molested at age 10 or 11 by father..why can't I recall eveything?

Question

sometimes i can't even tell if they're still real...or just something my mind created.... =(

but years later my father tried to rape me again....that i can very well remember.

what's wrong with my memory?

@JDM yeah well...my father is dead already...and i guess i never learned to forgive him.

and to you good people who wonder why i want to recall...

it's cus i just wanna be sure i'm not insane or delusional....
i can't be sure if an event is real til i have full recollection of it...
how else can i be sure if my mind isn't playing games on me?
wait no, i really dunno why i even need to recall...
i'm not sure why...it's just i can't help it.

Answer 1

As a victim of molestation myself, I know that I can't remember everything. Your brain is blocking out the worst parts of it. I can only remember a few things really, but at times, I'll get a flash, and then I'll remember.

I guess it's your brain kinda protecting you.

Answer 2

You answered your own question. WHen something so bad happens to you, your brain cannot possily process it without great harm to your "self"...it then tries to protect you from yourself by not remembering. When you are ready to remember, you will remember everything whole and complete, a sudden knowledge of all will come back to you. Best I can tell you is that this "incident " is not at all uncommon and it is a horrible horrible thing that will %*/^ you up for the rest of your life. You grow up and then spend the rest of your life trying to protect the child that you once were and that person that you once were no longer exists. Try to make other things in your life equally or even more important than this "incident" or "incidents", this is not WHO you are it is about SOMETHING that happened to you . You were traumatized, now don't let it be your life, only something that happened in your life. I am not belittling your feelings, I just don't want to see you ruin your life over what this horrible, terrible, stupid man did to you. And although it is hardly talked about, half the people repress it to the point of ignoring it.... & it is very very common, atleast more than you think. It is very common for one sibling to be out spoken about it and for the other to go as far as to deny it ever happened. They may even believe that it never happened. Both parties have been traumatized... they are just dealing with it in differnet ways. You might feel like a fool and that others do not believe you, that is the worst part. Stand up for yourself, let yourself be angry, but do not let it control you or your behaviors. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

Answer 3

i believe you're suffering from dissociative amnesia.

Dissociative amnesia occurs when a person blocks out certain information, usually associated with a stressful or traumatic event, leaving him or her unable to remember important personal information. With this disorder, the degree of memory loss goes beyond normal forgetfulness and includes gaps in memory for long periods of time or of memories involving the traumatic event. although most people say it's the same as simple amnesia, Dissociative amnesia is not the same as simple amnesia, which involves a loss of information from the memory, usually as the result of disease or injury to the brain. With dissociative amnesia, the memories still exist but are deeply buried within the person’s mind and cannot be recalled. However, the memories might resurface on their own or after being triggered by something in the person’s surroundings.

The primary symptom of dissociative amnesia is the sudden inability to remember past experiences or personal information. Some people with this disorder also might appear confused and suffer from depression and/or anxiety.

please do something about it, there must be a psychological intervention done. and for your father, you have the choice. but if i were you, i'll report the case.

Answer 4

Im kinda the same way, except all I remember is taking of my panties ,clothes in public when I was 2-5 and trying to get help from strangers...IF you think about it it makes sense what can a 2 year old tell if they don't know whats right and whats wrong...But I recall it very good. NOW...the older I get the better I remember!!!I was trying to show my vag....a telling strangers that someone was hurting me down there....
Its not bothering me much now..Whats bothering me more is the victim I was when I was 21 years old... I was drugraped by an older guy - its someone in the family not blood related though.I tried to tell someone close in teh family and they laughed at me!!! I guess I can't do much about it now...Except have that intimidated scary feeling everytime I see that person.
Its really hard when someone hurts you in the family - sometimes its impossible to recover because you feel that the one to be blamed is yourself. I wish that I could just disappear for ever from these people and never see them again. I think moving very far away from them would help.

Answer 5

the simplest answer is that fear is blocking u from remembering..and thats cool....its not an adult fear but a childhood fear so its a bit wierd to unblock it....some common ways are psycho therapy ie; laying on the lounge with the shrink, hypno-therapy is a fast way to find out but its also very powerful and can make u a little unstable as u go through it...there are lots of other alternative therapies and some of those are more succesful than mainstream ones some of the time...u have to find the therapy that suits u - a lot of people like to focus on the negative aspects of childhood sexual abuse and they tend to ignore the positive effects of which there are many......adults who have been abused as children are often creative, sensitive, motivated and street wise...they have a deeper understanding of human nature and the more darkness u have seen gives u the potential to see more light...u probably have a lot of great ideas all the time...try and remember that what u are going through is an up & down process and know that this is an issue that you are going to resolve - the question you asked shows u have strength of character...PS forgiveness is extremely powerful...to not forgive somebody only ever hurts the person who is refusing to forgive...try and forgive urself for being too young and too small to protect yourself...this kind of thinking will shed a lot of light on to your situation....good luck!

Answer 6

In my opinion. What happened was that your mind at that age couldn't calculate fast enough the logic behind what was taking place. So instead of trying to calculate over the usual speed of your brains capacity your mind just shut-down and restarted itself, which is also called a black out.

I truly feel for children. Children are very powerful beings. Children are the future. However, I believe that struggle is life. Regardless of how wrong something might be, you still have to pick yourself up and continue on your journey of life.

What happened to your mind is perfectly normal.

Answer 7

The trauma caused your mind to hide the truth from you, like the others' said, when you are ready to deal with it, it will come to light.
I am saddened for you and all who have gone through this craziness.
I know this is not much comfort... but, you can find a strength inside that will help you through this.
The best thing for you to do for yourself is to vow to break the cycle. Do not allow what has been done to you be done to your children when that time comes. Most abusers were abused...not an excuse for them, a reality. So!
I hope that it's a horrible existence for him.I hope that there are constant reminders of what they took away from someone he was supposed to protect.
Bless you, and good luck. peace

Answer 8

Mine began around the age of 2 and continued well into my teens. I blocked out a lot of my childhood because of it. I also felt the need to compensate by trying to be the best at everything, since of course in my mind I had to be a horrible person for this to happen to me. Maybe therapy can help you come to terms with all of this and it can help you remember if this is what you truly desire. For me remembering wasn't important. What therapy did was help me to see I was a victim and was able to heal the child who had been so deeply wronged. Good luck, and I hope you deal with this, because it will continue to affect your life even if it is in small ways.

Answer 9

Sorry for the traumatic experience you had.
I was molested for years by a neighbor man when young,maybe 3-6 yrs of age and I can remember some but not all of the dastardly things he did to me, I think our brains have a way of letting us "forget" traumatic events, maybe not all people but some, I know some can recall everything but I do not either, thank god we can't.
Just try to heal my friend.

Answer 10

Nothings wrong with your memory, it's called repression, and it's exactly what everyone is describing. It's your mind trying to protect itself by burying these thoughts. I would recommend counseling or it could lead to bad life habits such as alcoholism. Good luck!