What do I do now? I know I love him, I just hope I am not in love with him?

Question

I'll call him John.
I have known him all his life. But a few years ago he began confiding in me, telling me his most personal feelings for someone, my sister. He opened up and I could see his heart and soul. Our conversations turned to easy banter and later — I have a hard time admitting this even now — flirtation and I had no intention of crossing any physical line, nor did I think about him that way. The signs of an emotional affair may be more subtle than those of a sexual affair, but they're just as unmistakable. "An emotional affair happens when you put the bulk of your emotions into the hands of somebody. Your talking with this person, sharing with this person. Your innermost thoughts, funny jokes, and interesting personal experiences are saved up and spilled to this person. And even if you never so much as touch him, this emotional attachment has just as much potential as a sexual fling.

Answer 1

From the sounds of it you are either married, or maybe he is envolved with someone. You don't say whether or not he has a relationship for your sister, just that he had feelings for her. But whatever the case is, it sounds like your having feelings for him are inappropriate for some reason.

If this is the case, and you do not feel right about it then do what you feel is right, which may mean putting distance between you and him. Stop doing the things that are making you emotionally attached to him. It might take time, but if you feel strongly enough about it, then you will feel better in the long run.

Answer 2

There are a lot of people who use self-talk to handle what is going on inside their minds. When self-talk is not monitored cautiously it can lead to drastic effects not only on one’s personality but also affects its mentality and psychology. Self-talk is a type of conversation which we conduct with ourselves. In literature we call it soliloquy. Brain’s reticular activating system never forgets what we repeat again and again. Ironically this system can not recognize what is beneficial to the individual and what is not. Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right- a saying goes like this. Therefore when ever we ‘talk’ with ourselves, we should be cautious, very cautious in fact. There are a lot of audio programs which can help and there are a lot of online books. If I recall there is a book ‘self-talk solutions’ which is every effective in this scenario.