to be maintained if he or she takes a secret lover? How important is the part about 'cheating' (REALLY)?
2007-09-18 11:27:04 · 32 answers · asked by captbullshot 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's funny as I read the answers here and to other questions. Everyone seems to equate sex as being the significant part of the marriage.
Analogy: A stereotype I admit, but a man watches football with the guys every Saturday afternoon. The wife has no interest in it, so she understands that it's something he does with them. So relate that to sex. I'm sure most of you would be shocked to make the comparison, but it just shows what kind of importance you give sex in your marriage and in your lives. And yet you're some of the same people who say it has to be built on love, not on sexual attraction.
Maybe the way you reconcile that for yourselves is to admit that you have no sexual attraction for your lover.
Sex does not equal love. Love does not equal sex. I have never had sex with my True Love. It's possible that I never will. It doesn't mean that I love her any less. It's just not the way things were meant to be, as far as I can see.
I know I didn't answer the question. What I wanted to point out is the insecurity and jealousy that most married people have that causes them to define cheating as anything they want from their lover, which their lover shares with someone else. And this something can be sex or kisses or a dinner or a secret or a dream or something funny that happened at work that day or what topping you had on your pizza at lunch.
Think I sound silly? "You always tell her what kind of pizza you had!" is the kind of stuff that ruins marriages.
2007-09-18 19:02:08 · answer #1 · answered by The Babe is Armed! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'cheating' or taking a secret lover totally undermines everything and anything that contributed to the happy marriage, there is no such thing as a happy marriage in which one partner is lacking enough to seek attention and physical love from another.
2007-09-18 11:39:05 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only if you both choose to see other people but if not you are cheating on your wife an that's not right at all because you both made a promise so you need to think long an hard about what you are doing OK an be careful so no one gets hurt.
2007-09-18 11:46:54 · answer #3 · answered by C.S. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is really happy, there is no need for a "secret lover."
2007-09-18 11:31:09 · answer #4 · answered by Yogi 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think it's OK not by any stretch of the imagination!
It is hugely important. With out trust a relationship is nothing, having a SECRET lover suggests no trust at all. And any trust you have will be stripped from the relationship when the other partner finds out.
Polyamory should be a choice for BOTH partners. If either half of a couple want another lover this should be discussed and agreed on by the couple not taken upon by his or her self with out agreement and each partner should respect the others views, feelings and wishes.
2007-09-19 05:09:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is truly happy and secure, then why the secrecy? It's ok to discuss an open relationship if the two people feel it might be an option - but secrecy is not a healthy thing.
2007-09-18 11:42:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just how happy can this marriage be if you need to have a lover on the side? Apparently something is missing, or you wouldn't even consider it.
2007-09-18 11:33:05 · answer #7 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is the kiss of death for most marriages. I think the marriage is already in trouble before someone starts cheating.
It's usually just a matter of time, before the divorce.
2007-09-18 11:40:47 · answer #8 · answered by Mover50 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess this is about clear conscience. If someone's cheated on you, it is conventional that you'd feel shite. On the other hand if you do it, you know that yo're doing the wrong thing. The bottom like is if there is more to life that's passin you by why not make the partner aware of it, maybe have a loved with his/her consent, and if not, who said you can't try to do things with yoyur partner that you woudl have done to someone else?
2007-09-18 11:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by shortnotsilly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignorance is bliss. Problem is, ignorance doesn't last. One way or another, the spouse will find out the secret EVERY time. Better to make your needs known and be honest about the fact that if your needs aren't met you are going to be tempted to stray. Better yet, just accept the fact that humans aren't meant to be monogamous and have an open marriage.
2007-09-18 11:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by meagain 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋