The Last Kiss
I held her close and kissed her nape,
Her head lay back over my arm,
My embrace was tight, she wouldn’t escape,
All was quiet there was no alarm.
The night was still and the moon so bright
As we lay in the grass on the bank
The fire shown on her, a beautiful sight,
I had only the good Lord to thank.
I raised her head and touched her lips
With my own in a lingering kiss.
I caressed her cool cheek with my fingertips,
There would never be a moment like this.
I lifted her up and cradled her weight,
My thoughts were but of her love,
The side beached car had sealed her fate,
As the flames danced on the road above.
-by Dennis Sheron
2007-09-18 13:00:25 · 14 answers · asked by Kekionga 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Dennis, all I can think of is your avatar....I'm a chicken hawk, and you're a chicken. Get over here, Dinner!
IMHO, it sounds more like a Shakespearean type short story than a poem. It sounds like there is a lot more to be told of this event, and it is intriguing, I want to know more. At first it sounds so romantic, but then the reality jumps up and it's very shocking.
2007-09-18 14:51:09 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 9⤊ 0⤋
One thing I've heard over and over in my college writing classes regarding poetry is "avoid forced rhyme at all costs!" There are a couple of spots where the lines felt really forced just to complete the end rhyme. I love end rhyme as much as the next (take Longfellow for example), but you don't want to sacrifice the overall quality of the poem with cheesy lines. You have a powerful scene going on. Maybe for fun, play around with it and don't worry so much about the rhyme...and try to make the scene more intense. Good luck!! :)
2007-09-18 14:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by bowtiebobby21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was a beautiful poem until I got to the 'side beached car' I was almost expecting 'whale' sorry. But for
that last little but it was beautiful. Minxy.
2007-09-20 02:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its okay,it expresses how you feel but as for receiving any particualr poetry awards or getting published i would say certainly not!!it lacks originality or creativity.alot of the people on here don't understand poetry either and say its amazing when its not,im not trying to bring you down but its good but not anywhere near a sylvia plath or keats
2007-09-19 03:24:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sound like to me you are or have been inloce the poem is realy good you shaould g to poety.com and post it free and they will copy rite it to your name also i have some on there my self but yes this sounds like the memorie of a moment in time youd like to live over and over again i cant say if its lost love ore what but only love can inspire you to rite like that and i say continue to do so
2007-09-18 13:34:36 · answer #5 · answered by poeticman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One more Unfortunate,
Weary of breath,
Rashly importunate,
Gone to her death !
Take her up tenderly,
Lift her with care ;
Fashioned so slenderly,
Young and so fair !
Look at her garments
Clinging like cerements ;
Whilst the wave constantly
Drips from her clothing ;
Take her up instantly,
Loving, not loathing.-
Touch her not scornfully ;
Think of her mournfully,
Gently and humanly ;
Not of the stains of her,
All that remains of her
Now is pure womanly.
2007-09-20 10:16:10 · answer #6 · answered by Room_101 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love your poem! it's beautiful, and it never stops flowing. I couldn't find a single slow, choppy, or rough part. You did an amazing job!
2007-09-18 13:12:59 · answer #7 · answered by Girl In Green 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, avoid poetry.com. Some people need to do a little research before they encourage others to get scammed.
2007-09-18 13:12:20 · answer #8 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awwl...I think it's really sweet. I would die if somebody wrote something so beautiful for me. If you wrote this for a certain girl, you should definately give it to her or let her read it.
2007-09-18 13:14:04 · answer #9 · answered by Megan H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is a side beached car and how could it seal her fate?
2007-09-19 06:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋