Is this good?

Question

One last tear drop rolled down her face as she takes one last look at the picture of them. She whispers to her self: “I can’t do this anymore.” He left her at the height of there relationship and she still does not know why. He told her that he wasn’t feeling anything, but she was feeling the exact opposite. With all the memories that he left her with made her do nothing but cry. With all the things that they’ve been threw together, he had to leave it all behind for nothing. He told her that she was beautiful, he told her that she was the best thing that happened to him, he told her that she was the only person that he wants to be with the rest of his life, and she fell for that. She fell for all his lies. He made her feel like something for once in her life and now that he’s gone, she thinks that she will never love again. No one will make her feel as great as she did than her latest boyfriend. He was the one for her, and she told him that. But he never understood.

(Continued)
He never thought that she loved him as hard as she does. And now that she is trying to forget the memories of them, he will never know that she felt the same for him that he felt for her. The real reason why he broke up with her is because he was too afraid. He was too afraid to be rejected by the one he loved the most. But she never knew that he felt this way towards her, but she will never know this because he will always be afraid to tell the love of his life the feelings that he has for her, and by the time he’s able to tell her his feelings, she‘ll be over him.
The End!

Answer 1

I'm presuming you're writing fiction for a novel. You didn't say otherwise.

Your point-of-view is shifting between them both and it's hard to read.

You really don't have a scene here. There's no drama and nothing is happening. You're simply describing and that makes only a partial scene.

As for the description, it's fairly bland. Anyone who has been in a relationship has felt this way and it's described as a cliche. Remember that stories aren't real life. They dramatize life. Make it different by using subtlety, perhaps, and let the reader read between the lines.

Focus on the subtext instead.

Additionally, you might want to show what's happening instead of telling us.

Other responses here will focus on your grammar, no doubt. I focus on storytelling.

Don't be discouraged, though. Continue this and edit again and again.

BTW, it's also hard to understand this writing without its proper context. If I saw more of your writing, then I could be able to see if this was written as irony and in a sense there is maturity in this description. But it does require context to be able to tell you that clearly. Otherwise this would be a scene that an editor would cut from your story.

Answer 2

So what you really need to do is stop relying on spell checker and start learning the right words.
herself not her self
their not there
through not threw

Now I will guess you are a young woman and you are writing from experience. Sadness, pain, want. Sorry to say but so is every other young woman out there writing the same thing.

You want to write, well write, and write well and write a lot and hone and carve your skills until they shine like the edge of a knife. Don't try to be maudlin or weepy, there are waaaaaaay too many doing that already. Be original, be deep but not intentionally deep.

Girls must stop writing about how empty they are when a boy leaves them. Is that all there is to you? Of course not. You are more, will be more and will do more. Stop with the "weepy hours of languid loneliness". Your world should not revolve around the pubescent gropings of billy from school, it should be there to be grasped and explored and experienced.

You want to write? Then write and write about more than 'some guy lied to me'. I'm a guy, I'm a writer and you know something, everyone does it eventually and has it done to them eventually.

Now from a purely technical aspect.
When writing delete all the crap you do not need, avoid repeating words as well

One last tear drop rolled down her face as she takes one last look at the picture of them
or
A tear rolled down her face as she looked at the picture of them.
or
Tears pooled in the hollows of her eyes before escaping to splash on the photo below.
or
Sarah wept with the hopelessness only youth can feel at the death of a relationship. Promises of eternal love and soaring hearts discarded as quickly as fashion and with less regard. At fifteen every love is the one true one and every pain sears like skin pressed to the fires grate.
or
whatever you can come up with that does not involve weepy girls moaning over some broken heart. Scars give character and if I had a dollar for every woman thats broken my heart I would be very wealthy.

Answer 3

yeah...its good. it brings back some memories from the past. ^_^ It does happen in real life. it just show the complication in a relationship, sometimes its just really hard to understand. anyway I love it! esp. the last sentence. good writing.

did you wrote it???

Answer 4

you need to keep the same tense and learn to use the correct forms of words like there, they're and their

Answer 5

It could be better, you need an editor.