This summer my kids went to visit their father. My kids often slept in the living room because they didn't like sharing bedrooms with their three step sisters.
One night while sleeping on the couch my 12 yr old daughter got up to use the bathroom only to witness her father masturbating to internet porn. She was so scared and snuck out of the room. Her Dad didn't see her because he was "busy" doing other things.
I am currently filing for full custody because of this issue and many others. Has anyone ever dealt with an issue like this before? Why would a father risk exposing his children to himself masturbating and to pornography?
My daughter is devastated and never wants to see him again. Thats fine with me but I'm also worried about my son's being exposed to this behavior at such a young age. Any advice?
2007-09-18 11:55:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was masturbating and viewing porn only 10 ft away from his children.
2007-09-18 11:58:17 · update #1
That is WITHOUT A DOUBT child abuse and child endangerment. I would report it to CPS and have them open an investigation. That man has THREE step-sisters, young ladies who are not related to him, living in the home.
Porn in and of itself is quite common for many men, and I am not judging that in and of itself, but watching it with such indiscretion and exposing himself etc. in a common area of the household completely stuns me. If you don't report it to CPS for your own children, do it for those three girls.
2007-09-18 13:05:01 · answer #1 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
WoW !
Well at least he wasn't shagging his g/f in the same room !! :)
I would most certainly bring this up at the custody hearing. Better yet - let your daughter be the one to bring it to the judge. Then it will seem less likely that YOU brought up the idea.
While I will staunchly support the right for a grown adult to view porn in their own home - they also have a HUGE responsibility to insure they do NOT inadvertantly "expose" their children or the children of others to the material.
I don't understand his "need" to do this while his kids are in the same room ?!?!?!? WTF ? I would say its grounds for child endangerment at the very least and maybe its even child abuse.
Geeesh - can't he just go into hs OWN bedroom, lock the door and do it with a nice nudie mag or something ?!?!
He should really know better and should be held accountable on this.
2007-09-18 12:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by aa889d 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can not imagine how a father could do this in the same room as a child even if they are asleep I could give you 2 sides of advice but in the end the choice would still be your's and I dont know what your custody laws are like where you are , so just from my own point of view.
He thought they were asleep and obviously had no idea the daughter woke up and witnessed it ( I dont know the shape or style of his room they slept in for him to not be able to see her ) and while it was wrong to do it he is still their dad I would suggest speaking to your ex husband explain that your daughter did witness it and how it has effected her emotionally and made her not want to come back if he is half the father he should be , then he should be willing to come and speak to the daughter with you and try to sort it out so that amicable agreements can be made os he can continue to keep his visitations please dont rush into a decision out of disgust and anger this is your children's life time relationship with their father and if he's done the rest of his parenting the correct way it is wrong to punish him or your children by taking them away from ever seeing them on a free non argumentative environment , believe me I know your angry but he is their dad.Dont put your hurt and anger if there is any from your divorce and his subsequent marriage to a new woman and maintaining a new family , you never project your own oppinion or thought or pain on your children and if you were just waiting for him to stuff up and he opened the door think long and hard 1stly is all I'm trying to say this doesnt just effect you , your sons were asleep they didnt see it ? only your daughter so imagine the confusion pain and anger those boys will feel ?
On the other side of the coin , if he has mucked up before not put their emotions first , put his step family above them or hurt his own kid's in a way that he isnt showing any respect then this is just the next step up isnt it ? , where was his wife in bed I take it? , if you ring him and he gets abusive and doesnt want to discuss it with you and try to help your daughter through the scene she witnessed then by all means go to court and apply for full custody and limit his access to them because no child need's to be witness to any kind of pornography even if the child didnt see the screen seeing her father can do enough damage as she become's an adult to hurt any relationship with any man she meets.
So flip the coin , pick a side and decide from there but think of the long term effects , pain , anguish your children will feel for a life time if forced to not have the relationship with their father they deserve, communication may not have been your biggest points in your marriage but they have to be your top priority now your seperated because the kids are hurting already over daddy leaving and re-marrying.
And remember how you reacted to this when your daughter told you would also escalate in her feelings over it because she would have thought she'd done something wrong so speak to her and make sure she's ok.
Good luck.
2007-09-18 12:16:59 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
First of all this is know way for grown man to act in front of children even though they were asleep he had know way of knowing they would wake up.
if you don't want your children around this man you have every right plus he has other issues why even allow your children to spend the night at his home. I wouldn't worry so much if they are old enough sit down and have a talk with them about this strange behavior.
best of luck
2007-09-18 13:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is only one answer here, and that is if your ex couldn't control his desire for porn for the short time that his kids were visiting, then I wouldn't let them go there again, unless he could provide a far better environment for them.
To his credit he probably believed that they wouldn't "see" him do it. But as a responsible parent, he should have not done it at all when the kids were in the same room even if he believed that they were asleep.
2007-09-18 12:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree to disagree with this situation and I am female. It cant be abuse because he didn't intentionally want anyone to see him. He chose the wrong place to yank the dog. You need to make sure he knows he was caught by your daughter, and let him know his feelings. Also you need to talk with your kids about what they saw, and not make Dad out as an evil pervert. He didn't have bad intentions, but should had thought before doing that. Alot of peoples bedrooms are only ten feet away so should you not be able to masterbate because of kids. He wasn't asking them to watch, he wasn't doing it while they was having a family movie. IT WAS A MISTAKE! Let him know how you feel and your daughter feels. He is not a bad Dad because a simple mistake, and whatever you do don't speak bad of him in front of your kids. They learn those things without your help. Also unless he is harming them in an intentional way don't keep the kids from him he is the Dad.
2007-09-18 13:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by bigjuggies79 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋
Yes file for full custody and ask the court to grant supervised visitation with the father untill he can prove that he will nolonger subject his children to that sort of thing. have your attorny ask the Judge to speak with your daughter about the matter and let her tell the Judge that she dosent want to se him anymore. Good luck
2007-09-18 18:54:02 · answer #7 · answered by sunshine 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry your ex is such an unthinking idiot. he probably didn't think about what would happen if one of them woke up. I can't even think of a word to describe what a boob he is. I don't blame your daughter either. EEW.
2007-09-18 12:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
He screwed up and was tasteless BUT he is human.He had no intentions on your kids seeing it.It is not child molestation nor is it grounds for you to take his kids from him. It is no different than walking in on your parents when you were a kid or your kids walking in on you while you are changing or showering for christs sake.
Anyone who wishes to say that walking in on parents is any different then I ask you why their door was not locked? Are they child molesters since they allowed you to accidently see them going at it?
2007-09-18 14:18:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Protect your kids and you are doing the right thing with the full custody thing.
2007-09-18 12:12:23 · answer #10 · answered by 4 Ever A Hustlers Wife!!!!!!!!! 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋