This past weekend, my husband dropped a bomb on me. He told me that 7 yrs ago, right after I had HIS baby, and was expressing insecurities because he and my sister would flirt with each other all the time (by the way, he would tell me that I was crazy and paranoid and he denies the flirting), he and my sister played a game of you show me yours and I'll show you mine. I calmly asked questions because I was trying to process the info and he was getting very impatient with me for asking. I talked to her the next day and I asked her about it and she didn't seem to know what I was talking about (at least that's what she claims). Anyway, WW3 has been started in my house and a lot of things were said and brought up since then. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. He says it wasn't a big deal because he he never touched her (which he keeps saying even though I never suggested that he did). How would you respond to and feel about this situation?
2007-09-18 06:25:05 · 30 answers · asked by Niksmom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honestly, I'm pretty frustrated about the whole situation. I asked him why he decided to tell me now and he said he just needed to get it off his chest and be up front and honest with me. If it had been some random chick, I would be angry but I'd feel differently about it. But this is my sister and I feel like a chump, having gone to family functions for the last 7 years while they knew about it and I was completely clueless..
2007-09-18 07:35:46 · update #1
sounds harmless to me , and anyway at least its still in the family
nearly all men cheat at some time in there life's (women to if I'm honest) its only sex after all !
2007-09-24 07:52:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
i would be mad as hell and i would not let him rest until i got to the bottom of the reason why he had to tell me after so long. thats not guilt especially if he says its no big deal. thats precisely what makes it a big deal. theres only one person a married guy should flirt with and thats his wife. he had an affair sex or no sex.
sit him down ans find out whether the two of them are planning to take up where they left off or whether he was genuine. u know him u shd be able to tell if he is lying. ur sis has denied it so no help there.
but do urself a favor- who are the they that knew? Ur whole family? dont make this bigger than u have to
2007-09-26 09:56:14 · answer #2 · answered by kiki68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel so betrayed. It would be as if it had happened that day as opposed to 7 yrs. ago. I wouldn't be able to function. I can say this because my husband said something about my sister that has changed my whole perspective about him. I understand. All you can do is try to move on. I told my husband not to even refer to my sister in a joking manner or anything for a while. I didn't even want to hear him mention her name. Just tell your husband that this is a sore subject for you and tell him not to bring it up. And don't you bring it up.
2007-09-24 16:21:07 · answer #3 · answered by lawstudntbynite 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to forgive and forget. Life is short. If your marriage is good, and I assume it is, because you didn't comment on it, then let it continue to be good. One game of show and tell 7 years ago should not you be highly significant. Let it go and show that you are the better person. Have your husband give you foot massages every week for the next year. As for your sister, I think you should stay as far away from her as possible. She is trouble.
2007-09-25 22:39:03 · answer #4 · answered by James B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not as tolerant as some when it comes to a cheating spouse. He admitted they did show each other their "stuff", and the other girl happens to be your sister. That makes it even worse in my opinion. The fact that you asked questions calmly makes me think that your rational and want to get to the truth of the matter. Good for you!
If you want your marriage to stay intact, with him wanting that as well, then both of you need to agree to keep sis' away, and any other woman for that matter. He has proven that he can't be trusted, and thats something you'll have to deal with for an indefinate time.
Your supposed to feel betrayed. You were betrayed by your own sister, and by the man who made vows to you. Don't avoid feelings that you need to experience at this time.
Good luck.
2007-09-18 13:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by ellen 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should talk to him and your sister together face to face. Express to them how you feel, tell them that it might be insecurities but you are just not sure. Also bring a 3rd party with you so you can really evaluate there expressions when asked intense questions.
If something is not right, drop him and your sister, you don't need peole like that around you.
Good Luck
2007-09-18 13:38:44 · answer #6 · answered by TSL 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously something went on with them and there was "something" there. Just because they didn't touch this time, doesn't mean they wont in the future. It is ALWAYS a bad sign when your HUSBAND disrespects you and plays with your sister (or anyone else for that matter) especially while you are pregnant. That is wrong and disrespectful. You need to figure out what is best for you and your baby.
2007-09-18 13:33:54 · answer #7 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for a long walk and rethink my relationship. Go over all the good points the marriage had to offer and all the bad points as well, as yourself if this is something that can be put aside and you can live with. Can you live with lies from your family and your husband? You feel like your supposed to. Confused, betrayed, belittled and more. Be honest with yourself when rethinking where your relationship can go from here. You can't help how he or your sister is just remember that but you can prevent yourself from being unhappy.
2007-09-18 13:35:26 · answer #8 · answered by jslavens69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be very disgusted....Not sure why your husband would feel the need to lie about this....why would he want to start a war in the family? Unless that is what his goal was....I think your intuition was right 7 years ago...something was going on between your husband and your sister....to what extent I don't know....you sister is denying it....because she is your sister!
2007-09-18 13:34:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I had a similar situation: I went out of town and my then boyfriend of a few years called my sister and told her he liked her in a "sexually attracted to u" sort o way- it took about 6 months for me to find out. he told me.NOT her! I was pregnant with HIS daughter at the time and seriously stressed and sick even. My sister made it out to be no big deal. Shes a slut. Always wanted what i had since we were kids. I felt foolish too and hurt. I wanted to kill her cause thats the bigger betrayal anyway. If ur sister "dont know what ur talking abt" u wll have to get it out of him. watch them both and see but i think your sis is the one who needs to know she will die if anything similar happens again. he has obviously got some guilt. a good sign. and fear since it took him so long. both need to know its not cool and that they have no relationship except thru u.But dont feel bad. When other people wrong u shame on them. not u
2007-09-25 18:56:11 · answer #10 · answered by Purrfect 10 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is awful considering that is your sister and your husband but because he expressed to you something may or may not have went on and she denied that anything went on tells me there is something to worry about but it puts you in a hard spot because you really don't have enough evidence to go, so I just say keep your eyes and ears open and do some surprise pop up visits!
2007-09-25 11:18:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋