We have a rather fussy (formerly colic) 5 month old, who already has a lot of stranger anxiety - she is very attached to mom and dad, and often screams after being held by someone else... frequently she is inconsolable...
There are many relatives and friends who seem to insist on holding her even if she is having a melt down. I think they seem to think that surely they can calm her down... when they cannot and I take her away to calm her, I feel really guilty! The comments are always - "it doesn't bother me if she is crying... but if it bothers you here you go." It makes me feel really dumb for wanting to help her stop crying, like it shouldn't bother me. But I know it is a mother's natural instinct to stop her baby from crying and I see no reason to have her scream incessantly and work herself into a tizzy.
What's the deal with people not wanting to let go of crying babies after a couple minutes, unless prodded by the mother? Suggestions in dealing with this?
2007-09-18 16:33:45 · 14 answers · asked by wesjen 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
As lame as this sounds, what I always did was talk to my daughter directly and then the meaning-well relatives usually forked her back over. I would say something silly like "oh geez, you just won't settle for anyone but mom eh?" and hold out my hands. People won't generally fight you on it. For the most part people want to give you a break and don't want you to feel like you have to take her back. I am just like you, hate seeing my little one cry, especially due to stranger anxiety. There can't be anything worse for a little one than being with some strange person, crying in fear and seeing mom or dad across the room. It does get better with time though. Hang in there.
2007-09-18 16:50:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry. That is so hard. My daughter did that. She had colic. We took her to the pediatrician about once a week looking for an answer. We tried everything. It was awful. We went completely insane. Try chiropractic. It actually helped my daughter some. Also, talk to your pediatrician for other ideas. The other thing we did is get the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. We had to learn that it was okay to put her in her crib and walk away. We gained a little sanity from it and she started sleeping 12 hours a night. It was a godsend. Good luck! I really feel for you. You are not alone.
2016-05-18 02:03:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babies cry and everyone knows thats a fact of life. Anyone who has been a mom may have that instinct to want to console a crying baby.They may think because they have been a mom & have experience that they are some kind of "supermom" and have all the answers. I have a couple of family members like that, I just grit my teeth & put up with it.
It is probably good for your baby to be held by others if even only for a minute or so to help with socialization.
2007-09-18 16:50:55 · answer #3 · answered by Momof2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I offer to hold crying babies because I want to give the mom a break from the screaming in her ears. Most moms are grateful for the chance to rest.
I have also discovered that some people seem to have an "inner calm" that when they hold the crying little one, the baby will feel soothed by them.
Don't ever feel frustrated or dumb because you want to help make your baby stop crying, you're her mom, and you want her to feel better so she won't cry.... it's natural.
Remember, if you're tense and upset, the baby will feel that and be just as upset as you are.
2007-09-18 16:46:19 · answer #4 · answered by Loreleii03 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think they are trying to help you because they feel bad that you have to deal with a colicky baby. Most people are glad they do not have a colicky baby when they have their children because the crying is like metal on a chalkboard. I would be upfront with everyone and let them know that it upsets the baby more when strangers hold her and they can look or coo at her while she is in your arms. Hopefully she will have a small bond with at least one other person who could help you get a break in the future.
Congratulations and soon this will all be a memory!!
2007-09-18 16:47:30 · answer #5 · answered by kate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is teething (the baby) most likely! If she has colic, and is irritable: lay her on a flat surface, put your hand firmly but gently on her stomach, and gently bring her legs up to her stomach! The clods picking up the baby and letting her scream herself into fits are not fit to be picking her up!
All of the clods think that "they" are better with children! They
know more, or so they would have you think. They want
you to feel guilty. You are not dumb, your instincts are 100%
correct, and she needs your warmth because she is in pain!
Just give them a dirty look, and say "excuse me?" If they
rattle on about you spoiling the child, just tell them that they
are welcome visiting your home as long as they respect you and your family, and the way you choose to do things, no comments needed!
2007-09-18 16:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by V B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that they are trying to be helpful, to give mom a break. I think that's great in some instances, but if you feel that your baby needs you right now, then that's what is right. It's very important to trust yourself when it comes to your parenting and how you want to deal with it, and always take advice with a grain of salt. (Yes, mine too hehe). Well meaning people can often cause a lot more trouble than they are trying to help you with. It's always okay to say that you appreciate their concern and offers to help, but you'd feel more comfortable just handling this for now, and you'll let them know if you need a break. Guilt for wanting what feels right for your child? I'd push that away quick, you're mom, and you're right. Good luck! :)
2007-09-18 17:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by ksta72 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please don't feel guilty for taking your own baby to calm her. I think that people feel the need to take crying babies to help out the parents. Thinking that the parents get frustrated with crying babies. Just tell people if they talk to you like that again, that she is your baby, and you really don't get frustrated with her crying, and being the MOM, you think you know what is best for her.
Good Luck
Momma P
2007-09-18 16:44:35 · answer #8 · answered by Momma P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the complete opposite problem. My daughter is suffering from serious speration anxiety and I've tried encouraging my family members on holding her, so she learns to accept them.
Well as soon as she cries they hand her back to me and she smiles and laughs at them. If I try to hand her back she clings onto me and cries until they hand her back and then smiles and laughs at them as soon as she gets back into my arms. Its' super frustrating.
There are just a couple of people that are able to hold her for short periods of time and that's only if they distract her and it's only for a short period of time. I love the break!
That's all your friends and family are trying to do for you, give you a break and console your little one.
2007-09-18 16:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe THEY don't want to hurt YOUR feelings... but I agree, for me it's like... gemme back my baby, lol. I don't feel guilty, I just tell them, "she's not liking other people right now, she's going through stranger anxiety." they understand. My second child went through that.
2007-09-22 15:54:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋