Did my wife have an affair?

Question

Here's the scenario.

I took a position that had me away from home for two months. The trip was a huge success from a business perspective (so it seemed). My wife is 5 months pregnant, ended up having to move due to unsafe conditions while I was away, had trouble having consistent baby sitting for her daughter, and was working full time all while I was away. I get back and payday rolls around, but no paycheque. Company makes excuses and promises next payday it will all be caught up. Payday came last Friday and no paycheque again. So the trip was a huge mistake. I gave up the summer with my new family and got screwed.

On the home front. My wife and I have not been intimate since I got home three weeks ago. Away for two months. Home almost a month and rubbing her belly is as intimate as it gets.

My best friend thinks she had an affair. Despite all that happened, how can you not be intimate after being away for 2 months?

Are these signs of a possible affair while away?

Since getting home, she swears at me, she screams, she threatens to leave. She told one of her friends that she hates my voice, the way I look, and just being around me. We made the choice together under the impression that the trip would set us up very nicely from a financial standpoint.

We were to take a week vacation to spend some time on the mainland where some of her family lives. Due to me not getting paid, we can't afford to all go. So I sent her and my step-daughter to her moms. Her mom is working on getting through to her, because I can't say a word without her threatening to leave.

This is nothing like her. I know she's pregnant and moody, but still..... Our sex life was great up until the hour I left on July 3rd. Now it doesn't exist.

We made the choice together. We discussed it and decided together that we could not turn it down because of the financial benefit that was expected.

As far as not getting paid, the guy who we are friends with who got me the job quit while I was away on the trip. The reason was because his paycheques kept bouncing. So there are reasons that we do not know about as to why we are not getting paid for the work we did. I know she resents me. It was a choice we both made together.

In response to sxybrwneyedgrl29

I worked for the company for six months before the trip. We were paid well during the trip. It was the final "big" paycheque after I got back that the problem started.

Answer 1

I wouldn't worry about an affair. Pregnancy wreaks havoc on our hormones and when you are pregnant you can either have a sex drive or not. Some pregnant women just have no desire to have sex and that is completely normal. Tell her how you feel, she may not even realize that it is bothering you.

Answer 2

Your wife is very pregnant and she's furious about you not getting paid. Not only that, she had to move in her condition, without your help. Your best friend is not a friend at all, to tell you something like that. Sounds more like your jealous friend.

Give your wife time to cool down. She may not believe you were out there working, since you didn't get paid. It's hard for people to understand that sometimes employers don't pay you, as they should. I know, because my employer has missed the payroll date several times and when I tell my family that I didn't get paid, they don't believe me. Again, I don't think she had an affair. She's just upset.

You keep saying you agreed on the trip together. That does not matter. You didn't agree not to get paid together, and that's part of what she's upset about. There is one thing I'm wondering about, though. You say you haven't been intimate since you've been home, which means you weren't intimate BEFORE she knew you weren't getting paid, WHICH MEANS she was pissed about you being gone while she was struggling to move and work full time. She's really upset with you, dude. Have you apologized for all that has happened? Have you told her that you love her and how sorry you are that she had to go through that? Try it again. Tell her you're sorry. You sound like a decent guy who got caught up in some mess. It happens. Hopefully, your marriage won't be destroyed as well.

Answer 3

Well 1st off, she's 5 months so she would have gotten pregnant while you where still home.

2nd being pregnant takes alot out of you and it is very possible she is uncomfortable, or tired and just may not want to have sex...

I don't think this is any sign of an affair. Sounds like it was really rough for her while you were gone and she is probably just recouping. Give her time. If it keeps up, just ask her why there are no intimate times. But I can tell you that any doctor will tell you that it is 50/50 with pregnant women, some want it all the time, while others don't even want to be touched.

Give it time and good luck to you!

Answer 4

Sounds more like signs of pregnancy. It sounds like you might not have been around during her last pregnancy ("her daughter"), so do you know how her hormones respond to being with child? Some women are uncomfortable from the moment they get their positive test and just don't feel like being intimate. Others feel ugly and undesirable and don't think their husbands want to. Still others are hornier than a herd of rhinoceroses.

I don't think there's enough information to tell, but you need to have a talk with her about the intimacy issue. She probably didn't have an affair, but she needs to know how you're feeling. Don't accuse her of cheating, or you won't be getting any until well after the birth. Just let her know that you'd like to be intimate with her. It may come as a surprise.

Answer 5

Not necessarily.. Pregnancy affects all women differently. She may just not feel good enough to be intimate. Next week you may be fighting her off with a stick. If you feel like there's something there though, there may be. Ask her and see what she says. Whatch her facial expressions and listen to the tone in her voice as well as take notice of any hessitation (or lack there of). DON'T be confrontational and accuse her of being unfaithful. Instead, be calm and rehearse what you will say beforehand. If she was unfaithful I'm very sorry. She's putting your baby's life at risk by doing such things. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world and I hope your best friend is wrong.

Answer 6

It's because she doesn't feel secure! DAYUM, you can't see that?

She probably thinks YOU had an affair! Gone all that time and NO $$$ to show for it? It makes a woman wonder. No it's not all about money, it was about her sacrificing her security for your career, and it brought her nothing but worries and fear. A woman ONLY feels intimate when she feels protected. This is a hard-wire (whether you believe in creation or evolution) programing. Women need to feel protected 1.Phyiscally (you were not there) 2.Emotionally (were you available?) 3.Provisionally (that means her basic life needs)
Did you provide any of these things to her? My guess is NOT. Since she had to work full time, I can't see that being a choice, especially when she already was burdened with a dependant child, and pregnancy.

I could hurl insults at your ignorance: but I will not. Hopefully you will have seen what you have done to contribute to your situation and find ways to immediately rectify them. I am by no means justifying your wife's terrible and disrespectful behavior. I am simply explaining that you should not find a SCAPEGOAT (imagined infidelity) to blame your current woes on.

Answer 7

She's pregnant. Doesn't matter what her libido was like back in July; two months of having your internal organs stretched out of shape is more than enough to kill some women's drive. On top of that, you're now having financial issues, which leads to stress, which leads to not being in the mood. I realize that doesn't explain the lack of interest when you got home and thought everything was going to be okay, but the moving could have taken a lot out of her, too.

Bottom line, the two of you have more than enough on your plate here without your best friend's conspiracy theories. Work on the things you know need to be worked on, with the help of a counselor if necessary.

Answer 8

If you were were in the US or working for any US company they have an obligation to pay you. Been there on the employer side. Hopefully this wasn't an "under the table job". If they give you the run around, go to the labor department in the state where this company is organized, get a ton of paperwork, go over to the payroll office of the company where you worked and have those LABOR DEPARTMENT papers in full view of the owner or the bookkeeper. Trust me, if they have any money, they will pay you. Or else they are not legit or stupid. If then no response, you already have the labor department paperwork. Fill them out, bring them in and THEY will get your money. As to the wife thing, Dude, I am not touching that with a 10 foot pole, but as they say, money talks. Go to the IRS to if you want. This is one good time for you with them. Good luck.

Answer 9

when i was pregnant i either wanted sex all the time or not at all. maybe she feels fat and gross. unless you can PROVE it, puh-leeeez don't confront her about htis because she already has taken care of the household without you being around, has missed you, has the pregnancy hormones raging, is feeling awkward and probably losing sleep because of the baby in her body, so NO i don't think those are signs. but DO ask her if there's a reason you haven't had sex, and ask it not at night when you're begging for it and both tired and need sleep. ask her some time you can both be casual about it. take her out for a dessert or ask if there's something that sounds good to eat and take her to get it and ask then. sounds like you need to focus on communication with her and quit listening to your friends stirring up trouble. give her the benefit of the doubt, ok? and also good luck about the paycheck--that sounds awful :(

Answer 10

She is probably not having sex with you because she thinks that you had an affair....From her perspective, you leave for two months, then you come back and no pay check, Where's the money Craig? For all she knows, you left and told her lies saying that you were working, and now you have nothing to show for it. Plus now she has to work being 5 months pregnant with a husband that is supposed to take care of her but now she has to take care of you... I see why she doesn't give you any cookie.

Answer 11

I don't think that you have anything to worry about, Pregnancy hormones are a MOTHA**** I know that when i was pregnate i couldn't even stand to have sex with my man i loved him but at the time it was repulsive. Things that i usually liked were nasty to me, and i felt a range of emotions just running through my body. Maybe she thinks since you have not recieved a pay check for your"successfull business trip" that you had an affair. You two really need to find a way to communicate with eachother, without communication you can only assume what is going on, tell your friend to mind his business he probaly wants to bang your wife.