed herself with some effort to see through the dark space around. gradually, faint beams of light! visibility! a track ahead; some faint sound, human voice, murmurs -- oh, yes, all is not lost. joan walked carefully a few steps at a time. and, then ahead of her a search party, looking for some lost treasure, in another part of the pit. two men and a girl. the whisper she heard was their chatter. .....she makes bold to join them, brief introductions, and, hey, presto, she is now part of the treasure hunting group....... after a few hours of companionship, they discover the treasure is really Joan! All ends well, all is well. Joan back home, new friendship! More adventures ahead, together, the four of them.......next week, this time, this channel!
2007-09-18 17:44:30 · answer #5 · answered by swanjarvi 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It seemed like she was falling forever. The louder she screamed, the slower the time seemed to go by. Eventually she hit the ground with a thud but to her surprise, she was unharmared. Her eyes wandered the darkness in search of some light. The clouding darkness held no avail and she felt hopeless. Her other senses were heightened from lack of sight and she heard a soft call of her name. Within moments she recognized the voice and smiled. It was her mothers voice calling her like she did every morning to wake her for school. She opened her eyes and shook her head in approval as she realized it was her room. She got up, wrote quickly in her journal what she saw, and skipped downstairs to eat breakfast.
hellz yeah
i hope thats good
cuz i in fact have a heart
:D
hope it helpeddd
2007-09-18 17:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by forget-me-nots & marigolds 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Joan cried out in pain as she hit the rocky bottom of what seemed to be an underground cave. She cursed out loud and then quickly slapped her hand over her mouth, afraid she may have alerted the owners of the strange voices to her presence. Wishing she had never let her curiosity get to her she glanced back up out of the hole she'd fallen into realising she would never be able to climb out. Joan had only one way to go, ahead... toward the voices. Rising to her shaky feet she began to creep forward towards the glowing light. Edging around a bend Joans heart left to attention in her chest pounding like a bongo drum as she saw the creatures causing the strange mutterings; little goblin like creatures hovered around a small camp fire with their leathery brown skin shiny in the firelight. They wore loin cloths and llittle belts arounf their wastes with intricate tools and strange devices. Their helmets looked out of place and Joan wondered, "were they boing to battle?" So this was what had been causing all the strange noises underneath her house.
Afraid to make a sound Joan realised she hadn't taken a breath in several minutes and in snatching a breath the goblins suddenly turned around and spotted her.....
You tell me- what happens next?
2007-09-18 17:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Renesme 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Down the pit she falls. Her screams bounce and echo on the marble walls. At last the floor meets her bum. She's calling, crying for her mum. In the dark, she barely sees a figure. She rises from her knees. "Welcome, Joan, to the Room of the Past. Now take this bag to ice your a$$."
An ice bag flies into her hand. "Who're you?" she asks. "What is this land?"
A glow of light. A curtain flows beyond the suspicious character's nose. And Joan, she sets her eyes at last upon her story: future, present, and past.
2007-09-18 17:37:42 · answer #8 · answered by The Agent 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Fumbling around, she felt what she thought was a bone, but it was too dark to see anything, she stood up, but learned, painfully, that she had injured her ankle.
Placing her hand against the wall, she heard a click and the pit was bathed in blinding light from all directions.
2007-09-18 17:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
sorry I cant help because I dont have a heart
2007-09-18 17:33:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋