Am I controlling my wife?

Question

My wife is a fairly attractive woman - she's 22. I'm 23. We have 2 boys, 5 yrs & 20 months. We are going out to this club this weekend for her bday & she is excited and all. The thing is, she wants to wear provocative clothing, such as she has this dress that ties at her neck and shows all her back. I think it's inappropriate as most guys would drool over her & plus I think she should respect me and not look like an easy tag. If she were to wear something more conservative, I wouldn't have a problem. But I think she thirsts for the attention & I don't like it. I did let her wear something similiar like this awhile back - I had a problem with it but I didn't tell her anything, as I didn't want to seem over protective.

Do you think I have a right to have some limits with my wife or am I over analyzing this?

Answer 1

You have no right telling your Wife what to wear...seriously mate, instead of getting all wound up and paranoid that other blokes might be looking at her, be proud..she married you.
As a rule, we married women actually like to dress up a little sexy....to remind our Husbands why they married us in the first place!!!!

Lack of confidence is a very unattractive trait in a man.

Answer 2

you definitely have a right to express your opinion and if it is within reason she should respect it. You were not out of line or over protective. Different people have different point of view. Some men find it very turning on if they wife dress up provocative and is an easy tag. Some like you don't like it at all. Same is true for women, some women find it sexy dressing a bit provocative and some don't.

I really don't know you or your wife,but here is my analysis based upon the information in your post. Your oldest boy is 5, that means she was pregnant at the age of 18 and I am guessing you were have been married for 5 years. You both have been together forever....

The point is, while some women your wife's age where out partying, having a blast and getting attention from other men, she was pregnant, having a child, nursing the child and then busying taking care of the kids, she missed on the fun being a wife and a mother. The only man she knows is you. You may not feel the same way, but we all are different people.

So she likes to dress up sexy, it makes her feel good attracting attention, which she did not get when she could have. I guess you get the message. Once in a while there is no harm in letting her hair down when she is with you and be proud of her, she is married to you. Now I would not let her go out without you dressed up like that.

Answer 3

Yes that would be controlling behaviour. Your wife is her own person, she's a big girl & knows how to handle herself.
If she's feels sexy in the clothes she wears then she WILL be sexy, & guess who she's planning on going home with!

It also sounds to me like you have some issues with your self-esteem. You want your wife to be less provocative because there's a niggling feeling deep down inside, that she just might take up with another man if she gets noticed by too many of them. That notion is actually very disrespectful of your wife, that you would think that she is so untrustworthy.
You said you think that it's inappropriate, why? She's going to a club with you, not a parent/teachers meeting. A sexy outfit is expected to be worn by a woman going to a night club.
If you are attentive to her, & a proper escort for her then there is no way that she is going to appear like "an easy tag". Again, so disrespectful of you to think that way of her man.

There's nothing sexier than a slender 22yo woman in a backless dress out on the town. Just remember, she's with you & she won't forget it as long as you can keep your jealous side under control. Be proud of your beautiful sexy wife, show her off, SHE'LL LOVE IT.

If you can't do that, then you have some serious trust & self-esteem issues to work on.
Have fun, & wish your wife a Happy Birthday for me. ;-)

Answer 4

Gee? Where to start....
If guys are drooling over your wife, then count yourself fortunate that you have an attractive spouse! They won't just be looking at her, you now. They'll be looking at you too, green with envy! As far as the dress, I bet it's a lot less revealing than a swim suit! Dressing sexy does NOT make a woman an easy tag! Shame on you. Have a little respect for your own wife! It's not like she's not going to be with YOU that night! If she's thirsting for attention, then you're obviously not giving her enough! Man up and give her what she needs!
And as for your comment about "letting" her wear something similar a while back...who the hell are YOU to LET her wear something?! She has a brain and knows how to dress herself! She's 22 for goodness sake! In answer to your question, YES!!!!!! Yes, you ARE controlling! If you remain this way, in a few years, you won't have to worry about what your wife wears, because she'll be some other man's wife, not yours! If you love her, try to put aside your (seemingly) unreasonable jealousy. She's a woman and women like to feel beautiful. Let her have her night out, it's her birthday! Do you have a "right" to have some limits with your wife? That question has the stench of a sexist remark. Be happy she's put up with your bullying for so long!

Answer 5

You 'let' her wear something similar? You don't 'let' her do anything because she's not your child. As for the dress, I can see how you would be uncomfortable with that kind of outfit. All you can do is explain how you feel and hope that she'll respect your feelings. If she doesn't then just let it go. Unless she's flirting and dancing with guys and letting them buy her drinks and stuff, just showing off the goods may be as much for you as it is for her. She got pregnant young and is trying to regain some of the fun she's losing by being such a young wife and mom. If you dont' let her express herself (without going over the line of course), then she'll grow to resent you and may wind up trying to relive her youth at 30 or 40 years old. If you squeeze tight enough, she'll eventually struggle to break free.

Answer 6

in all honesty - yes you are controlling her if you tell her how she should dress - it would be unreasonable if she was going out in her underwear or making passes at other guys but she isnt - at the the end of the day if guys drool at her thats your bonus - shes going home with you - your married to her - it should be a compliment to you that other guys find her attractive - leave you insecurites at the back door - you'll end up ruining her night if you start pandering to her and giving her the vibes.. she'll also feel good about herself that she is still attractive (esp after having babies) and you two can share that together -

if this issue is bothering you then what else is waiting to boil over around the corner -

i get alot of male attention when i go out - my hubby loves the fact that these guys cant have what he has got and i am just me being happy and joking around...i wouldnt cross the line at any further than sharing a joke or giving the guys a brush off....its all about trust and eventually that comes in time -

let her enjoy her night and dont end it in an arguement over some guys looking at her - this moment will stick with her...be the bigger man and show her just how much you love her and WANT her to enjoy her night, compromise your insecurites and stand-tall and have a great night yourself.

if you start to control her eventually she will resent you -and will go against you

Answer 7

The main thing is: Do you trust your wife? There is no reason to limit what she can and cannot wear like she's a 15 year old if you truly trust her. Yeah, guys might drool over her but YOU'LL be there. Doesn't that make you proud? To know that guys might think your wife, who loves YOU, is sexy? When there is security in a r'ship, there's no need to control.

Keep in mind that from what you said, your wife started having babies at the YOUNG age of 17! So, she never really got to have the traditional college years of being wild and letting her hair down. If this is what she wants for her b'day, then that's fine. I think for one night you can make her feel like the sexiest woman alive....not the mother of 2 kids. Women get so tired of being needed, being dowdy all the time, being covered in baby goo.....sometimes, it's good to just go out and feel like a beautiful, sexy woman...and it sounds like that's exactly what your wife is asking for.

So, honey....you take her out....show her off....make her feel gorgeous and alive - that's the best b'day gift you could ever give to her.

Answer 8

I think that you are forgetting that she is only 22 years old and you are only 23. You have 2 children already, one of whom is 5 years old which means your wife got pregnant when she was 16 going on 17. When was she or you for that matter supposed to enjoy being a teenager, going out with friends, dressing up and just plain growing up?
You are two babies yourselves and you have taken on the biggest responsibility there is raising children. You both need to have the occasional outing to enjoy your youth.
You are entitled to have an opinion about your wife's outfit but she is not yours to control. Tell us honestly, I'm sure you do your share of admiring other attractive women. That doesn't mean that you act on it. It just means you are human as we all are. Both sexes admire each other and continue to do so after marriage. Anyone who does not admit this, is deluding themselves.
Go out and have a good time!

Answer 9

Well, your wife is still very young and obviously likes to look and feel attractive to other men - it does not mean that she is easy or wants to run off with anyone else - but its quite nice for her to give you a nudge and let you know she is popular despite being a busy mum! I think that too many women assume that showing off lots of flesh makes them look attractive whereas I have to agree with you, it makes them look cheap. I think you might suggest you take her shopping and then give her lots of compliments when she is wearing something a little less revealling but sexy all the same. I actually don't agree you have unlimited rights to tell her what to wear but you both need to be aware of your own ground rules. How would she feel if you went out in your 'lucky pants' or something! Its going to be the way you say it, not what you say so be diplomatic! Good luck.

Answer 10

Just cos she is a mum and a wife, doesn't mean she has to dress frumpy, she is still young and attractive so you should be proud to show her off as your wife. You are going to be with her on that night, remember, so its not as if she is hiding anything from you. I know you don't want any other bloke looking at her, but she is married to you. If you start getting on her case she may start hating you and could end up ruining her night out. Its not as if she dresses like this all the time. Be a good boy and let a girl dress up on her birthday, she could be doing this for you!!

Answer 11

Yes you are controlling your wife....she is opnly 22 all her other friends are probably enjoying being young and free. Obviously now she is a mum and after having kids she probably feels a little more insecure about herself and sometimes its nice for a woman to get some attention through dressing like this...just so she can get male atention and remind herself that she is attractive. Its no slight on you...its just she needs her confidence boosting and to feel like a 'real' individual again and not just a mummy. I bet you wouldn't have minded if she had wore that before you met, I bet you would have been the first to notice and fancy her...so stop worrying she chose you, she loves you but she just needs one night of feeling like she used to ... relax