My friend, Nish, is really metro and talks like a gay guy would but he hasn't disclosed whether he is homosexual or not. We all work in the same work place and there's another guy Nish has been hanging around with a lot. Every time I or another one of my friends tries to talk to Nish, the other guy is always right there next to him. They also have these conversations where none of us have no idea what they're talking about. We're all kind of frustrated because when we're out doing something socially, the 2 of them seem to single themselves out and carry on their own private conversations. We've tried to confront him to let him know that this bothers us but he gets agitated and blows us off. We all support him if he's gay but what can we do to keep the group together?
The other guy is totally welcomed in our group but it just seems like he doesn't like to interact with us....only Nish.
2007-09-18 09:13:33 · 20 answers · asked by bri 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
The other guy claims to be straight! Nish also tells us stories about him having sex frequently with girl friends of his. Hmmm....
2007-09-18 09:15:14 · update #1
I do support him! I just want to know why he's given us the cold shoulder.
2007-09-18 09:20:05 · update #2
Wow, everyone is really taking this question out of proportion! He is a close friend of mine and I don't care if he's gay or not, I support that. He's not just a co-worker, either, we tell each other everything....he just hasn't exposed his sexuality and that's fine!
2007-09-18 09:24:52 · update #3
You'll go crazy trying to stop it if there's something going on between them. It's best to let this take its course. If you do anything that makes him think he has to choose between this guy and the group of friends then he'll either choose you and resent you for the lost opportunity or you'll lose a friend.
edited to add: Look, this isn't really about his being gay (or not) at all and I realize that you know that. This is about you being worried that you're losing your friend either to a potential love interest or even just another friend. My advice still holds, dear. There's nothing you can do to keep this from happening though. If you try to interfere you're only going to push them closer together and farther away from you. It's either a new infatuation or a new friendship. Either way, it's going to take up a lot of his time.
2007-09-18 09:21:09 · answer #1 · answered by Legs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you had a boyfriend/husband/SO who only wanted to hang out with you and not with your office friends, would that be a "deal-breaker"? Not everyone's other half-enjoys the whole group thing, and though they may attend some after-work things just to please you, that doesn't mean they WANT to be there. So maybe that's what's happening with Nish and his new friend. You have no way of knowing, but one thing's for sure...forcing the situation is NOT going to help matters any, believe me.
If you and Nish are such good friends, ask him what's up. If that's a subject he feels is off-limits, I get the impression that he will not be shy when he tells you not to "go there."
No matter how close-knit an office group may be, there are certain relationship-based issues where there IS a line you should never cross...unless that person expresses that they need or want your help.
2007-09-18 09:37:53 · answer #2 · answered by dreamchaser8860 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds kind of like you have a "family" relationship and have one outsider who doesn't know how to be part of a family like this. On the other hand, some people are just kind of loners.
How about telling the two of them kind of what you just told us in front of the whole group? For instance:
"Hey Nish and Nash, why are you always having your own conversations when we're out as a group and not including the rest of us?
If you are afraid we might reject you if you're both gay or bisexual, it's not true. It's not an issue with us.
Nash, are you just shy and don't know how to have something in common with the rest of us? Maybe we can sit down and get to know each other's interests better.
Otherwise, we're going to start thinking you're into drugs or something. Don't make us paranoid, man!"
Then, after that, if they have their own conversations, just walk right up and say, "What are you talking about? I missed it." The rest of the group can do the same.
2007-09-18 09:33:42 · answer #3 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's his life to do with as he pleases. If he doesn't want to socialize with you folks, he probably has good reason. You've made a number of assumptions here in this situation and instead of trying to "fit" the situation to your perceived understanding of it, why don't you just let it be? If you've made it clear that Nish and his friend are free to join you at any time, then they are choosing not to take you up on your offer. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Granted it seems a little rude to go out socially and ignore everyone else but perhaps they have some strong connection (and not even a sexual one) of which you are unaware. I wouldn't be so concerned about it.
2007-09-18 09:23:32 · answer #4 · answered by HMFan 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nish will tell you if he is gay when and if he ever wants to. I'd stay out of it.
As far as him getting agitated when you confront him about he and his friend doing things outside your group that's called normal. We all have groups of friends that we love and a couple more private friends.
The other guy probably has Nish as his "not part of a group of friends" friend.
Respect it, let it be.
2007-09-18 09:21:47 · answer #5 · answered by thefinalresult 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the two of them are a couple and the other guy doesn't feel comfortable with your group, they'll not hang around as much and even less if you push the subject.
Let sleeping dogs lie, and if Nish wants to open up to you, he will.
2007-09-18 09:29:33 · answer #6 · answered by Clint 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look, the best thing to do for you (as his friend) it's to make him feel ok with your group and that the "group" doesn't care if Nish and the other guy are gay. They probably are, but haven't come to terms with themselves.
2007-09-18 09:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel honesty is the best policy. Invite Nish to lunch and simply ask him if he is gay.
There is nothing wrong with that. I have had many friends who are gay, and have opened up to me about it. I was non threatening and positive with them. I think if more people could be honest with themselves and others, friendships would become stronger and lasting, and their wouldn't be anyone feeling left out.
2007-09-18 10:27:43 · answer #8 · answered by Tickledpink 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do no longer say gay homework task, it quite is particularly offensive. How might you like it if I stated "guy, this homework task is so immature teen". Its ok for him to sleep interior an identical mattress as a guy, 2 of my ultimate buds did it with one yet another as quickly as we've been starting to be up. They have been purely good buds, no longer gay. they are the two engaged to ladies human beings suitable now additionally. Him providing you with attitude is an extremely womanly trait nonetheless...
2016-10-09 10:14:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just let him know one day. Not as a group. But, you by yourself. Talk to him let him know that its really bothering you. If he is still doing it. Then maybe you all should just jump in the middle of their conversations. And pull them apart. Whenever they start doing that. Make them socialize with everybody else.
2007-09-18 09:23:52 · answer #10 · answered by Bri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋