2007-09-18 10:34:26 · 15 answers · asked by Granny 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
This is the Senior Sex Guide.
Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.
Set timer for 10 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Don't even think about trying it twice.
2007-09-18 11:14:22 · answer #1 · answered by Wet Doggie 5 · 8⤊ 0⤋
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect
2007-09-18 12:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by Susie Q 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep! My Dad was a pastor/minister of a church. When there would be baptisms, he would often have my sister and me to walk next door and start the water for the baptistry. Not a good idea!
My dad died when I was 16 and he never knew that all those times we filled the baptistry....we also went swimming before he got home! Man, he would have whipped us both had he ever found out!
We actually would dive from the choir loft into the water! Then, we had the job of drying all the pews as that would have been a give away for sure! lol
2007-09-18 11:12:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Granny,tell me what you are doing right at the moment. If nothing please do something to put you in a proper mood to hear my joke, say take some knitting. Then even if you might have heard this joke a hundred times over from others and even from me and the others in the room are brining down the roof with their laughter I am assured you would not strangle me (as you would have perhaps heard it from me earlier a million times)
Authority- Mrs. Bernard Shaw.He was the dramatist who claimed to be superior to Shakespeare.
2007-09-18 12:40:12 · answer #4 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know those Nyquil commercials where they say “You will sleep better than………”?
Well the new one is really funny.
The couple is sitting on the bed at night like usual. The lady is trying to tell him he will sleep better than…. But can’t get the sentence out because there is a rooster in the window crowing. Now keep in mind it is night time.
She goes thru that a couple times till the rooster falls off the window. Then she says “You’ll sleep better than before the rooster went blind.”
2007-09-18 10:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here are 7 things you'll never hear a man say:
I’d rather go shopping with you than watch the big football game.
I’ve got no idea how to fix the central heating.
Isn’t Valentine’s Day so romantic.
Does my butt look big in this.
Let’s spend the whole evening talking just about us.
I don’t want sex – can you just hold me and tell me you care.
Tell me all about your day. Then I’ll tell you all about mine.
2007-09-18 11:45:21 · answer #6 · answered by Gladys 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok Granny. Don't blame me for this cos you did ask.
The governments symbol should be changed to a condom.
It stands up to inflation, halts production and gives you a false sense of protection while it's actually screwing you! lol x
2007-09-18 11:06:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
This beautiful young lady is strolling down a forest path, out hops a frog, she starts to walk by and he says wait, wait, if you kiss me I'll turn into a handsome prince. She picks him up -- puts him in her coat pocket and keeps going--mr frog says, hey where's my kiss---she picked him out of her pocket and said---Sorry, I'de rather have a talking frog.
2007-09-18 11:25:36 · answer #8 · answered by lilabner 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Senior new large type alphabet soup.
Support bingo keeps grandma off the street
Be nice to your kids for they will choose your nursing home.
Hows that!
2007-09-18 12:06:51 · answer #9 · answered by plyjanney 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That entertainers are actually intelligent persons that work very hard and have accepted minium wage. Because they are a value able necessity to society.
2007-09-18 14:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋