your best joke?

Question

whats your best joke?

Answer 1

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

Answer 2

My best joke comes from real life....in a bar one night my boyfriend and I ran into my ex husband....

Ex : So, how do you like that used pu$$y?
Boyfriend: Not to bad once you get past the used part!

Answer 3

I was standing at a urinal, relieving myself, when a big mouthed showoff came in and stepped up to the urinal next to me.
After a couple of seconds he turned to me and bragged, "Wow that water is cold."
Without a moments hesitation I replied, "Yeah and is it ever deep?".

Answer 4

hmmm...my best joke would probably be: 1.
1.ur so ugly that when u were born ur
momma couldn't look at u and gave u away

2. Ur so ugly that when u looked in the mirror the mirror broke

3. those nachos nachos (not urs) it only works if that person is eating nachos

Answer 5

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer, and a mop" peace

Answer 6

The best *short* joke I've heard is...
What's red, bubbling and scratching at a window?
A baby in a microwave

can't be bothered writing the long one

Answer 7

why did the cookie go to the doctor??

because he felt crumby. lol i know its stupid but i love that joke!

Answer 8

Me Sofa King Wee Taw Did.

Say that fast 10 times. ^^^

Answer 9

ok here it is.


Ok so this school is taking a retard to the zoo. They ask him whats that animal? Thats a monkey the retard said. Yeah clap for the retard. Then they asked whats that animal? Thats and elephant the retrad said. Yeah clap for the retard. Then they ask him what that animal with the black and white stripes? umm what is it? (the person says a Zebra) yeah clap for the retard.

Answer 10

They were 2 n the one in the middle fell!!