Why do I keep letting guys play me?

Question

Only the ones I really really like. Other ones, I can turn around and walk away the minute there is crap.

Answer 1

A coworker of mine once told me that people seek the familiar. This is the reason (according to him) that people who where abused usually end up in abusive relationships. Not saying that you where abuse or anything. Just an example. If what he says is true then the reason is that you keep repeating the same type of relationship. You keep falling for the same guy over and over and end up with the same results. Think of it like a hot stove top. Some people don't have to touch it to know it will hurt if you do. Others touch it once and they learn their lesson and never do it again. Others just don't get it. They just don't understand the message. They say things like, well if I touch it at 45 degree angle maybe then ouch!!! well, if I close my eyes then maybe ..ouch!!! etc etc. Same with relationships. I bet that if you really think about it all you are doing is changing the guys name. Change the name change the hair but it is still the same guy. Like the hot stove top the end result is the same.

The second thing is that at the begining of any relationship whether is a new romance or a new dog or friend boundaries are establish. We do this unconciously. We do things and try to get away with it. Everybody does it. It is human nature. It is the job of the other person to establish if ones action are acceptable or not, at least according to them. I think that maybe when the time comes to establish certain rules you just let them get away with it. Because of this they will try it again because in their mind it has already been establish that their actions are ok since the first time it was ok so the second and third it is ok too. You can love a person a lot but at some point you have to set some rules and boundaries that you feel comfortable with. In exchange the other person may posed their own rules and expectations. It is at this point that you both deal and wager to get to a compromise as to what is acceptable and what is not and what you are willing to give and what you will never budge about. Once the rules are agreed upon the deal is set. The person may try at a later time to break the deal or cheat a bit but then they must be reminded. All normal. I don't think you never establish your basic rules. I mean, is not like one day you will sit down and talk over all the dos and don'ts that would be weird. But as they happen or as they come up in conversations then you mention them.

Remember, when a rule is proposed by you the other party has the right to refuse. It is up to you two to decide how much wiggle room you will give or not give. There are such things as deal breakers. The thing is that #1 you have to make clear what the rules are but most importantly you have to enforce the rules.

Answer 2

Because the guys you don't care about... Don't have an emotional control on your heart strings.. You don't care if they like you are not, You could care less what they think about you. You could care less what you wear around them because you are not trying to win them over... Nor leave a lasting impression on them... But the guys that you do like, you do care about what they think about you, they have so much play over your heart strings it is not even funny. You want to win them over, you take forever to get ready when you know they are going to be somewhere.... Because you want to leave the lasting impression on them about what they are missing out on. So it is now up to you not to put so much into guys as you normally would... The less you put into people the less chance you get played. Also try not to crush on a guy so quickly because it is a turn off and scares most guys away... Making them want to use you for whatever... Love is a battlefield there is always going to be a winner and a loser in every situation. Remember to be picky and be strong and not allow anyone to play you... Your better then that!! GOOD LUCK with love..

Answer 3

Most girls let guys play them because they are insecure about themselves. They want to know they are loved, so they go out with a guy trust him to easily, believe him when he says that he loves them, then the guy sleeps with them and leaves. I'm not sure if your idea of playing involves the sex part. But this is what happens most.
My advice, stay clear from guys for a while. Stop sleeping with[if this is the case] with guys in the first month or so. And try to find a guy that doesn't say he loves you in the first week.

Answer 4

Guys are players and if there is someone around they can play and let them get away with it....

You are having some problems with self esteem? Why do you need a guy or guys to spruce up your life? If you are doing it for fun and it isn't hurting you then
it's just age appropriate behavior,unless you are 29. Enjoy it while you can. Growing up is forced on everyone too early as it is.
Good luck!

Answer 5

You're insecure, and attention from guys makes you feel better about yourself, if only for a moment, so you let any player-slimeball who happens to hit on you into your life, free of charge.

Try not to be easy, and the jerky guys won't be attracted. Just the top quality ones. ;)

Answer 6

I hate to admit it, but I know the feeling. With guys that don't do anything for me, I drop them like nothing. But the guys I'm really into? I am totally open to them. That's when I get hurt.

Answer 7

I doubt youre letting them, youre just giving them chances. If they arnt right for you, kick em to the curb, and be glad they showed their true colors.*

Answer 8

That's how it is with me. You start getting so used to being treated that way that you don't know what it feels like to be treated right.

Answer 9

You said it "keep letting" and it IS a conscience choice. If you don't like it, stop it.

Answer 10

Low self-esteem.