why is it that im judged for my decision?!?

Question

ok so ive posted questions in the past stating "my boyfriend". if any of it involved sex, i always get these answers stating

"you must be young since you're not married. dont have sex"

how can anyone ASSUME something like that? no, my boyfriend and i are not officially married. legally, we are. according to the government of canada, he is my husband. we have a child together and have been together for years. he was my first and only, and we're planning on spending the rest of our lives together. you want to know WHY we havent actually gone through with it? because we have aspirations as to what our wedding day will be like and unfortunately, those aspirations may be costly. my father passed away yrs ago and my mom cant afford to pay for our wedding. his parents cant afford it either. why would we put ourselves into a $10000 debt just to have a TITLE, rather than taking that money to further our lives together? we've got a house, 2 cars, and our only debt is our car.

cont..

we DO want to get married someday, but today is not that day. why wait until im 35 to start our lives together (like living together, having a great sex life and an amazing child together) when i can do ALL that now, just without saying we have a marriage licence. i understand that this is important to some, but why cant others respect our decision to have our focus on other things rather than a title?

dimitar- to clear up any confusion - here in canada we have those that are single, those that are married and those that are common law. common law husbands and wives are those that have lived together for a minimum of 1 yr in a relationship or those that live together with a child. so according to the government, hes my common law husband and we pay taxes and receive benefits the same way a married couple.

Answer 1

Look. I know as humans we strive for attention and acceptance. But you should not care what others think about your life.

It is, afterall, YOUR LIFE. You are the person that needs to live with the consequences of your decisions.. so the only opinion that matters is yours.

If you ask for peoples opinions.. that is what you'll get. Some will be good.. some will be nonsense.
Take the good ones... dismiss the bad ones.

You can only FEEL judged .. if you allow the nonsense to get to you.

Who cares what they think??

Answer 2

hey have you ever considered that it may be in your best interest to actually have that title? It is a man's world sorry to say and a sister like you ought to be on the guard all the time. So go to an attorney or whoever does civil marriages in Canada and get yourself a title. The savings you are making for a dream wedding can go into clearing the car loan so that you are not only loan free but also legally secured incase of a fallout in your relationship

Answer 3

Erika,

People, as a rule, are morons. Not me of course.

seriously though, people who are insecure in their lives will feel a need to lecture you about yours, to judge you for your decisions, to condemn you for what they want to classify as lapses of morality.

You need to realize these folks are full of crap and live miserable little lives that are only alleviated by damning others.

Marriage, the formality, fixes nothing. A relationship, as you have indicated you have, is the important thing and although no relationship will progress without issues, a ceremony is not the fix.

Me, I've been married for 17+ years now. We still have all the regular problems and every married couple I know has similar problems. With the divorce rate at 50%+, the marriage ceremony, obviously, is not the answer.

I suggest you tell folks without a reasonalbe answer to pound sand as they are damaged souls looking to feel better by tearing you down.

Answer 4

If YOU are ok with it, what's the problem?
Why get so bent out of shape over what a few people think of a situation when they don't even know you? Think of how many people post on this website every day...now count how many actually answer your questions...subtract from that number the ones who post something positive or in agreement with what you have to say...you are left with a select few who are in disagreement with you...kind of puts it all in perspective, huh? Lighten up. Part of growing up is learning to take the good with the bad and letting things roll off your back.

Answer 5

You know I have been around the block a few times and heard all kinds of situations. It is your life..live it the way you want....it is no one else's business. I have heard of people living together for 10 years and have three or four children, when they finally decided to make it official (on paper) they weren't married too long before they were divorced. If this situation is working for you then forget what other people think. You are living this life not them. Don't worry......Be HAPPY!!!

Answer 6

I believed that marriage could only happen with the ceremony, the paperwork, etc., until I got divorced. THEN, I was lucky enough to fall in love again. I chose to not go through the whole "let's spend money" to make it official crap again. Instead, my "husband" and I exchanged rings, I changed my last name and we refer to eachother as husband and wife. Ours, is a marriage of the heart, not of government paperwork. Be proud of your relationship and ignore those who are too quick to judge!

Answer 7

I'm lost here. Marriage is both religious and civil as far as the goverment and the church see it. Other than that...thats it. nothing more. Wanna live together? Wanna have sex? Wanna have kids? All while you're not married in the eyes of the church and state (which should never be together but they are!). knock yourself out. I for one don't care what you do as long as it makes you happy and keeps the relationship strong.
Have fun and enjoy your lives together. Screw what anyone else snivels on about.

Answer 8

I dont understand why you wanted to post this. to make a point? to somehow make us understand your point of view?

im just confused as to how you came up with 10000 bucks for a wedding. I've known people who've been married for much less and had a gorgeous reception. unless of course you're just considering the huge tax you have to pay to do anything in your country.

People giving you crap about it. go to vegas and get married there. will cost you 300 bucks. enjoy

Answer 9

If you would like to be married but can't afford the wedding of your dreams, opt out for a tiny wedding now and then later when you can afford the wedding of your dreams, reaffirm your wedding vows then...Hope this idea helps.

Answer 10

When you decided to go this route you also accepted the consequences. Part of this is that societal judgement. You cant have everything your way, life doesnt work that way. If you are truly happy with your life, why do you care so much what other ppl think? If, deep in your heart, you know it is better to be in a commited relationship, then you also know how to fix it.