I fell in love with a man that was adopted and not only that, his adoptive mother was very abusive to him. I am the type of person that loves really deep and I feel his need for love and is so responsive to it. I love to give love and he does too and it is a perfect combination. We have been going together for 3 years, soon to be married. I have never been happier.
2007-09-18 08:45:39 · 27 answers · asked by escapee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think we love each other deeply b/c we have a whole lot of fun together. No matter what we are doing, we are cutting up and lighthearted.
We have other friends and don't have to be around each other all the time. We are not teenagers. Thank You very much...
2007-09-18 08:58:45 · update #1
Thank you all so very much for all of your input! There are so many right answers that it will be hard to choose. But the one answer where he saw how his mother behaved and he knew that he didn't want to be like her is hitting the nail on the head. His adoptive father was very supportive and even guarded the witch from him many times. But he did have to work and he couldn't watch what all went on. He said that he asked his Dad why he wouldn't divorce her, he gave the reason that he couldn't go against his Catholic/Christian beliefs. That did sour him from wanting to be a Christian, therefore he has some unbelief but I do feel that God has brought me into his life to help explain the gospel to him. His father did have the right to divorce that woman. Jesus or God does not expect us to put up with abuse.
2007-09-18 09:13:16 · update #2
I think it completely depends on how he was treated by his adoptive family. Knowing he was adopted has probably always been his saving grace. He knew what his adoptive mother did was wrong, and he knew he was in no way...genetically linked to that behaviour...so he learned how NOT to be like her. Of course, there are a lot of abused people who ARE biological children, who choose not to abuse.
BUT:
Being adopted gave him comfort...just knowing that THAT woman wasn't really part of him. I know this because my sister and I were also adopted and treated badly. Knowing we weren't really related to those people who did such ignorant things, was actually a bit of comfort. Now, he can show someone else the love he was never allowed to show to his mother-figure.
2007-09-18 08:50:42 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know. Many people get abused by biological parents as well.
In general, I think all people need lots of love, support and reassurance. We all need to be needed. I don't know if adoption would increase this particular need. However, I have known specific people who have been adopted that have trust or abandonment issues. But in those two cases the people had really good adoptive parents. They were both using the adoption thing as an emotional crutch, a way to explain away there negative behavior.
Anyhow, good question but I think even the professionals are still debating this one.
But in your case, if your both happy, then I don't see the problem.
2007-09-18 16:00:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not go so far as to say that adopted men need more love. However, it is usually true if men are abused or have had a tough childhood. If they never received the attention they needed while growing up, then they will want it more when they are grown. They also learn to appreciate things more when they have had nothing. The appreciation and the knowing of how happy they can make others makes them want to do these things more and more. They never had a chance growing up, so they will make up for it now.
2007-09-18 15:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think being adopted or having real parents have anything to do with it. I think it's all about the love and support a person receives from the parent figure. If that parent figure can make a child feel whole and worthy with confidence, that child will be fine, no matter if the parents are biological or adoptive.
2007-09-18 15:56:14 · answer #4 · answered by The pink panther 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to burst your bubble but you're very CoDependent! It sounds like you're "loving deeply" so you'll feel important and be "loved deeply" in return. The fact of the matter is you can't change him. You both need to get in a "growth group" or some counseling to work on your issues before you get married. If you don't there'll be a lot of conflict, and disappointments. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but it's the truth.
2007-09-18 15:51:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lover of Blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my bf of 2 yrs was adopted right after he was born.he found out about it at age 12 n have hated everyone since that day. it was so hard 4 him 2 show me love @ 1st, but then he realized that he shouldlet go of all the negative n start building a new life w/me. u have 2 help me get through it, otherwise, he wont. it was so hard 4 him @ 1st, but now, its just perfect. its like we built a new way of lovin 2gether. its unique
2007-09-18 15:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by sylvia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All men,and women need love and affection,it just seems to me that not all people know how to give and recieve that which is neccesary,you sound as though you might just have reached a perfect balance,and I personally wish you both all the luck and love in the world,good on yer.
2007-09-18 15:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by crane man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do think a man that was adopted needs more attention in life because of everything he has went through>
2007-09-18 15:57:46 · answer #8 · answered by firecracker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with abuse. Abuse victims are often so insecure because the love they received was conditional, so they are very clingy and needy in relationships.
2007-09-18 15:51:16 · answer #9 · answered by Yogi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think because he's adopted,but because he was abused. If you're giving love and he's giving the same in return then good for both of you. I hope all is well.
2007-09-18 15:54:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋