We have been broken up for 7 months now and I don't know if I should tell her. I think it would be a selfish tjing to do. I know she suspected it. The next day I ended our relationship because I was too ashamed & too weak obviously to commit to her, truly. I believe in being honest, but when it comes to a thing like this... This is about as horrible a thing I could picture myself doing and I did it. Will telling her help at all? I do not want this to happen again. I am afraid that not saying a word is still lying about it in shame. Not owning up to it. What do I do?
2007-09-18 08:57:28 · 75 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
and yes I want her back... but I don't even feel worthy of asking her back now.
2007-09-18 09:05:08 · update #1
The relationship has already broken up, so why bother bringing back all the pain for both of you by telling her. It doesnt serve any purpose at all. Hopefully you will learn by this and end a relationship before cheating with anyone else. You say you dont want it to happen again, well, thats for you to control, not her. It will not help either of you in any way, shape or form. YOU take control of YOUR cheating so that it doesnt happen with the next girlfriend, but dont tell your ex.
2007-09-18 09:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, so the real reason you want to confess is so that you can have another relationship with this girl, is that it?
You're thinking along the lines that you want her back and that this is the only way is to clear your conscience over why you really ended it 7 months ago.
I'm really sorry, but the chances of any woman with any self respect taking you back after admitting something like that are very slim. Of course, she may be incredibly forgiving, and I could be wrong.
Even if she does take you back, the relationship may never be the same as it was before your one night stand with someone else, because it will really hurt her to think that you have been inside another woman. It will cause her to think that there was something wrong with her, and that she wasn't good enough in some way. Most women cannot separate emotional connections from sex and that is where it will get her the most, that it was not only a physical betrayal, but also an emotional one.
At least you had the decency not to go back and forth between the pair of them, living a huge lie.
I think, though, that you have learned a lesson which some people never do. You are ashamed of it, and you want to make sure you never do anything like this again. For that, I commend you.
Good luck.
P.S. As a matter of integrity, if you do intend to continue pursuing her, yes, you must tell her. If you decide not to pursue her, if there is ever an appropriate time when you can tell her, confess and apologise sincerely.
2007-09-18 09:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you ended the relationship, what reason did you give her? Obviously not the truth. You most likely broke her heart and you probably missed out on a wonderful woman. Telling her now would only cause more pain.
However, if someday you two should get back together, you might want to consider telling her. Because the truth always comes out. Even if it's been 20 years, the truth always has a way of surfacing, trust me.
But for now, admit you made a mistake, learn from it and evaluate what kind of person you are now and how you have grown. Use that in your future relationships and in your own personal journey. Good luck!
2007-09-18 09:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by babyblue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was very commandable or the act of a coward!
Even if you thought that she would end it anyway, then all the more reason to come clean.
It's not like you'd have force her hand into staying with you.
But now, will she trust you? Not just not to cheat on her, but to be able to stay and sort things out should anything hard happen in the future.
So, you should still tell her and should you be given a second chance, don't blow it again by acting in a coward way.
2007-09-18 09:21:28 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not married so I wouldn't beat myself up over it too much if I were you. That's the great part about dating. Figuring out how committed you are to a person by confronting situations like this is a part of life.
Learn from your mistake and try not to do it again. Own up to it if it makes you feel better. Leave it alone if it's too much to handle. Make sure you get it right in your head before you start a relationship that leads to marriage. Once you make a wedding vow mistakes like this become a legal matter.
For now you're single. Lighten up already.
2007-09-18 09:10:16 · answer #5 · answered by IveBeenThere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is too late to own up now, you have left it too long. Telling her now will hurt her even more. So the best thing is to move on. If you still love her and you want her back, may be you should get in touch with her and tell her that you want to explain why you finished with her, but there is no guarantee she will take you back, as this may come as a shock and open up healed wounds.
But hey, what have you got to loose if you do not try!
2007-09-18 09:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by soraya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you tell your gf because what if she finds out in the future. Truth is always the best no matter what. Either you tell the truth OR be living with guilt the rest of your life. Sure you may lose a bit of her trust but you should have thought about that before you took actions with another female. Now you suffer the consequences and gain her trust back and don't cheat anymore.
2007-09-18 09:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since it's been 7 months and she has had time to get over it, don't open up the wound by telling her you cheated. It's probably been a difficult road for her just to get over being dumped and being told you weren't faithful would only add salt to that wound that is trying to heal.
I think because you can't get over it, you want to burden her with this which will only make you feel better to get it off your heavy heart and not her. She's worked on moving on so don't make her take a few steps back. YOU need to move on and suffer quietly.
2007-09-18 09:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confession is only good for one person,yourself. If you are still with the girl the of course you should admit it to her,but if your broken up why bother. Your only doing it to make yourself feel better, and hurt the other person, which is kind of selfish. So my advice is dont hurt the girl if your not going out with her,and if as you say she does "suspect it" move on with your life.Its the best for both parties involved brother. Good luck
And I hope you learned your lesson....
2007-09-18 09:06:11 · answer #9 · answered by Luvon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her. You will have a clear conscience, and a clear heart going into your next relationship. Tell her you apologize for any hurt you put her through back then, and if you could take it all back you would. Tell her you wish you had the nerve to tell her way back when, but couldn't come to tell her. She may not be so affected at this point. Good luck
2007-09-18 09:04:38 · answer #10 · answered by mowsermae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋