Don't know what to do.?

Question

I feel like an old fashioned loser. My husband loves to look at internet porno. I find it disgusting. Not only does he look at it, he also seems to be getting his satisfaction from it. We haven't had sex in months and he blames that on me. I tried the sexy nighties and the candles and the soft music. I tried reading books and doing the things they said turned a man on. Nothing seems to work. i lost my temper a few nights ago and told him how sick I thought it was becoming. He said all men enjoy porno but I said some actually enjoy the real thing also. We argued. My step daughter overheard the argument and climbed out her bedroom window and went to a friends house. She said the voices told her to do it. My husband told her next time we argue if it upsets her he will tell me to leave. He had already promised the porno and dirty chat rooms would stop but I think he is addicted to it. With my daughter saying she is hearing voices I'm worried. Should I just leave and start over.

Answer 1

your words really hit me very hard my sister....NO...you dont leave and start over. What Im going to say is spiritual so forgive me in advance if I offend you...

The mental bondage of looking at porno (that many men suffer from) is a spirit of Lust. Lust..is sin...and sin is unsatiable...that means that it always needs more and more. It is never satisfied. Your husband is bound by this spirit and it is perverting his mind away from righteous things (his wife) and towards ungodly things (the images on the computer). What chilled me so was that the voices your daughter heard are real. When we allow demons into our home (as your husband has) there is no limit to what unclean spirits follow. It is these spirits that are talking to your daughter and their intent is to do more than just drive her out of the window..they want to destroy her, your marriage and your lives if they can drive you crazy enough. With all my heart....I encourage you to turn to God right now. If you are not saved, then accept Him as your Lord and Savior and then in the name of Jesus, rebuke these spirits away. You cannot evict them with books and candles and soft music. They are going to fight to stay right where they are. You have to fight demons with the only thing that causes THEM to tremble...which is the Word of God. It may sound strange to you what Im saying...but I am a devout Christian. This is not anything satanic Im telling you to do. You ARE dealing with satanic forces though. Get on your knees...now...where you are and pray God would come into your heart, accept Salvation and then begin to fight for your family. I am going to kneel in prayer here in my office for you...I dont normally do that but the Holy Spirit is leading me....
Your family is not lost my sister...you must fight.

Answer 2

By the sound of it your problems scream for communication.

I think you should not be looking at your daughters problems and you husbands obsession as even connected, unless your daughter tells you it is. (No I'm not saying ask her)


With regard to your husband I really think you need to discuss this with him. Looking at porn is not a big deal unless it affects relationships and day to day life. In this case it is ruin his relationship so that is what needs to be focused on and NOT the porn itself.

Sit down and ask him what he gets from the porn that he doesn't out of a healthy physical relationship with you. Is there something he feels he needs which he's not felt strong enough to talk to you about? Does he feel under pressure when he's with you? Is he having issues and problems satisfying you (real or imagined). Could it be stress which has effected his performance in bed and this has become the only way he can get release?
Does he want to still have a physical relationship with you?
What are you both willing to try in order to correct the problems you have been having?

Also you said you have "reading books and doing the things they said turned a man on" not all men are the same, the same way not all women are the same. The same things that turn me on might not do anything for you! This is why you need to talk to him. Some men find a baggy jumper and a nice fitting pair of jeans more sexy than a frilly, leaves nothing to the imagination, two piece bra and panties. Talk, Talk and Talk some more!



With regard to you daughter! This is more worrying to me. You need to talk to your daughter about how long this has been going on, what might have triggered this to begin with, what triggers the voices again. She needs to see a professional. And soon!
This may just be for attention, but even that needs looking into - people do not try extremes like that for attention with out there being a route cause.
I'm sorry I can't help more with this part of you question but this is not something I have experience with in particular but I do have experience with mental health issues of other natures.

Answer 3

You and your husband need to get some counseling. So does your daughter. Your husband is probably right in that most men like to look at porno. However, it seems like he's become a bit obsessed if he's passing on the real thing to just stare at pictures and masturbate to it. I would really suggest seeing a marriage counselor ASAP because your marriage is headed down a very rocky path. You presently have no intimacy and there doesn't seem to be any possible way to get it back without some compromise by both of you....a good counselor might help facilitate some change out of both of you. Good luck....I feel for you.

Answer 4

This is your decision, but something that you may not know about addicts and addictions... Addicts, ( and for sure he is one) are already in a relationship. It just isn't with you or your marriage, and it never again will be. Addicts are already taken. If you were to leave him, and he found another lady, it wouldn't be long before he was at it again. Any addiction is no competition for a marriage. Call AA. They will tell you that their cure rate is less than 20%. Sweetie, 20% is an F in school, and an F in life, and it makes no difference what the addiction is in--- drugs, booze, gambling computer porn, sex, whatever.

You have two issues here... your husband, and your daughter....( First get some help for her), and second, decide in your marriage how far down on the list you wish to be.... I left when I became number 6, after his job, script drugs, computer porn, alcohol, and another woman... the last was the final straw. Addiction tendencies are personality defects, hon..... it is as if you asked a guy 6'7" "Don't be tall".... it isn't curable.....

Answer 5

That's alittle drastic isn't it? Get into counseling first, your husband is addicted and he's using your step daughter as an excuse. As far as your step-daughter goes, have alittle talk with her. Voices don't usually tell people to do things in reaction to their parents fighting. You need to help her get a handle on the fact that married people argue sometimes and you and her dad are going to work on communicating more appropriately. My guess is that she hear alittle too much of that with your husband and his ex. Also, your husband needs a physical. There are medical reasons why men suddenly lose interest in sex with a partner. Let his doctor know why you are there.

Answer 6

As the old saying goes if ya cant beat 'em join 'em. Maybe you should try and look with your husband, see what he likes. Hell give him a good ole BJ while he's on the comp., Rub it in his face and sooner or later he may come around but I think I would be more concerned about my daughter hearing voices than I would his porno fixation.

Answer 7

it appears that your husband is addicted to porno and for him to say next time that you all argue he would ask you to leave because your step daughter hears voices and leave.Something is wrong with that picture.May you should think about leaving .

Answer 8

Do what the voices tell you to do.