Is it the tapirs?

Question

I have found, by diligent research, that most of the world's accidents are caused by massive herds of invisible tapirs (a result of highly successful adaptation and incredible overbreeding) overrunning the world. When the crush of tapirs gets too heavy, they begin bumping into people and objects, causing what most people believe are "accidents".
How can this be controlled?
Any non-violent solutions are welcome.

Answer 1

This explains a great deal. How long has this phenomenon been going on, BTW? I always assumed I was just accident prone and it is with immense relief that I now have a real excuse....the tapirs did it! I will now wear my Tweetybird t-shirt with pride....it states "It's NEVER my fault!" But I digress....how can the tapir movement be controlled you ask? There are two approaches.....population control and confinement. As the tapirs are wild creatures ( invisibility also adds to the complexity of a valid solution ) confinement in anywhere than a vast animal habitat would be not only cruel but would lead to even further overpopulation ( tapirs are shy in their natural state of visibility but when transparent they usually throw off all inhibitions ) so confinement would aggravate the problem over the long run. I say my new and magnificent invention.....an aerosol spray that not only temporarily reveals the beast but renders them infertile for a period of one year would eventually lead to decreases in population while providing us a fighting chance to get the hell out of the way. Unfortunately, my invention is being held up in FDA testing.....seems while it has the above effect on tapirs it has the opposite effect on wildebeasts and NO ONE wants to contemplate the disastrous results That would produce. * SHUDDER* So in the meantime, remain vigilant and bolt everything down.

Answer 2

We must control the ever rising population !
I suggest a TV and a remote control in every bedroom.

Place them on the menu of every fast food restaurant as a diet item- make the servings extra large -no one will suspect .

Hide electronic beepers, set at a frequency that only humans can hear in their nose rings, emitting high frequency fast beeps to warn of an impending "accident"

Sorry about the fast food Idea but they could be humanly euthanized. Just give the spouse a remote control to the TV in the bed room. One of them will take care of there own demise, leaving people guilt free !

I do hope that one or more of these suggestions works,
I keep getting body slammed into walls and tripping over the design in the kitchen floor And I am danged tired of it !!

Answer 3

Hahahahaha.... I wonder how many stupid answers you're going to get.... I love tapirs, they rox my box