Men only answer this. How do you handle this?

Question

I have lost a few jobs because of my health conditions, but anytime I feel upset and sad I can't talk to my husband about this because he starts harping on the fact that it was my fault and that I am hopeless. The first job that I lost was because I required surgery and two and a half weeks down time due to complications. When I got back and started working that first day they told me I was terminated but gave me the chance to resign instead. I am a hard worker and I trully care for the clients of my employer at times I have gotten on the nerves of my coworkers because I work hard and I don't laze around. All my husband sees is failure and when I am crying and hurting from these failures and have tried to go to him he reiterates that it was my fault and that I haven't accomplished anything in my life. I already feel this way and I don't need this reinforced. I have no where to go and no one to talk to. Is this a typical response that you would have with your wife or siblings?

In regards to my resignation, my job performance was not the best because I was physically weakend by chronic infections in my tonsils and inability to breath well while sleeping at night. The minute I had my tonsillectomy I was sleeping and performing better than ever. I was able to focus more and work faster but I was never given that chance by that employer who did not even like me taking off of work to have the surgery that improved my life significantly. As for the other health issues, I have three herniated and inflamed discs but have little options for my age which have caused me to resign from some customer service jobs because they were very hard on my back.

Thank you. Most of your answers are making me feel better.

Answer 1

sorry i will be to the point. He is bringing u down on purpose to hurt u (why) they must of done it to him growing up this does not mean he don't love u you re gonna have to be smarter and look at your situation 4 what it is. surgery not by choice but you get back up and work hard to go up a company ladder no matter how many times u fall means u got heart and smart-es other people would give up and go into deep depression. your making something become positive out of a bad deck of cards good luck and stay strong

Answer 2

No, this is not a typical response from a man but from some-one who seems to have an inferiority complex and perhaps feels inadequate.
Assuming all you say is correct, I don't see that an Employer would be allowed to dismiss you on health grounds unless there has been a history of this behaviour. Have a look at yourself in this regard.
Some are unfortunate to be ill more than others but in this regard, be positive about your health.
If you think you are always unwell, then you will be, this is a fact.
Your Husband's remarks to you about being "useless and at fault" is a form of emotional and verbal abuse and will result in lowering your self esteem.
Be aware of this and prepare yourself mentally, against it.
My initial reaction would be to advise you to move on and out of his life, find a new job and get back on track.
You are a sensitive person who will be taken advantage of, either at work, or in your social life, but some-one who deserves better treatment than you have received.
Having said "leave him", consider how long you have been married.
The first year or two of a marriage can be extremely gratifying or difficult, as you each adjust to a new situation of inter dependence and mutual respect, a period of adjustment.
If you are in this difficult stage, consider if your marriage is worth saving and worth the effort. If so, try to communicate more effectively with your Husband, and seek the services of a marriage guidance counsellor, by yourself initially and he may join you a bit later if he can see the benefits.
It is quite common among men, to show anger, or even aggression towards their Wife when she is ill.
This is because they do love their Wife and are concerned for her health and welfare. Unfortunately, they do not have the compassion to show this an act accordingly.
Therefore, these feelings are suppressed as being a sign of weakness, and unfortunately, the Wife gets the rough end of the stick.
Consider if this may be the case and give him a bit of leeway if so.
You are not useless or a failure so don't think that you are.
You just need a little guidance and re-assurance before you'll be on your way, but if necesary, don't be afraid to go it alone.
The path may be more difficult but the rewards are greater.

Answer 3

I am a male replica of you at this very moment. I was given the opportunity by my job to resign last week also due to being sick for three weeks. My whole family and friends are on my case since, sending SMS messages "Did you get a job yet?" and so on. It nearly drove me mental all week but then I got mad on everyone and told them to mind there own business. Remember that you are not useless, you have had jobs before and will have them again. I am treating this as another adventure and am looking forward to what I will be working at next. Sometimes people give out because it makes them feel like they are more sensible than they actually are. They are not failures. They are Just another raindrop in a cloud called life! Happy Job Hunting!!!

Answer 4

Unless you have a work relations agreement that states if you get sick and have a certain period of time off due to this sickness then your emplyment will become null and void I dont understand how your losing job's.

You stated when you returned to work they gave you the choice to either take being terminated or resign ?, Why would they give you the choice ? if they wanted you gone because they found your work inadequate to lead to a resignation , why give the option to choose unless it costs them less by you just resigning ,

I think there's a lot more to this then your revealing but just based on your words it seem's ridiculous to be losing your job/s especially considering you say you used to upset your co-workers because you werent lazy and you actually worked your butt off while working , if this was the case I would think the employer's would sack your lazy co-workers and keep you not the other way around.Thats just an insane way of seeing things for me.

As for the husband issue , he's male , they dont like being confronted with a female crying and having to solve problems for them nor do they like discussing problems / issue's that dont revolve around their own work loads, so expecting him to be supportive is a nice dream but not all men are capable of it despite what the other male answer's have stated I think 3 or 4 of them were just saying they'd be more supportive to win points my OP there.

Anyway just pick yourself up go find a job you can enjoy and show your husband your on the right road to recovery and build your self esteem back up by being the best employee the companies have on their paypacket's and maybe your husband's view's will change and he might surprise you by becoming the emotionally supportive husband you want.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

If your husband was a loving and considerate
husband then he would tell you that you do not
have to work as he should be taking care of you
because of your health problems. He should be
supportive of you and your health problems and
try and boost your feelings to be a happy one.
What you need to do is re-cooperate fully and
then maybe try and find a part-time job if you want
to. Talk to your husband and show him this re-
sponse to let him know that there are other
husbands out there that love their wives no matter
for better or worse. If he still is the way he is you
do not need someone in your life that has no
consideration and you have to take control of your
life at some time or another. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think your husband feels the same frustration that you do about the job situation. As the problem solver that most men are (or at least would like to be), he wants to find a solution and the only thing he may be able to control in this situation is you. So his frustration is directed as anger towards you, though misguided, he is trying to help. Just keep trying, get a new job, and kick butt at it.

Remember, keeping and doing well at jobs is not always about how hard you work. Whether you like it or not, Office politics always play a roll. You do not want to be the new, annoying person. Getting everyone to like you (especially your boss) can play an even bigger role than the work you produce.

Answer 7

I know you wanted men to answer, but i'm gunna any way.

My husband would NEVER say that to me. How dare he? He is lucky that he has someone who wants to go out and work and contribute to the household. It's NOT your fault that you get sick. As if ANYONE would want to have operations. This man needs some counselling.

I quit my job only a few weeks ago, because I was unhappy there, I don't have a new job or anything, I just stopped working. My husband tells me he just wants me to be happy. He is perfectly happy for me to be a 'lady of leisure' if that's what I want to do. He is the man, he brings home the paycheck. And why shouldn't it be that way? I do the housework, cook, and push out babies (hopefully). I take care of his emotional and physical needs. And I have never professed to be a woman's lib. girl. Did you see me burning my bra? No. It's great that we have the option to work, but it sucks that it's becomming women HAVE to work.

No matter what you're sad about, your husband should be there to comfort you. When I cry because we're out of icecream or something stupid like that, he'll cuddle me, and ask me if he should go get some. Or if I'm grumpy and I yell at him for stacking the eggs wrong in the fridge, and then cry cause I yelled at him, he'll cuddle me, and always always be gentle with my feelings.

Answer 8

With only the info I have-No it would not be a typical way of handling your needs,and I might say if your company dropped you only for the reason you gave you can take swift and successful legal action against them-doesn't take a big time attorney to put the fear of the Federal law in their hearts.
I would suggest a battered womens counseling center-battering comes in more forms than meet the eye.
Or perhaps some other local womens group look beyond the net.
Also you may want to speak to your Rabi,Minister,etc.

Answer 9

It's not how I personally would be, but people in general are progressively getting more and more distant from where we used to be as a whole. The way he is acting, I would say is how most people would be, despite the fact that no one would be that way "on purpose". He possibly does not know a different way to be. He needs to be reminded what "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health" actually mean. Worse and sickness are the descriptive words for your situation, and he has vowed to stand by you through them.

Now here's the tricky part... you can't be the one to point that out to him because it may come off as nagging and he will ignore it! Try to get a friend or family member that he trusts to put that thought in his head.

Answer 10

He sees you as a weak person. As a man I have to ask, why didn't you fight being fired? Maybe he's seeing you as needing a good kick in the pants more then needing a shoulder to cry on. It's called tough love. But having said that I'll say this.......he's an ***. Not sure you'll change that. I would never talk to my wife or kids like that. I'm more a positive reinforcement kind of person.