Is it possible to "try" to please your partner to the point they don't respect your efforts as sincere.

Question

I have made very significant changes in my life for the better over the last 4 yrs to make myself a better person and have made many good steps. But my wife has (in my perception) become less satisfied and even more demanding to a point of making my life very difficult. All I want is for our lives to be better on all levels but she has no desire to please me in anyway and has made it clear she never will. I will continue to improve myself no matter what she does because its for myself and our children but I am haveing resentments for her lack of effort in even the smallest matters. any thoughts

Answer 1

Marriage is a two way street. If you're making all of the efforts, there's bound to be resentment. Your resentment will build up to the point where you may say some hurtful things, so it's best to talk to your wife about the concerns you're having regarding your marriage. Let her know you're making an honest effort to better your life and if it's not up to her seemingly impossible standards, she'll have to find another husband. How can you make all the effort and she none? Marriage is give and take, and she needs to wake up.

Answer 2

I have been going through something like this with my husband. In our case I still hold a lot of resentment towards him because of his past behaviors. I have not been able to give to him yet because I still feel like I am the one that should be receiving instead of giving. For us it has only been about 3 months so I really don't trust that his changes are real. But if you have been at this for 4 years I think you would have convinced her by now. I hate to say this but she has probably given up on the relationship and is going through the motions for the kids.

Answer 3

I would suggest that you tell her how you are feeling and most importantly, remind her that when she improves how she is...and works harder at pleasing you, then it will benefit her too, because you will continue to want to please her more and more. I think sometimes people become stubborn and forget that doing things for others makes others want to do good things for them.

I would like to say though that she sounds really selfish and I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think it is great that you are continuing to make improvements. You might mention to her that in relationships...both partners need to be constantly working on improving themselves "even" if she feels there is" just nothing" wrong with her. Good luck to you. I hope she realizes what she is doing.

Answer 4

You took control of your life to make it better and she got left behind, hence her reason for being the way she is.

You have made positive steps in life with how you live, how you want to live etc and she is feeling out of sync with that.

Don't give up on her just encourage her slowly to take those same steps.

Answer 5

I am sorry this is happening to you. its really sad because sound like it would be great for both of you. i am nt sure why she won't be good to you also but maybe the best thing is out for both of you fighting over things little things isn't good and the fact you have kids is not the reason to stay together they feel the strife and stuff going on its best with relxed attitude take care and goodl uck

Answer 6

Definitely!

Going TOO much out of the way to please someone can certainly have the opposite effect. People that are generally hard to please have their own issues and becoming meeker, more subservient and always looking out for them wort get it done.

What will please a spouse is you being yourself, in your own way in a manner that also takes their feelings, goals and life wants into consideration. If they are not willing to give that to you then they are not holding up their end of the bargain.

If you resent her, tell her. make your feelings known. Be strong and don't walk on eggshells always trying to please her. Love her but be a bit aloof and she should know that you're a strong man both in and out of your relationship. Even hard to please people hate martyrs so done make yourself one.