About 2 years ago, my husband was ran over by an asphalt roller up to his pelvis. He was in ICU for 10 days and rehab for 2 weeks. He was in a wheeler chair for several months. You would have thought that would have brought us so much closer but instead has drove us farther apart. Has anyone heard of this before or any suggestions. I feel like I have to do all the work around the house. He does not make his kids help because they are only here every other week. I am tired and worn out. Then he decided to start a business. Now he picks and choices what he wants to do for that business and will leave me with the rest.
He tells me he is no longer in love with me after I have done for him and stood by his side through the accident. We try to talk and all we do is fight. He will not see a marriage counceler because we been there once. When we were done with the session each night, it would not be a pleasant ride home. He would yell at me for discussing my feelings. Help!
2007-09-18 16:19:40 · 15 answers · asked by MELISSA G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How was your marriage BEFORE this accident? Honestly?
2007-09-18 16:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by Julie D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know everyone wishes that if something horrible happens that it will bring everyone involved closer together but that is not always the case. It can either change people for the better or for the worse. If he want try, then you can not do it alone. It takes two. It also sounds like he is bitter over what happened to him and maybe somehow blames you too. Be proud that you stood by him and done the right thing, then let it go. Who is to say even if the accident didn't happen, that it would be any different? You can't help who you love so don't blame yourself and really don't blame yourself if he is not willing to try. He needs help. Maybe more then a marriage counselor. If you feel like you have tried everything and given it your most then, walk away and know you were not the one who gave up or failed and don't take the blame for it.
2007-09-18 16:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by CaseyK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is over the marriage. This is tough my dear. Do you want to stay with someone that doesn't love you anymore? Your situation is so hard to take in you pore thing. It seems that he is the one that is not willing to change and that he has made up his mind?? I have to ask you a few questions without you getting offended, but it is important for you to answer them so that you can figure out what your husband is about. Did you gain a lot of weight from the point when he had his accident until the way you look now? How is your physical appearance? Are you updated in the latest fashions and hair styles? Do you work out at all? Or did you let yourself go? Has your mood changed? Do you not have sex with your husband? Maybe he is not attracted to you anymore... A lot of times people gain an excessive amount of weight after marriage. It seems in between those two years he has became angry towards his accident and took it out on you... Now when you saw that marriage cousciler was it after his accident or before? Wow, I usually suggest seeing a couciler, but he is refusing. It seems that he is hinting to you that he is unhappy with you and is heading toward the divorce papers.. Ask him why he doesn't love you anymore....
2007-09-18 16:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd hate to say leave him because it's clear he needs you, but sometimes you have to think about your own well being. It sounds like he's causing you serious mental anguish. I mean, you're doing all you can... and still he expects more, and then when things get hard for you, like with your emotions, instead of returning the favor you've so lovingly given to him, he refuses to see a therapist and tells you he's not in love with you anymore. That's horrible.
BUT... then again, maybe it's deeper. His seemingly selfish ways might be branching from feeling crummy about not being able to do anything anymore. Maybe he's feeling worthless. Maybe he's afraid to admit it. And saying he isn't in love with you... maybe he feels bad of all you've had to take on and sometimes wonders what your life would be like minus him, and then subconciously tries to push you out of the bird-cage, so to speak.
There could be so many underlying issues with something like this - he didn't just go through physical pain, but mental and emotional as well, and it's not likely that it will soon fade. He may try to hide it, but from what it sounds like, it's seeping through pretty seriously, right onto you.
As much as I'm being objective here, I can't advise you to stay in a bad situation either. If it's taking a toll on you mentally and emotionally... then what?! Both of you will be mentally and emotionally drained and together. That could be an explosive situation that leads to resentment, among other things.
A therapist is a must here. You have to try to explain it so he'll know it isn't just about the marriage this time, like before when you two went, but about both of them as individuals coping with a difficult situation.
Tell him you want to go because you love him and want to be by his side for the rest of his life... you just need a little clarity.
Tell him you don't want to take anything out on him and don't want him to take anything out on you.
I hope I've helped. Good luck with this and I wish you both the best.
2007-09-18 16:47:19 · answer #4 · answered by shellj_foxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How was your marriage before the accident and was he left with any disability?
He may be feeling sorry for himself or even angry at you.
He needs to get his act together and show you some respect, love and understanding.
I would suggest that you seriously consider the viability of continuing this relationship and if he is not willing to meet you, at least half way, then call it a day.
2007-09-18 16:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by Frogman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need a break from eachother before deciding on divorce. Maybe taking a breather will let you and him see that you really do love eachother despite everything that has happened. Then again, maybe you'll enjoy the peace and quiet and not having to worry about somebody who doesn't appreciate all you've done for them! And that's OK, but a break will help both of you clear things up for yourselves.
2007-09-18 16:29:53 · answer #6 · answered by im sure 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See a marriage counselor for you; he doesn't need to go. He needs to see someone to help him wiht his anger issues.
What happened to him is still scaring him, and it will take a while for him to get past it. He is probably afraid that you will leave him, and he is probably afraid of what will happen, andit is coming out wrong, and that is making it worse.
Hang in there a bit longer. Learn to say "no" when he decides what he expects from you about the business.
Going to counselling will help you with that.
2007-09-18 16:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by M S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he wants to burden you anymore so it might be his way of letting you go. He most definately is frustrated because he's not the same as he was physically before the accident. He's driving you away on purpose but on the inside he knows that you have a life to live as well.
2007-09-18 17:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by likewhoa88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a narcissist, he cannot handle to talk about feelings….You will be better off without him. It’s all about him isn’t? He does not know how to say sorry….true? You give too much and don’t get anything in return…true?
It’s not you, it’s him…he is ****** up and he will never acknowledge it, he think that you are one with problems. Leave him ASAP
There is no cure for a narcissist to get better….They want someone who adore them like God but inside, they feel a very low self esteem. Suck people to live with….
2007-09-18 16:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by MC Kwek 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like about the only thing to do is split for about 3 or so months. He learn what he lost and return.
2007-09-18 16:26:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to have to tell you, but I think its time for you to call it quits. It is definitely over. I don't think he loves you any more. You shouldn't have to put up with a disgraceful man. You have done more than enough for him. Its time to think about you and your future. Leave him, he doesn't deserve your love.
2007-09-18 16:41:45 · answer #11 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋