I've been married just short of two years, and my spouse has stopped doing romantic things. This makes me not enjoy the intimacy we have as well. I think I would really enjoy sponge baths, massages, candles and music to set the mood, etc. every now and then (maybe once a month), but he is so busy and tired from work - it doesn't even cross his mind to be romantic. What can I do?
2007-09-18 08:59:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I need to add that I am ususally the one that sets the atmosphere, and that I work too. I need some reciprocity in my camp.
2007-09-18 09:29:38 · update #1
With most men you have to practically hold their hands and guide them to show them what you want romantically.
If you wait around for them to do it on their own.....you may wait forever.
Stop thinking that him not showing more romance equates his love for you......one has nothing to do with the other.
2007-09-18 09:18:41 · answer #1 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can initiate the romance. When he gets home from work have the table set with candles. Serve him a nice dinner with only the candle light and soft music playing in the background. After dinner lead him into the bathroom, light more candles, and start the tub filling. Then slowly undress him. While he is standing there naked you slowly take off your dress showing him that you were wearing nothing beneath it. Turn out the bathroom lights and both of you slide into the warm bath. After that let nature takes it's course. It will be a night you'll both love and remember. He might take the hint and think of something new to try on you. Good Luck!
2007-09-18 16:25:27 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the fantasy world that people have about marriage. The honeymoon is over and life has set in. You need to do things for him that is out of the ordinary and then hope that his work lets up on him so he feels like being romantic. After marriage people start losing the sense of trying to keep a marriage exciting. Making sure there is money comming in for you and him is more important in his mind and he hope that you understand that. Marriage is not 50/50 some times it is 90/10, 10 /90. 60/40 etc. Just be patient and hope work lets up and do some thing special for him.
2007-09-18 16:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, we might have to something totally different and unrelated to get one's attention to do something else. I'm not saying he is but for some men, if you take the initiative, maybe even be a bit aggressive and express how much you crave him, that should get him going.
Since you've just managed to get his attention towards you, you can slowly mould it to your desire. Maybe standup, keep the eye contact and the naughty smile going, and lead him inside your bathroom. If you can plan ahead, prepare the bathtup the way you want - candles, roses, some light music in the background, etc. You'll definitely see him go "wow, that's romantic". If I were him, I would definitely indulge with you in that moment.
Slow things down deliberately when inside the tub. Make him touch you and feel you deep. There are a million things you can do to slow it down to your pace.
The next time around, you might find him ask for it. And a few times later, hopefully, he'll be the one to initiate the romance ;-) Hope this helps darling.
2007-09-18 16:27:16 · answer #4 · answered by this_big_one_is_4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been married almost two years as well. I used to get flowers every month on a surprise day and he used to say romantic things all the time. Not anymore, i dont remember the last time i got flowers lol. I think though that guys just forget becuase they aren't romantic by nature so we cant expect them to know what we want. Everytime they say thanks for dinner or cleaning or doing something for them its there way of trying to make you feel loved and apprechiated if you set up the mood flowers, music ect. then i'm sure he will go for it too and just enjoy it, doesn't matter who set it up as long as you enjoy that time only for eachother.
2007-09-18 16:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my boyfriend. All I can stress to you is communication. My boyfriend wants to do these things for me, he just has some intimacy issues that he is trying to work on. Try to be patient and let him know how much this means to you. Your not asking for much, being romantic once or twice a month is not that hard.
2007-09-18 16:25:07 · answer #6 · answered by Missy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop living in the hollywood fantasy. I know this is harsh, but if you start down that road you will never be happy with your marriage. Remember that Hollywood was created to make lies entertaining, and no matter how much they wish otherwise, life is just not that glamerous. We have to work, we have to sacrifice time to get good things. Instead, count your blessing, look at what he does do. The set up a date night, and tell him about all of the good things you thought about him. It will make you feel better. Good luck, and stay positive!
2007-09-18 16:07:49 · answer #7 · answered by Qyllix 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As others have said, if it's important to you, then YOU should be initiating it. It's the same as saying "I really want a good job. Why won't some great employer call me up and offer me one?" You have to send them your resume, let them know you're interested.
Same rule applies here. Get home before him, light some candles, turn on some Barry White (lol, or whatever you're into), put on something that you know he loves to see you in, and I guarantee he'll start reciprocating.
2007-09-18 16:15:23 · answer #8 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever considered doing any of those things you mentioned for him? Perhaps after a hard day at work he would like a little pampering and relaxation time. Then he might feel like reciprocating. I would think it would be worth a try. Good luck!
2007-09-18 16:06:50 · answer #9 · answered by Merl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would highly suggest that you do some of these things for him. Like when you are doing these for him, just mention to him that you would also love to have these things done for you also. Leave little "love" notes in places that you know he will find them at. If he is so tired from work, then do those little things for him. I bet he will greatly appreciate it and he will remember and you never know, he might surprise you too.
2007-09-18 16:13:03 · answer #10 · answered by twinkies_22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey having been married 4 years now and with the same challenge, I can only say that you have two options; talk talk talk to him perhaps it may have lapsed his mind that romance is part of a marriage secondly try and initiate romance for once and see how he responds....if he is positive, then you may be the one that initiates romance.
You may be lucky or unlucky especially if he is not really a romantic.
Wish you luck
2007-09-18 16:14:11 · answer #11 · answered by lavagal.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋