you are all right. I've given him the best years of my life. And yes I am staying for the children. Even though I don't love him, I do care about him. And no way would he get counseling.
Yes I've just started to save money for the first time ever.
We did seperate for 1 yr due to job move but I was still very dependent on him for everything and when he moved back I thought things would get better after being apart but I was wrong. I'm not ready to live on my own as that one year was very difficult by my self. My children are teenagers. Thank you all.
2007-09-18 17:10:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like maybe you are staying because you have to financially. That's not a good situation to be in. I think the first thing you need to do is work on being independent. I can imagine it must be hard after being dependent on someone, but you can do it. Start trusting your own judgment and decisions, and start making more on your own. Work at becoming a full-time employee, and make your own money. I have a feeling you would be much happier on your own...you just need to be able to afford to be on your own. Hang in there. You will do what's best for you. Take care.
2007-09-18 17:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by Spendelicious27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.K. It appears that you have two options. Keep your mouth closed about these feelings until your youngest is in collage and then you will only have to support you or take the chance on him leaving and let him know that it is counseling or goodbye..
Now, if he loves you and wants his life to include you he will go to counseling. If you think that it is possible to get back to being in love with him than try it. If you are truly done with him than just wait until your youngest is gone.
Facing the reality of your situation is difficult but in the end what is a few more years to wait. Your children need a father during these teenage years and it is best for them right now and the right thing if you don't feel you have any other options.
Good luck! I would stay, it is hard alone and damaging to children.
2007-09-19 00:20:29 · answer #2 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you my personal experience as a child in this situation. My mom left my dad when I was 18 (12 years ago). It eventually came out that she had been unhappy for the last 10 yrs of their 20 yr marriage. It was so hard for me, because I felt I was responsible for her unhappiness (even though she made her own choices). I don't know if you fight with your husband or not, but if you do, what's worse, a child having special, quality time with mom and dad at differemt times, or having mom and dad in the same house tip toeing around one another and not showing them what a loving relationship could be. Being a single parent is not easy, but it doesn't sound like you have it all that easy right now. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
2007-09-19 00:23:33 · answer #3 · answered by shes_marie77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best has come and gone, now its time to take charge of your own life. .Other wise your loveless hopeless marriage will turn into a life of Depression and low self esteem. I don't know if you believe in GOD are not but the BIBLE says that he will never leave us nor forsake us. Sometimes we just have to step out on FAITH and let go and let GOD handle it. .As a mother myself I have found out that when I was unhappy my children knew it. they could tell, and this will cause them to grow up not knowing what it means to have a loving family unless YOU change that for them. There are a lot of Divorced single mothers out here that have it hard but still allow their children to be brought up in LOVING homes. The choice is yours if you want to stay there and be intimidated by him because he id the bread winner, you can work and bring home the bacon, fry it up and still be a loving MOTHER.
PRAY about it and do what you have to do.
2007-09-19 01:30:28 · answer #4 · answered by LovelyChoc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay in a hopeless , loveless marriage for your kids. You are doing them no favors. It is better for kids of any age to be in split households that are happy and peaceful, than in one that is tense. Kids will pick up on what's going on even if you hide it. I recently left a 22 yr. marriage and now wish I would have left sooner. I , too, thought I couldn't make it. It's tough, no doubt, especially financially, but we spend what we make. And if it's not there, you find a way to survive. I often have to say NO to things I've never said NO to. In my situation (because he lied about his income and is not paying support) my kids are doing without things they've always had, but I think it is best for them to see that sometimes "less is more".Things don't matter. Love does.
2007-09-19 00:25:29 · answer #5 · answered by onceisenoughilearnedmylesson 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your first problem is you children are teenagers. You need to figure out what pushes his buttons, most likely its the attention your kids take away from him. Men are like big babies, somewhere inside he feels like he is at the bottom of the stack of everything. I think adults really lose theirselves with children and once their kids are beginniing to grow up they are in a rut! You know what he likes to do, you may not like it, but ask him on a date to do that! Type out a cute little invitation and hand fill in the to and from and the time and place! Think like when you were dating and you wanted to "get their attention". You have to find a way to communicate. www.onceuponafamily.com has a new product called conversation starters. Im a consultant and ill show it to you if youd like loreandillard@yahoo.com anyhoo, it sounds corny i know, but you cant prejudge someone, you have to start with talking, even if its not anything about yalls relationship! And lots of prayer, the best advice i ever got is before you pray for your husband to change, pray for god to show you what you may have done to cause the argument, it takes a lot for a person to step back and look at themselves first! Think about it :)
2007-09-19 00:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by Lorean D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say get yourself together so that you won't have to depend on him.It sounds like the only reason you want to stay is because he's the bread winner.I think that if you were able to take care of yourself you probably wouldnt be with him.Just ask yourself, if you were the bread winner and he depended on you, would you feel the same about him.Follow your heart.
2007-09-19 00:17:57 · answer #7 · answered by I got the answer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
-if he doesnt wanna to for counseling, then i suggest you two have a heart to heart discussion, (calmly). try to see where the problem lies in your marriage and give it one last shot. if this doesnt work out then
-u need to get a job
-i think ur children are old enough to respect ur decision if u want to divorce. coz if u are not happy, how can u make others happy?
2007-09-19 00:16:13 · answer #8 · answered by reeya a f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to find a life within the marriage. Maybe get a part time job. Funny you don't mention how he feels about the marriage.
2007-09-19 00:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait for next issue on my website www.breakupsos.com. In the mean time don't do anything drastic. It will never settle any problem like leaving him, quarrel etc. which will only expand the problem.
2007-09-19 00:24:06 · answer #10 · answered by Zazzrix Zebriel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋